The Quibbler
by churu
Summary: Ed has crossed the Gate, and when he wakes up he finds himself in a graveyard. The person he meets first is a little odd...to say the least. Harry Potter crossover.
1. Ferrous Molkenbloder

It was dark when Edward Elric regained consciousness. A piercing wind whipped through his clothing, drawing away heat and leaving him shivering. It smelled of rain and compost. Pulling his coat tighter around his small frame, he rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself up. He could barely see the outline of a stone big enough to shelter him. The boy crawled over and curled up behind it. It was no warmer behind the stone—the wind was the kind that ripped over the land from every direction, cruelly and mercilessly stealing heat from bodies wrapped in tattered clothing. Ed leaned his head back on the stone and looked up at unfamiliar stars.

_Al, please let this have worked._

With that prayer dominating his thoughts, Ed stood up to find a warmer place to sleep.

--

When the sun peaked over the horizon and chased the wind away, Ed crawled out from under the bush he had squeezed into the night before. Blinking against the light, he looked around—and promptly wished he hadn't. He was in the middle of a graveyard. The stone he had taken refuge behind the night before had been a tombstone.

How fitting that someone who tried to bring another back to life would have their new beginning in a place where others rested for the last time.

It was a lazy morning—Ed was content with just sitting, watching his surroundings.. He had nowhere to be, nowhere to go, and nothing to do except sleep and try not to think. Ed knew that if he started to think, he would start to worry about what was happening in Amestris in his absence, whether Al was really back, and where he was. As the sun rose higher in the sky, Ed decided that it was probably time to find out where he was, and get out of the cemetery. Ed stood up and brushed twigs and dead leaves off his pants. Stretching as high as he could reach, he looked through his fingers at the sky. The morning sun glinted off his automail. That's right. He hadn't bargained for his limbs, just Al. Hopefully he could find a good mechanic in this place

"Are you a Ferrous Molkenbloder?"

Ed jumped, turning quickly to face the voice that had spoken. "What?"

"I said, 'are you a Ferrous Molkenbloder?'" The speaker blinked up at him with the biggest eyes, blondest hair, and whitest skin he had ever seen. It barely registered in his mind that she was shorter than he was. Ed was still trying to figure out what she had asked.

"What's that?"

"Oh. You must not be one, then. You'd know if you were."

"If I was what?"

"A Ferrous Molkenbloder."

"Which is…?"

"A lizard made of metal. They take refuge in marshes and bogs and attach themselves to people's ankles so if they step in a deep spot they drown. Then they eat them." It was said so matter-of-factly that Ed could almost believe her.

"Do I look like a lizard to you?"

"No, but I thought it a fitting question, seeing as you're made of metal, too. And you're short. If you're not a Ferrous Molkenbloder, what are you? How'd you become all metally?"

"Don't call me short. And mind your own business."

Suddenly a pair of huge eyes were only a few inches away from his own. "Oh, I'm not very good at doing that." The girl grinned in a way that caused shivers to run up and down Ed's back. It was rather creepy.

Leaning away slightly, Ed tried to escape in the nicest way he could. "Well, I'd better be going…"

"Why? You just got here." She looked at him with eyes that seemed to grow even larger. "I hate it when new friends just go away. And you seemed like an interesting one, too."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I really need to be going—," Ed said as he turned away from her. Then his stomach let out a tremendous growl.

"Are you hungry? My mother and I are going to be sharing a picnic soon. If you'd like to eat with us, I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

Ed looked at here warily. The creepiness of earlier seemed to be gone, but he was still unsure whether he could trust her. Maybe she was just weird. That had to be it. Besides, he was reminded as his stomach made its opinion known, the last thing he had eaten had been in Amestris.

"Alright, I guess I could stay for a picnic," he said.

"Really? That's wonderful! I was looking at your face just now and I didn't think you would, but you are, and it's going to be wonderful! I packed a really great lunch today!" She seemed so excited it made Ed wonder if she had any friends at all, let alone new ones for her mother to meet.

"Well, then, let's get going," he said and began to walk. Until he felt a small tug on his arm. He looked over his shoulder at the girl. "What?"

"Where are you going?"

"To where your mother is so we can eat."

" Mother's right here."

"Where?" Ed looked around. There was nobody else in sight. And there was no way she could see someone he couldn't—he was taller than she was, for crying out loud!

"Here." She pointed, and Ed followed her gaze. She was pointing at a tombstone. "Mother's right here," she repeated, looking up into his eyes and he could read a sadness in them that seemed to prove she wasn't pulling his leg.

"Oh. I see," he said. So. Her mother was dead. Well, it was at least one thing they had in common, and people had become friends over a lot less. "Alright. Let's eat with your mother." The girl smiled at him, her smile almost as big as her eyes.

"Thank you."

"No problem. I'll just wait here."

She looked at him. "Why?"

"Well, you have to go get the food, right? And it'll give me time to get acquainted with your mother." Ed thought it was logical—or at least as logical as he thought she'd understand.

To his surprise, the girl's big eyes narrowed slightly. "Are you a muggle?"

"Is that another lizard? Because I thought we'd gone through this already."

"No…it's not a lizard...," she stared at him, eyes contemplative this time. Ed stared back. "Well, I guess I'll go get the food, then," she said, suddenly cheerful, and gave him a last look before scampering off.

Ed watched her go, wondering why, if she knew she was going to have a picnic, she had left the food at home in the first place. He turned to look at the tombstone. With the girl gone, the graveyard seemed more creepy than when he had first seen it that morning. At least it wasn't cloudy. And foggy. That would be even creepier.

Ed turned to the girl's mother's grave, and, taking a deep breath, said, "Well, I guess it's just you and me. I'm Edward Elric, also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist, and I've just been thrown from Amestris to this place, and I have no idea where I am or if Al is okay, or if Winry is going to be alright, and I've just met your daughter, who is very nice but just a little creepy. I think I'm still in shock about what's happening and I can't believe I haven't freaked out yet. Yeah, that's about it."

The tombstone didn't respond.

Feeling a little silly for talking to a rock, Ed looked down at his hands. They were filthy from sleeping in the dirt. Along with his sleeves, coat, hair, face, pants, and any patch of skin or cloth that was on the outermost layer. Swearing, he pulled of his red coat and wiped his hands. Ed shifted his weight from foot to foot, and had just started wondering how long he was going to have to wait when the girl came back.

"I've got the food!" she shouted, plunking the massive basket down in front of him with less than a little ceremony. "My goodness, I don't know how muggles manage it! I almost died dragging that thing up here!"

There was that word again. "What's a muggle?"

"Nothing."

With full knowledge that what ever a muggle was, it wasn't 'nothing,' Ed decided that maybe it didn't matter all that much—especially when he saw a smoked turkey leg poking out from the cloth-covered basket. Lunch was finished off in about ten minutes flat, with Ed polishing off the last of the quiche as the girl began to pick up the dirty silverware.

Leaning back, his stomach pleasantly full, Ed stared at the sky. Small poofy clouds floated lazily across the bright blue sky, and the sun warmed his closed eyelids. It would have been a perfect day, if he hadn't been in a foreign world with no idea how he was going to survive. He heard the girl flop down on the ground beside him and opened his eyes slightly and found her looking at him with her huge eyes. It kind of reminded him of being in a zoo, except he was the animal under scrutiny instead of a zebra or a tiger or something. He closed his eyes again, and tried to ignore the feeling of being looked at. It was hard. Finally, Ed couldn't take it anymore. Sitting up in exasperation, and turning to look at her, he said, "What?!"

"I was wondering why you were sleeping on dead people."

Ed blinked.

"But you're right. It is very comfortable." She looked up from the ground and smiled. "After all, cemeteries are places of rest." The girl closed her eyes and sighed. "It makes you just want to stay here forever and ever and ever."

"Do you normally say such disturbing things?" Ed asked.

"They're the only things worth saying."

Not wanting to think about the logic of that statement, as well as feeling mildly freaked out, Ed stood up and made his way to a spot with no dead people underneath. The girl followed him.

"Where are you going?"

"To a spot with no dead people underneath."

"Oh. Why?"

"Because I don't like sleeping with dead people."

"Why?"

"Because it's creepy."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why does everyone always answer my questions with that word?"

"Because you always ask why."

"Why?"

"How should I know, you're the one that asks the questions."

"Oh. So that's it." She seemed to think this a novel idea. The girl was looking at Ed like he held the answers to the universe. Undaunted by the odd look he was giving her, she asked him another question. "Do you have a place to stay for the night?"

Ed grimaced. "No. I'll probably just stay outside again tonight."

The girl nodded. "If you find a hollow tree, make sure you look for Weeping Warthound Whomps. They're nasty."

"What are those?"

"They're a type of wasp that's almost as big as your head and attaches itself to your hand so you get stuck in a tree and can't escape. Then they eat you." She was very serious, Ed almost believed her. Almost.

"Okay, I'll watch out for those. Anything else I should know about?"

"It's going to rain tonight."

Ed glanced up at the blue sky. "Right. Well, I'll be off then."

"Good bye."

Ed walked away as quickly as he could and still feel a little polite. He needed to find a place to spend the night, and he couldn't see any trees around except the ones in the graveyard. There was no way he was going to spend another night sleeping with dead people. Gradually making his way around tombstones and small shrubs, Ed managed to get out of the graveyard. He climbed up to a higher spot and looked around. There was a little patch of trees to his right. Turning to face the cemetery again, he shielded his eyes against the lowering sun. When his eyes got used to the light, he almost fell off the little mound he was standing on.

There was no cemetery. It was gone. No, not gone. It was as though it had never been there to begin with. It it's place was a brownish green patch of grass that looked as though it had been undisturbed for ages. There was no girl. No tombstone with her mother's name on it. No picnic basket. Nothing.

Ed's eyes grew wide. He turned and ran.

--

It rained that night. Typical. The best place Ed had found to take shelter was a small patch of trees. He bundled tighter into his tattered coat and cursed. The wind was no more forgiving than it had been the night before. It whipped between the trees and attacked the bare patches of skin left by the holes in his clothing. Finally deciding that if he wasn't going to be able to sleep, he might as well stay warmer by moving, Ed got up and started to walk. He didn't know how long he walked, or how far, but he did know that when he finally saw the light he was soaked to the bone, shivering, and colder than he had ever been in his life. He lowered his pride and knocked on the door. The door creaked open, and Ed decided he was cursed.

"Oh, it's you from earlier!" the girl with the big eyes and pale hair said excitedly. "When you left, I was wondering if you would be alright and if I would ever see you again, and I watched you for ages, and then you started to run, and I thought maybe you were being chased by a Black Knee-skinning Beetle, and then you would die when I didn't even know your name, but you're alright and you're here, and your knees seem to be intact, so you must come in and have a cup of tea."

Standing dripping in the rain, Ed looked blankly at the girl from earlier until she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside her house. Exhaustion overtook him, and Ed barely registered her shocked face as he slumped against the wall.

"Oh dear, oh dear. Maybe the Beetles got you after all. You'll have to stay here, of course. We have the only known remedy for their stings. Here, let me take your coat and come sit by the fire. Wow, you're certainly heavy. It must be the metal arm. Let me take your boots. Oh, you have a metal leg, too? Have you heard the joke about the metal leg named Horatio? Or was it a crystal leg named Archibald? I don't remember. I'll go get some tea. Be careful, it's hot. Oh, I should ask before I forget again. What's your name?"

"Ed. Ed Elric." He swallowed his tea and looked up at her from his seat by the fireplace. "What's yours?"

The girl blinked at him, her big eyes reflecting the flames. "Didn't I tell you already? I'm Luna. Luna Lovegood."

Utterly exhausted, Ed gave the girl named Luna his tea cup, leaned his head back, and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

Well, that's it. I have never written anything except essays before, so this was a bit of a stretch for me. But I really wanted to do this, so I did it, and here it is!! Yay!!

This kind of works as a one-shot, I think. If I feel like it/get enough people to tell me to do it then I'll probably make it longer. With more of a plot. Yeah. I kind of have a few ideas running around in my head. But it takes SO MUCH work to write a story! Kudos to you people that can actually do that!

I noticed I used a lot of dialogue. If it gets confusing, please tell me. I don't want people to be confused. It just felt kinda stupid writing 'he said', 'she said' all the time.

So, yeah. If you like it, say so, if you don't like it, say so (but nicely, please, and tell me why so I can improve).

Thanks for reading!

churu


	2. Grunbludge Infusion

Chapter 2

Ed laughed as he ran through his backyard. He and Al were racing to Winry's house to show her the tiny dog they had made from a pile of sticks and a nail. They ran and ran and ran, crawling under bushed and fences, going as fast as their short legs could carry them. The air was clear, the sun was shining, and all was right with the world. Seeing Winry's house, Ed gave an extra burst of speed and shot ahead of Al, laughing. The house was so close, so close he could almost touch it…and then it burst into flames.

Ed stopped and stared in horror. He could hear Winry crying, calling out to him, asking him to save him, pleading with him. He ran inside the burning house. Ed searched and searched, but somehow whenever he thought he had found her, Winry's voice moved and he had to look in another room. And another, and another, and another, and another, and then, when he opened the final door, a beam from the ceiling fell and hit him in the forehead and kept pressing and pressing and pressing…

…and pressing….

…and pressing….

Ed woke up. There was something pressing into his forehead. It hurt. A lot. Ed opened his eyes. There was a man dressed in a bright blue smock with purple and yellow polkadots in front of him, and he was pressing the end of a stick to Ed's forehead.

"Who are you and what are you doing in my house," the oddly dressed man asked while pushing the stick harder and twisting it slightly. Ed's forehead was starting to hurt a lot.

"I'm Edward Elric, and--," Ed started, but the man interrupted.

"A suspicious name! I bet you thought you could just tell me that and then I would let you continue to sleep in my guest room with your filthy boots all over the grunbludge-infused blankets that my dear Emily made with her own two hands, but I can tell you that you are wrong! I demand that you get out at once and you never come back until I send an owl with a proper invitation telling you that you are welcome to sleep here as much as you like, but that will never happen and I can tell you right now-," the man continued, but Ed had already had enough. His nerves were shot, and the stick still pressed against his forehead was starting to annoy him, especially as the man liked to twist it every two syllables.

"Listen, old man, I'll leave just as soon as you get that stick off of my head."

The man's eyes narrowed, just like Luna's had the day before. "Are you a muggle?" he asked.

There was that word again. "I don't know, are you?" Ed asked in what he thought was a condescending manner. It was hard to be condescending when you didn't know what you were talking about.

"Ah," the man said. He slowly lowered the stick.

"Daddy!" Ed looked behind the man to the doorway of the room. It was the girl from yesterday. Luna Lovegood. That was her name. "Don't point that at him! He's my friend!"

The man, Luna's father, looked a little sheepish and turned to face his daughter. "I thought maybe he was another Death Eater that would come to take you away from me again. I couldn't bare to lose you twice."

Luna smiled slightly and walked over to her father. "It's all right Daddy, he's just a muggle. And besides, You-Know-Who is gone. Harry killed him in May. You know that. Now stop being suspicious of every unsuspecting stranger that you find in the guest room." She patted his arm, shooed him out of the room, and turned to look at Ed. "Sorry about that," she said simply, and shoved a breakfast of slightly burnt toast, rather dry scrambled eggs, and thick, pulpy orange juice on his lap.

"Um, thank you," Ed said. He looked at her sideways. He wanted to hear more about this word 'muggle'—that apparently he was—and find out why Luna had gotten kidnapped, who the person they both knew but he didn't was, how he had been killed by a man named Harry, and what the heck it meant for blankets to be grunbludge-infused. Finally deciding that the only question he could ask without sounding like he was prying was the final one, he asked it.

"Oh," said Luna, "grunbludge is secreted by the grunbludge tree in the marsh in the backyard. My mum always used to go out and collect it every summer after the butterflies all leave, but before all the leaves fly away. That's when it's best. If you dip thread in it and then stitch the thread into something, it helps you sleep better and makes the blanket strong, as well as having a pleasant side effect of keeping moths from flying into your ears."

"Oh. Do you still collect it?"

"No. It's too dangerous. The trees don't really like it when you tap into them, so they might swing their branches and try to attack you. My mum had a way of calming them enough so we could do it."

"The trees attack you?"

"Oh yes, but they're definitely not as cruel as the Whomping Willow."

"The Whomping Willow?"

"Yes, but it's at Hogwarts, so you're safe from it."

"Hogwarts?"

"Yes, Hogwarts--," Luna began to answer his question, but suddenly clamped her hands over her mouth. "Oh no," she whispered quietly, eyes widening in horror. "I've said too much."

Ed looked at her scared face and knew that there was a secret in this house, one that seemed to control their lives almost as much as alchemy controlled his. And he also knew that if he didn't reassure her about the fact that he wouldn't tell a soul about it, he would be in deep trouble. He might get that stick shoved in his face again. "Don't worry. I'm a really good secret keeper. I have some of my own that I wouldn't want people to know about, anyway. So you don't have to worry. I won't tell anyone any of what you've told me." As an after thought, Ed added, "I don't really have anyone to tell anyway."

Luna lowered her hands from her mouth. She leaned in closer to his face, and Ed felt as though her big eyes could see right into his head and read every secret he had in there. He stared back and tried not to blink. Ed felt the hair rise at the back of his neck and his breath caught as she leaned closer until their noses were almost touching. After what felt like an eternity, Luna pulled back and he could breathe again.

"Okay!" she said and skipped out of the room, leaving Ed with a mind full of questions and half a cold breakfast.

When Ed finished his breakfast, he placed the tray beside his bed and lay back down, though not before removing his shoes. Mr. Lovegood had been right. His boots were filthy. As he lay there, Ed started to think. He was actually glad he had met a family with secrets. It gave him something to think about other than wonder if he had done the right thing and if Al was okay. So. The first mystery he would try to solve was what a muggle was. After all, if he was one, he might as well know what it was. Like Luna had said yesterday, if he was one, then he should know it, so if he knew it, then he should know what one was. Yesterday…that muggle word had been mentioned a few times…yesterday…in the sun…suddenly Ed sat up. Yesterday he had been in the cemetery. But then he had turned around and the cemetery hadn't been there, and Luna hadn't been there.

Ed took a closer look around his room, feeling suspicious of his own eyes. There didn't appear to be anything out of the ordinary. Ed went to the window and opened it. He sighed in relief as it slid open without too much trouble. At least he wasn't trapped inside his room. Ed looked out the window. That was odd. He couldn't see another house at all, and he was on the second level.

Ed turned around and shuffled slowly across his room. He turned the door knob and peeked his head out the door. It led to a long hallway with many different doors leading off. They all had very odd doorknobs. There were triangular ones, head-shaped ones, and even a hand that looked as though it would grab you before you could grab it. It had no staircase. There was probably one behind one of the doors. Oh, well. It seemed too much of a hassle to go and look for one. Ed decided to stay in his room.

It was very boring. Even though he had quite a few things to think about, he didn't know enough about this place and the people in it to do more than run his mind in circles. Ed liked to think they were very intellectual circles, complicated and intricate like a transmutation circle, but they were circles still the same. He was getting nowhere.

After thinking himself into a corner, Ed was ready for some lunch. The girl Luna seemed to be able to tell. She came into his room with a tray of cucumber sandwiches and a glass of ice cold milk. Ed was horrified.

"Um, I'm sorry, but I don't drink milk."

"Why?"

"Um…I don't like it."

"Why?"

"Because I just don't."

"Oh. Well, that's probably okay," said Luna. "Milk is the easiest thing to poison."

"Oh," said Ed, looking at the glass suspiciously.

Luna looked at the glass as well. Her eyes narrowed. "You're probably right," she said. "Someone could definitely have poisoned it." Ed blinked at her, surprised that she would actually agree with him. "I'll go dispose of it for you." She took the glass between finger and thumb and walked out of the room, holding it at arm's length. Ed stared after her, wondering why on earth she would know that milk was the easiest thing to poison. Whatever—at least he wouldn't have to drink it.

Luna came back just as Ed had gotten up the courage to nibble on a cucumber sandwich. She had brought him a glass of ice water and some more food—things that appeared to have more color and flavor that a cucumber sandwich. Ed snarffed the whole thing down (cucumber sandwiches and all) while Luna watched him with her big eyes.

"Is there anything else you need?" she asked.

"Well…" Ed thought for a moment. "Is it alright for me to be here? Your dad didn't really seem to like me. If you need me to go, then I'm okay with it."

Luna looked shocked. "Daddy not like you?! Oh, no, I'm sure it was nothing like that. He just is very protective of me. He loves me very much, you see, and I don't know what he would do if anything happened to me." She leaned towards Ed and lifted a had to her mouth like she was telling a secret. Glancing at the partially open door, she whispered, "You see, I was kidnapped a few months ago, and the entire house was destroyed. Daddy's only recently gotten over it and just barely put the house back together."

Ed leaned in closer, wanting to know more. He whispered back, "Why were you kidnapped?"

Luna's eyes widened. She shook her head, more to herself than at Ed, and turned away. Ed knew he wasn't going to get any more information at that time. He sighed and turned to stare out the window. Then he remembered. Giving Luna a sideways glance, he asked her nonchalantly, "How come after I left you yesterday the cemetery disappeared?"

Luna turned her head so fast her neck cracked. She looked stunned, horrified, and extremely panicked. "You saw that?" she whispered.

"Yup."

Luna looked more panicked than before. "Oh dear," she croaked. "Now the Ministry's going to send its Man-eating Swarl Monkeys after us." She clasped her hands tightly together and ran out of the room.

Ed stared after her, thinking that if it scared her that much, she shouldn't have talked to him in the cemetery in the first place, but also that now at least he might start getting some answers. Feeling only a little remorseful, Ed lay back down on his bed and stared at the moth that had flown in through his open window. He chuckled quietly to himself, remembering his conversation with Luna earlier about moths and grunbludge-infused blankets. He turned over and decided that an after-lunch nap would be perfect.

Unfortunately, the moth had other ideas. It kept buzzing closer and closer to his ears, and Ed kept getting more and more frustrated as he kept swatting and it kept coming back. Finally fed up, Ed crawled under the blanket and pulled it over his head. He was at peace, finally able to sleep without that annoying—

_Buzz._

Ed groaned.

_Buzzzzzzzzzz._

_Swat._

_Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz._

_Swat._

_Buzzzzzzzz—_

_**Glomp.**_

Ed froze. Something had grabbed the moth mid-buzz. He peeked out from under his blanket and looked around. Everything appeared to be normal, except there was no moth. Ed felt something move by his leg. He gulped and looked down, expecting the worst.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

In the seam of the blanket there was a tear. The tear was munching—the tear was _chewing—_on the moth that had just previously been flying around Ed's head. Hardly able to believe what he was seeing, Ed sat there stunned. It wasn't until the moth was destroyed and the blanket belched and settle itself back down on his leg that Ed's brain started working again.

_My blanket eats things _thought Ed.

Then he screamed. He shoved off his carnivorous blanket, scrambled for his boots, opened his door, and ran out of his room. Ed grabbed the first doorknob—a square one with an odd looking symbol on it. He pushed the door open and was almost completely covered by a sudden downfall of white sparkly powder. The pile on the floor underneath him started weaving itself around his legs. Ed quickly slammed the door shut and almost pulled his own skin off as he attempted to wipe the powder away.

Ed scrambled through the hall, trying each door with each different doorknob as his panic mounted. The head-shaped knob screamed at him, telling him to mind his own business, the hand knob grabbed his and wouldn't let go, and behind each door that he was able to open, there was some new, frightening thing behind it—slime, flying teacups with wings, and even an empty room with something dark and sinister sitting in the corner.

Ed grabbed the final doorknob (an old, thundercloud shaped one) and opened the door to the staircase. Almost crying with relief, he rushed down the stairs and onto the first floor. He looked around and found himself to be in the kitchen. What he saw there was almost even worse than the floor above him.

The dishes were washing themselves. The fire from the stove was dancing. The rooster clock above the sink was strutting about, calling out that it was time to check the pigs. Ed turned around and around and saw more normal things turned abnormal.

Ed staggered out of the kitchen into the living room, leaning against the wall for support. He started at pictures that winked and waved, characters in one picture going into another. Ed's eyes moved from the pictures to the fireplace, which was glowing green. He stepped cautiously over, and backed away quickly as the fire sudden grew to three times its previous size. It swirled and licked at the edges of the mantel, and suddenly a person stepped in from the flames.

"Luna…," Ed said weakly.

She looked at him. Her big eyes grew even wider, almost filling up her tiny face. "Ed…."

"Well," said a man's voice from behind her. "It seems as though you've found us out."

Ed tried to see where the voice was coming from and who it belonged to. A balding man with red hair stepped out from the fire, followed closely by Mr. Lovegood.

The red haired man walked toward Ed with his had outstretched. "Hello, my name is Arthur Weasley. I live next to the Lovegoods. I'm a wizard."

Ed stared.

"And so is Mr. Lovegood. Luna is a witch."

Ed's legs collapsed from under him and he sat down. Hard. Wizards. Witches. That was impossible.

Completely impossible.

* * *

Well, there it is. Chapter 2. I don't like this one as much. Luna doesn't do as many wierd things. But Ed's found out about wizards and witches now. Even if I don't know where I want to go with the rest of this story, I know that at least he has to find out about things sooner or later.

I realize that Ed should probably have found out about whether or not he can use alchemy yet. The problem is, I don't know if I want him to be able to use it or not. I can't really picture Ed without alchemy, but at the same time, it would be cool if he did things in this story without alchemy. Or maybe a wizardly form of alchemy. That would be cool.

Whatever.

Anyway, I'm sorry if I got people out of character. I think Ed might be a little more mellow than he is in the anime, but I always find it fake when people try to make characters as dramatic as they are in anime. There are some things you can do with pictures that you can't do with words. There are also some things that only work when they're in anime. Like sweatdrops and veins popping out.

Sorry for the randomness, and I don't own anything except the plot.

Leave a review!

churu


	3. ManEating Swarl Monkeys

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Arthur Weasley had expected to get home from work, say hello to his family and his son's friends, pick up the Daily Prophet and have a nice cup of tea. What he didn't expect was having Luna Lovegood running out of his fireplace in a panic, with Mr. Lovegood close on his daughter's heels. No, that wasn't what he had expected. But when he heard Luna's story of a muggle boy that she had found and was in their house and had seen her—or _not_ seen her—well, he figured he'd better go take a look.

When he stepped out of the fireplace and into the Lovegood's living room, it seemed their worst fears had been realized, but, as Arthur was always willing to make a good impression (as well as wanting to speak with a muggle), he put on his best smile, stuck out his hand, and told the sparkly powder-covered young boy in as nice a way as he could manage that he had accidentally stumbled upon a house of witchcraft and wizardry. The boy collapsed in a heap, with powder fluffing up around him in a way that would have been pretty if it hadn't been in such a situation.

"Oh, dear," said Arthur. "This is going to take a bit more explaining." Which was a shame, because obviously the boy would need a little more time before he would be able to answer Arthur's questions about why muggles needed an 'eye pod' to hear music.

* * *

Ed's brain had shut down. It was refusing to take in any more information. Ed just sat and stared at the red-headed old man and watched as he waved his little stick around and made the rooster clock zoom across the room, the fire change from blue to orange, and turned his own cloak into a dress and back again. He could tell the old man was getting more and more antsy as he just sat there and stared, not giving any reaction at all. The old man stopped his explanation, and looked at Ed for a moment.

"So, er, that's about it. Do you have any questions?"

Ed was silent. Questions? Of course he had questions! Was everyone in this room a crackpot? He had known Luna was a little strange, and her father wasn't much better—maybe even worse--, but this man looked like a respectable fellow, and even he was speaking as though Ed should take everything he saw as the truth. Ed had long learned not to believe everything he saw. So, he did what all normal people do when they see something they know to be impossible. He hit himself on the head.

"Ow."

The old man smiled. "You're not dreaming. There really are witches and wizards, and I'm afraid you've stumbled onto a family of them. Not that it's a bad thing, really. We'll just have to report it to the Ministry that you've come here, and they'll set things right."

Luna chose this time to make herself heard. "No, no, NO! You can't send him to the Ministry! They'll send their Man-eating Swarl Monkeys to eat out his brains and send him away! You can't do that!" Ed paled under his layer of silver powder. There was a thought forming in his mind that if there were such things as wizards and witches then maybe the other things Luna had told him were fact as well, not just the confused ramblings of a deranged mind. After all, one of them had already been proved correct.

"Luna…" sighed the old man. "The Ministry does not employ Man-eating Swarl Monkeys. They don't even exist."

"Yes they do!" shouted Luna and Mr. Lovegood at the same time.

"I really don't think there's any proof. Anyway, let's save more talk of Man-eating Swarl Monkeys for a later date. Really now, you're just making the poor boy more nervous." The old man shook his head and turned back to Ed. "Well, Mr…um…"

"Elric. But Ed's fine."

"Well, Mr. Ed—."

"Just Ed. No 'Mr.'"

"Ah. Ed. A rather short name, don't you think?"

"Don't call me short."

"I don't believe I—,"

"Just don't."

"Oh."

"What's your name?"

"Arthur Weasley."

"Kind of like weasel."

"No."

"Oh."

"Now, where did you say you were from?"

"I didn't."

"Then could you tell me please?"

"…"

Mr. Weasley frowned. "I'm afraid I need to know where you're from in order to send you home, Mr. Elric. I can have you Apparated there rather quickly. Now where did you say you were from?"

Ed turned away. "I can't go home," he whispered quietly, more to himself than the red-headed old man.

Mr. Weasley's face remained unchanged. "I'm afraid that unless you come from a different planet, I have to send you home. It is my duty and obligation."

Ed snorted. A different planet. Ha. How about an alternate universe.

Mr. Weasley obviously didn't like being snorted at. "Young man, I am a member of the Ministry of Magic and, as I was the one that was first informed of your present knowledge of witches and wizards, I am the one that has to take you home, otherwise I'll have to turn you over to the proper authorities, Man-eating Swarl Monkeys and all!"

Ed glared at him, and even though he was still covered in silvery dust and sitting on the floor, the glare was enough to make the old man back down.

Mr. Weasley turned to Mr. Lovegood. "I'm afraid you'll have to keep him here until he feels like telling me where he's from. I'll look in some of my children's school books and see if I can find a tongue-loosing potion. Hermione's at my house right now; I'm sure she'll be able to find something." Mr. Lovegood nodded, casting a slightly panicked look in Ed's direction. Ed stared sullenly back. He didn't like the sound of that potion.

"Well, I think that's all you need me here for. But I think it would be best if you tried to keep him from learning much more about the wizarding world. It could be disastrous." Mr. Weasley turned to Luna. "And please, Luna, try not to…"

Ed looked up with a humorless smile. Really, there was no point. Luna'd just do what she wanted to anyway. Like now, for example. She was standing on her head. Mr. Weasley evidently realized there was nothing he could do to keep her from spilling whatever beans she wanted to, because he sighed. "I'll come back when I figure something out. Until then, then." He grabbed some powder from a nose-shaped pot on the mantel, threw it into the fire, yelled, and disappeared into bright green flames.

Ed didn't really like that.

"Good-bye, Mr. Weasley!" called Luna just a little too late. She hopped onto her feet and jumped in front of Ed. She leaned down, and in a very serious voice said, "Did you know that you're covered in white sparkly dust?"

Ed stood up, glared at her, and stomped up the stairs to his room. Luna's big eyes followed him.

"Well," she said to herself, "I suppose I should go make some dinner." As her apron was knotting itself around her waist, there came a yelp-bump-_slam!_ from upstairs. She glanced upwards as footsteps banged on the floor and she turned towards the staircase just in time to see Ed land at the bottom in a cloud of silver powder. He sat there panting for a moment, then looked up at her and said with as much force as he could muster,

"Do something about that blanket!!"

* * *

Everything Ed had ever known was falling down around his ears. In this universe, the Law of Equivalent Exchange meant nothing. A rat could be made from a teacup, inanimate objects could talk, and even creatures that reminded him of chimeras were considered normal. It was too much for him to take in. Too much. Either the Gate was punishing him for wanting Al back, or it was rewarding him by giving him a place where anything was possible. However, he wasn't quite willing to accept that he was being rewarded when every time he walked into his room his blanket snapped at him from the closet. That was as far as Luna had been willing to take it, saying that her father would be devastated if the blanket left the room.

At the moment Ed was sitting on a stool in the kitchen watching Luna as she hummed tunelessly to herself while directing the leftovers from dinner to their proper places in the 'cooling cupboard,' which had a spell placed on it to keep meats and things cold.

"So…" said Ed.

Luna turned to look at him, accidentally motioning a particularly fatty piece of meat onto his head. Grease dripped down Ed's forehead as Luna lowered her wand.

"Do muggles normally put meat on their heads?"

"You idiot! You're the one that put that there! You with your stupid magic!"

"Did I?"

"Yes!"

"Oh." She sat there for a moment as Ed seethed. She raised her wand, and off came the offending piece of steak, only to take a place on her own head. Luna giggled as the grease slimed across her temples. "Look, now we're the same!"

Ed found it difficult to be angry at someone that had a piece of meat balanced on their head. "Luna, get the meat off your head. Someone might eat that later."

"But no one ever eats leftovers in our house."

"Then why do you save them?"

Luna looked at him from under the greasy slab of meat. "I don't really know."

Ed shook his head and looked down at his hands. He had cleaned up before dinner, but there were still bits of sparkly dust stuck in his automail and underneath his fingernails.

"_Scourgify."_

Ed jumped as Luna's wand touched his hand and the bits of dust disappeared. She laughed at his expression.

"You're going to have to get used to magic. If you won't go home, I'll keep you here, and then you'll have to live with magic for the rest of your life." She paused for a moment. "However long that may be," she added as an afterthought.

"Are you going to kill me?"

Luna gasped. "No, no, no, no, no, no! That would be horrible! Wizards don't just kill people for the fun of it! That's like something You-Know-Who would do!"

"Who is it that I'm supposed to know?"

The girl put her finger to her lips and leaned in closer. "We don't say his name," she whispered. "He was a very dark wizard that liked to kill and torture for the fun of it. Surely you heard of all the murders recently. Even muggles like you should have known there was something wrong." She shuddered. "But thankfully," Luna said, suddenly cheerful again, "Harry killed him, and that's that." She grabbed Ed's hand and pulled him off his chair to his feet. "I'm going to show you something. Come with me."

Ed followed Luna outside her house. The sun had set and there was a beautiful crescent moon surrounded by hundreds of twinkling stars. He felt a tug on his sleeve and looked down into Luna's big eyes. It was the most serious he had ever seen her, even when she was talking about You-Know-Who. Ed gulped, afraid of what might happen.

Luna leaned closer until their noses were almost touching. She took a deep breath and blew. She smelled like honey. Ed gulped again. He wasn't quite sure what was happening. Luna took another breath and closed her eyes. Ed started to panic. She wasn't going to—

"Are you my friend?"

Ed pulled back abruptly. Luna still stood with here eyes closed. "What?" he asked.

Luna opened her eyes. "Are you my friend?" she repeated.

"Are you serious?"

"I think you must be confused. He's dead."

"What?"

Luna giggled. "Did you like the joke? You meant the serious as in serious serious, and I made a pun on 'Sirius'." She giggled again.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Seriously," said Luna as she shook her head. "But getting back to your original question... Being friends is the most serious topic in the world. Other than being family, of course."

"Then…then what was all that back there?" Ed gestured wildly, slightly embarrassed about what he had thought was going to happen.

Luna looked over her shoulder. "Back where?"

"You know, the whole blowing thing! What was that?" Ed replied.

Luna turned around to look at Ed again. "I was getting serious. It's hard to get serious when you've just had a piece of dinner on your head."

Ed could hardly believe the conversation he was having. "How on earth does blowing on me make you get serious?! I thought you were going to--!" Ed stopped. He couldn't finish the sentence.

Luna appeared to be confused. "What did you think I was going to do?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"No."

"Your cheeks are pink."

"They are not."

"Are too."

"Are not. Besides, it's dark out. You can't even tell."

"I can tell."

"Can not."

"_Lumos._"

"What the heck—!"

"Your cheeks _are_ pink!"

"Shut up." Ed turned away, embarrassed.

"You didn't answer my question. Are you my friend?"

Ed looked down at the strange, small, white haired, big eyed girl holding a glowing stick. The pale light cast by the wand cast eerie shadows across the lawn. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

Luna smiled. "Then come with me. I have something to show you."

She turned and scampered skillfully down the grass toward a marshy-looking area, leaving Ed on the top of the hill.

Ed watched her for a moment. "Ah, what the heck," he muttered, and followed.

* * *

Well, there it is. Chapter three. I liked the end of this chapter better than the beginning. Heehee...how many of you thought she was going to kiss him?

Haha.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. I love it. iMuchas, muchas gracias! It makes me feel so much more like writing!

Now for my questions. Is it moving too fast? Too slow? Do you understand who's talking at all times? Are some attempts at humor so completely obvious they make you want to pull out your eyes and send me a review? I realize the serious/Sirius line has been used way too many times. Sorry. It just fit so perfectly. I actually didn't realize it until I read over the second time and I just had to add it.

Mr. Weasley and Ed got off to a great start, don't you think?

A few more things. I've decided on a basic storyline, and I know whether or not Ed's going to have alchemy/wizard powers. Thanks to all those who gave their opinions of the subject! And another thing--I live off of spellcheck. I know which words I want to use, and most of the time I don't know how to spell them. I generally end up using the wrong form or the wrong number or "r"s or something like that. If you notice something, please tell me. Thank you to those of you who have mentioned these things already. I spelling/grammar errors when I'm reading fanfiction, so I want to make it better for you guys as well.

Thanks again for the reviews!

Hugs, kisses, and many anime boys in your room when you wake up in the morning--

churu

-edit- My parent's computer has this really annoying filter on it that takes out words and stuff that if deems "inappropriate." 'Witch' and 'red-headed' were some of them. It took them out of my stinking story!!

Grrrrr...so now I'm on my sister's. I hope this works this time. Sorry, sorry, sorry!!


	4. Shargenshole

Chapter 4--Shargenshole

Ed should have known that following a witch into a marsh at night was a bad idea. A very, very, very bad idea. He should have known that following Luna Lovegood into a marsh at night was, if possible, an even worse idea than that. Much, much, much worse. The night Ed followed Luna into her marsh was full of bad ideas, and following her was just the first.

Ed had followed Luna into the marsh in her backyard, still slightly angry at himself for thinking that she was going to do what he had thought she was going to do, and he hadn't really been paying attention to his surroundings. This is a very bad idea. So it came as a great shock to Ed when he found himself thigh deep in a slimy wet mud hole. Ed stood for a moment, letting the shock of mud oozing into his boots fully register. It was not the most pleasant feeling. Kind of like stepping into a gigantic, slobbery mouth. Grumbling something about the stupidity of "this alchemy-less world," Ed grabbed onto a handy vine and started to pull himself up. It was then that Edward Elric discovered that mixing metal legs and mud is an extremely bad idea.

He was stuck.

So, Ed did what he normally did when he was in a dire situation.

He swore.

* * *

_Ten Minutes Later_

"…and then I'll rip out your eyes and stick them up your a--!"

"Are you stuck?" interrupted Luna.

Much as he was glad to see someone who could help him, Ed couldn't help but be slightly frustrated. Patience is not one of Ed's most prevalent virtues, especially patience involving answering stupid questions. "Oh, no, Luna," said Ed, "I'm not stuck. I figured I'd stay here in mud up to my armpits just because I felt like finding out what it was like to have mud oozing down my pants."

"Oh, research!" exclaimed Luna. "How's it going? What does it feel like? Can I join in?"

"It feels kind of like my butt has the 'poop' button on maximum and someone forgot to turn it off—wait, what are you doing?! Stop, don't come any closer! If you come in, then no one will be able to pull…us…out……How are you doing that?"

For Luna was walking on the mud, without even sinking the tiniest bit. She stopped in front of Ed with her hands on her hips. "Do you like my boots? They're my mother's special marsh boots. See?" She stuck a very clean boot up in front of Ed's nose. "They have Shargenshole saliva rubbed into them, so they repel water, dirt, mud, and anything else I happen to step in. They also make a thin layer about six inches around that allows me to walk on mud."

"And a Shargenshole is--?"

"A little gnome-like creature that lives under beech tree roots."

"Right. Where can I get a pair of boots?"

"There's only one pair."

Ed sighed. Of course. And her mother was probably the only one who could get the Shargenshole things to spit. He should have expected that. "Well then, why don't you pull me out and we can figure out how to get me to whatever it is you want me to see."

"Oh," said Luna, "are you done with your research?"

"I was never doing research to begin with!"

"Then don't tell me you were!" Luna grabbed Ed's reaching hands and pulled. Somehow, with the help of a few handy spells, she was able to get him free. Ed scrambled to the edge of the mudhole and Luna sat next to him, panting.

"I—think—," wheezed Ed, "that—I left—one of—my—boots—in—there."

"…._accio…boot…_" Ed's boot squelched out of the mud hole with a giant popping noise and fell next to Luna's wand. Mud oozed from between the shoelaces.

"Luna…."

"…_scourgify…_"

Unfortunately, mud taken from a marsh at night under a quarter moon is quite resistant to magic. Ed and his boot were stuck dirty, smelly, and a little worse for wear.

"Well!" said Luna after they had rested for a bit, "There's really no point in sitting here any longer! I still need to show you something! Come on!" She dragged on Ed's arm.

""Luna…I only have one boot."

"Oh. Well…um…you can use one of mine!"

"Then you'll only have one."

"No, watch." Luna reached down to tickle her boot right next to the third shoelace hole. The boot began to giggle and squirm, and then expanded to twice its original size. "See? Now we can share."

Ed shook his head, but it wasn't to disagree. He was never, _ever_ going to get used to magic.

* * *

"Okay, let's go!"

"Ed, are you sure you tied it tight enough?"

"Of course."

"Now, we'll start with left…?"

"No, that wouldn't work. Your left is connected to my right."

"Then maybe we should connect lefts."

"But then one of us would be walking backwards. It has to be right and left, left and right."

"But Ed, your left isn't connected to my right."

"That's the way it works. Only one pair needs to be connected. It's supposed to be that way."

"I don't get it."

"It doesn't matter. When I say 'in,' step with your left foot. When I say 'out,' step with your right. Got it?"

" 'In,' left, 'out,' right."

"Yup. Alright…now. IN!"

"Wait, what?! You said right! Ed, you're going to fall--aaahhhh!"

_Squelch._

"….Ed?"

"Shut up, Luna. And get off me."

* * *

After the trouble at the beginning, Luna and Ed made fairly fast progress through the marsh. They had perfected their three-legged style down to an art when Luna finally called a halt.

"This is it! Isn't it beautiful?" She spread her muddy hands to take in a large, moldy, dead tree.

Ed was about to comment on the fact that he was exhausted, his mind was still trying to wrap itself around the concept of magic, that he now had mud in places he didn't even know he had, and all she had wanted to show him was a _tree_! when Luna dug her want out from her sleeve, muttered a few words, and a section of the bark on the tree peeled away to reveal a staircase. She turned back and grinned at Ed's shocked face.

"This," said Luna, "is my clubhouse." They stepped together, sidled though the door, and started making their way up the stairs.

Luna's clubhouse was exquisite. Built to leave the branches of the dead tree intact, there were many different rooms and hallways twisting and turning, as well as many different levels. There was a small kitchen, a living room, three bedrooms, a game room, and a few doors that led to nowhere, all connected by seven staircases and eighteen long winding hallways. And, to Ed's great relief, there were a few bathrooms, all complete with a shower and a large old-fashioned bathtub.

Ed got out of his hot shower to find his clothes already dried from their wash in the sink. He dressed and went out to find Luna curled up with a book on a squishy chair next to the fireplace.

"Hey, Luna?" he asked.

"Mmm?" She turned a page in her book and didn't look up.

"Why can't you see this place from the ground? From below all you could see were the branches."

"It's a specialized invisibility spell. You can see it from the inside, but not the outside. In my Muggle Studies class at Hogwarts they said that muggles made something sort of like it for their car windows."

"Um…sure." Ed didn't want to go into how little he really knew about how 'muggles' in this world behaved, so he quickly asked another question. "So was that kind of spell like the one on the cemetery? When I left it just disappeared." He had been curious about that spell since the beginning.

"Kind of. That one's a little more advanced. It's meant to keep just muggles away. It dates back to ages ago when muggles tried to kill all witches and wizards. We didn't want our ancestor's bodies defiled, so we hid them. That's why you can't see it, but all wizards and witches can." She closed her book. "But that doesn't really matter for my mother." She got up and headed to the kitchen. Ed followed. He wanted to keep her talking while she wasn't being as weird as usual.

"Why doesn't it matter for your mother? Isn't her grave in the cemetery? I couldn't see it when I looked back."

Luna glanced at him. She stepped closer and took his face in her hands. She touched his forehead with her own and took a deep breath. Ed stepped back.

"Yes, Luna. I'm your friend."

She looked at him and shook her head. She raised a finger to tap on his chest. "Are you my best friend?"

"I don't know. Don't you have one already?"

"Not really. I don't have any friends that know everything about me."

"I don't know if I can be your best friend. I already have one, and he has me."

"Who?"

"My little brother."

"If your little brother is your best friend, then why can't you go home?"

Ed looked away from her. "It's a long story."

"We have all night." She looked more serious than Ed had ever seen her.

"How about you tell me your secret," Ed suggested, "then I'll tell you mine. That way, even if we're just friends, we know something about each other that no one else knows."

Luna thought for a moment. "Alright. But we're going to need something to drink."

Once they had both settled themselves on the couch with a blanket, a mug of cocoa, and a bottle of what she called 'butterbeer,' Luna told her secret.

"My mother was a brilliant witch. She knew everything, and if she didn't know it, she wanted to find out about it. One day, she was experimenting, and I believe she was quite close to a breakthrough. Unfortunately, the experiment went wrong, and she died." Luna took a deep breath. "I saw her die. And then her body was…taken. So the coffin in the cemetery is empty."

Ed and Luna sat there for a little while, listening to the fire crack and sipping their drinks.

"So, what's your secret?"

"I…um…" Ed didn't really feel comfortable telling her that he was from another universe. "I also saw my mother die."

"Oh. I see." Luna said. "We're more alike than different, aren't we."

"Trust me, Luna. You don't want to be like me."

Luna took another sip of her cocoa. A few minutes went by, and Ed was starting to feel drowsy. He had had a long day, full of trying to comprehend new things. To think he had been bored at the start of it! Ed was startled from his reverie by Luna's voice.

"Would you like me to tell you a good-night story? My mother always used to tell me stories when I was trying to fall asleep."

Ed nodded sleepily. It couldn't hurt, after all. It would probably be a bit comforting.

"Alright. This is a story my mother used to tell me all the time when I was little." Luna peered into Ed's half-lidded eyes. "And the best part is—it's all true!"

Thinking that that Luna's (and probably her mother's) version of true versus the rest of the world's might be a little different, Ed closed his eyes and snuggled deeper into the sofa. But Luna's story did anything but lull him to sleep.

"There is a world connected to this one—a world without wizardry, but also without muggles. In this world, there is a different kind of power, one that controls all aspects of life. All know of it, but not all use it. It is the power of transmutation. The ability to take something and make it something else. The people there call it alchemy.

"In this world, they are governed by a law, a law that is as cruel as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and as merciless as a cold spring wind. The Law of Equivalent Exchange. It is not like the law in our world, where something can be created out of anything. A teacup to a mouse. A person to an animal. Not so in that world. In that world, they must use materials they already have in order to create something. Living things cannot be made from nonliving.

"This is the story of a man who couldn't live by those rules, and discovered a way to make it to our world. This man lived in a place called Amestris. This was--"

"Don't say anymore!!" Luna jumped, startled at being interrupted. Ed had jerked awake as soon as Luna had said the word 'transmutation.' He had started to shake when she mentioned alchemy. He clenched his hands together and pressed his thumb onto his automail as she talked about the Law. And during the rest of the story he stayed deathly still. But when she had said the name of his country—his _country­_—he couldn't stay silent anymore.

"How do you know about Amestris?!"

"My mother told me stories when—"

"How did your mother know?!"

"She researched alternate worlds, and the world of Amestris was--"

Ed grabbed Luna's shoulders and shook her hard. "How did your mother die?! Tell me! I want details!!"

Luna shrank under his harsh stare. "I don't--"

Ed shook her again. "Tell me!"

"She was doing an experiment and --"

"What kind of experiment?!"

"I don't--"

"What was she doing?!"

"Wait—stop interrupting!" Luna was angry. "I'll tell you, I just--!"

"Then tell me already!"

"Why do you want to know so badly?!"

"Just tell me!!"

"Fine! My mother was trying to get to another world. She was trying to get to the world of Amestris. She had finally figured out a formula that would get her there, or at least that's what she thought. I was in her lab when she figured it out and decided to try it. She drew a big circle—a..a..a transmutation circle--filled with little designs and symbols that I didn't understand and then tried a spell with it, but it didn't work. While she was inside it trying to fix it I knocked a bottle of that same silver powder that was covering you over and—and—and--" Luna could go no farther. But Ed needed to know more.

"Tell me Luna. Tell me what happened."

Luna stifled a sob and continued. "The powder flowed over the lines she had drawn and started to glow blue and then she turned into something awful--" She stopped.

"You don't need to describe it. Then what happened."

"Her body was taken."

"Her body was taken?! By who?!"

"Arms," Luna whispered.

A cold shiver ran down Ed's spine. "Arms?"

"Yeah. Black ones. They came from the center of the circle."

Ed stood up, knocking his butterbeer to the ground. It stained the rug, but at the moment he didn't care. "Where's your mother's lab?! Take me there right now!"

"But it's dark and we just got dry--!"

"I don't care! Take me there right now!"

"Why?!"

Ed grabbed Luna's hands. "Luna, please. I am your friend, and I say this is urgent. Please, don't ask questions right now. I'll explain everything after you show me your mother's lab. Please."

Luna nodded and got up. They both quickly put on their boots and Ed threw his red jacket over his shoulder as he ran out the door.

_This could be a way back home!_

* * *

The lab wasn't far from the clubhouse. Ed stood looking at an empty clearing while Luna looked for the right knot on the stump in the middle so that they could both go into it. Ed was shaking with fear and anticipation. He might find a way home, he might find a way home, he might find a way home—

"Ready?" asked Luna, holding out her hand. Ed grabbed it, and they were sucked through the stump to land on a pile of old sheets. Ed coughed up dust and scrambled to his feet. The lab obviously hadn't been touched in a long time.

"My daddy left everything the way it was when Mum died. I haven't been here since." Luna was cowering slightly, finger and thumb on Ed's coat. He almost felt sorry for forcing her to bring him here, to this place that had so many bad memories. He had burned all his away.

He picked up the edge of a sheet that was covering the floor. He swore when he saw that the transmutation circle had been smudged beyond recognition.

"Luna, do you have any more of that powder?"

She nodded and pointed with a shaky finger at the lab bench across the room, where a tipped bottle was still about a third full. Ed made his way slowly over to the bench and looked down at the silvery substance. He grabbed a handful and rubbed it all over his hands. It made a filmy glove-like covering, turning his automail white.

"Ed, what are you doing?" asked Luna, peering at him from the other side of the room.

Ed shook his head and put one silver finger to his lips. He looked at his shaking hands and took a deep breath. _We'll start simple_, thought Ed.

He clapped his hands together and prayed.

* * *

Mrs. Weasley had just taken little Teddy back to his crib after his first cry of the night, and she was just going back to bed when she saw something that disturbed her quite a bit. She bustled into her bedroom where Mr. Weasley lay snoring lightly. She shook him awake and in response to his inquisitive snort just told him to get dressed and she'd wake up the boys.

"Molly, what in Merlin's name is the matter?"

"I'm sure it's nothing dear, I just want you to go check on the Lovegoods."

"But…why?"

"Someone's doing something in their marsh."

Mr. Weasley put a leg out from under the covers and paused. "In their marsh? Molly, more things happen in that swamp than you could possible count in a lifetime."

"Yes, I know Arthur. But I think this time we've really got to do something!"

"Why?"

"Because this time some muggles might notice. Someone's flashing blue light out there, and there's a pillar sticking out twice as high any of the trees."

"Blue light."

"Yes."

"And a pillar?"

"Yes."

"…Alright, I'm getting up."

"I'll go get the boys."

* * *

Sooooooooooo...There it is! Chapter 4! I didn't really like the flow of this one as much, but at least I got my little plot bubble a little more out into the open. I've got a few ideas about what exactly is going to happen next, but you can be assured that Ed will NOT be going to Hogwarts!! (or, if he does, it will be for a very, very, VERY short time. Like a chapter or two. Yupyup.)

I got some really good feedback and tried to put it into my story and writing style a little bit more. I can tell I've either improved or gotten worse, but I can't really tell which. haha

I'm thinking I might change the title of this story. 'A Picnic' was just something I threw on, and it fit the first chapter, but not really anything else. My characters do eat a lot, though.

What do you think of the way Ed got a power? It's like alchemy, but with wizardry mixed in, and it connects him to Luna as well. Yayness! Yippee skippy and all that.

Are the characters still in character? I had a little trouble with Luna when Ed was trying to get info out of her. I wasn't sure how she'd react, so I played with submissive and then challenging, but in the end had to go with...um...both? I think? I have no idea what I was doing there.

Thanks to everyone that's reviewed!! To future reviewers: Thanks!! Would you guys like me to personally respond to all of you down here? I haven't been doing it, because I always feel cheated whenever I think a chapter is long but then the bottom half is filled with personal responses. But, hey, if it makes you guys happy, then it's fine by me.

Hugs, kisses, and many anime men/women (whichever you prefer) in your room in the morning,

churu


	5. Twintles

Chapter 5—Twintles

Two small children sat next to a lake in the desert. The oasis was large, but the children were the only people there. One was reading aloud from a book, and the other seemed ready to rip it out of his hands.

"A man who has been wandering the desert for a few weeks and suddenly happens upon an oasis with a large amount of water has two choices: drink slowly or quickly. For health reasons it is prudent for the man to drink slowly. If he drinks too much water too soon, he will find himself prostrated on the ground with an atrocious stomach ache. For psychological reasons, however, the man may prefer to drink quickly. And so begins the struggle between body and mind—his psyche has had a grueling time trying to keep straight reality from mirage, but if he drinks as much as he would like his body will rebel against him and he will feel almost as ill as he had the past few weeks. In a situation like this, it becomes clear if a man values his body or his mind more. A man who feels his body is more important will, of course, drink slowly whereas a man who has given his mind top priority will probably--"

"Al, shut up. We've been wandering in this desert for days and I refuse to listen to any more of your stupid book's advice about what someone should do when they find an oasis. Just let me at the water."

"But Winry, we can't! We must consider the consequences of our actions! If we drink too quickly we might get sick--!"

Winry threw up her hands in frustration. "Al, I don't care! Honestly!"

"…and then we wouldn't be able to look for Ed."

The blonde girl was silent for a moment and fingered the large wrench at her waist.

_Sniff._

"Al, don't cry."

"…."

"Aw, jeez, Al. I'm sorry! Is that okay?!"

Al wiped his nose on his sleeve before turning back to his book. "…I just think we should think about drinking before we drink."

"Well hurry up and think so we can drink it and get a move on."

"Well…which would you rather gratify—your mind or your body?"

"Al…"

"Answer the question, Winry."

"Come on, Al! Isn't there a way you can gratify both?"

"I don't know. I bet Ed would."

"But he's not here. Doesn't your book say something?"

"The book doesn't say. Wait—here's something. 'Gratifying both body and mind would be ideal, but unfortunately—.'"

"That doesn't sound good." Al looked up at Winry's comment and glared at her. He cleared his throat.

"—'unfortunately the way to gratify both body and mind has yet to be determined. A few methods have been researched, but so far they are inconclusive and'—," Al stopped as he turned the page.

Al's finger slowly moved to the side of the page. He lowered his head and choked out a laugh. Winry watched as he turned the book so she could see what amused him.

She leaned forward and squinted in order to read the words scrawled in the margin.

_Water fight!!_

Winry smiled. "Well, Al, I suggest we take Ed's advice and gratify both our bodies and minds."

Al grinned back, his eyes sparkling. He jumped up and his book fell to the ground, leaving more of Ed's note revealed.

_Just as long as I win!_

* * *

Ed was currently taking his own advice, but it was not water that he had found. It was a silvery powder that liked to wrap itself around his ankles. He was throwing it above his head, spinning around, and transmuting things into sculptures and back again. Oh, yes, he was gratifying both his body and his mind—but probably more his mind.

Ed had started simple—really, he had. Just a miniature wooden horse protruding from the top of the lab bench. Just something to prove the dust he had poured on his hands actually was able to induce the power of alchemy. But when it actually worked, when his powdery hands had glowed blue and lightning bolts had covered the lab bench, he had gone a little crazy and decided to try to see what he could do.

He could do a lot. He drew circle after circle and transmuted the floor of the lab into a gigantic pillar, the lab bench into a life-size sculpture of Al's armor, his automail into a sword, and many, many other various things, like trying his hand at turning lead into gold. He had stopped drawing circles and now was just clapping his hands to transmutate materials.

The silver dust intertwined itself around Ed, covering his arms and legs and face until he looked more like a ghost than anything else. Ed didn't care. This was his miracle. Somehow, in this alchemy-less world he had managed to find something that could give him his power back. Ed could not contain his happiness!

So it continued for a few minutes. It wasn't until he felt a timid hand on his arm that Ed remembered Luna. It was then that he also realized he had been laughing maniacally. He quickly silenced his laughter and turned to face her. She was looking at him with a mixture of fear, awe, and determination.

"I think," said Luna in a shaky voice, "that you owe me an explanation."

Ed stood motionless for a moment. Then he turned away and scooped up the rest of the silvery powder into a jar. Screwing the lid shut, he noticed that the powder was traveling across his body to create a glove-like form on his hands. He smiled, pocketed the jar, and turned to face Luna. He took a deep breath.

"Luna?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to tell you a story."

"What kind of a story?"

"A true one."

Luna stared down at Ed's hands. "Are you one of the characters?"

Ed gave a grim smile. "Unfortunately, yes. Would you like to hear it?"

Luna grabbed his elbow and started to pull him towards the door. "Yes, but first let's get back to the clubhouse. I don't like it in here."

When they had levitated out of the stump, Ed was able to survey the damage he had done. He had almost destroyed the roof of the lab with his giant pillar. He was about to fix it, but Luna stopped him. "You can do that later. I need an explanation _now._" She stopped, sat on the ground, and looked expectantly at him.

"I thought we needed to get to the clubhouse."

"This is far enough. I want you to tell me what just happened."

Ed sighed. "Alright." He sat down next to her and pulled out his pocket watch. He hesitated, and then opened it. _Don't forget 3. Oct. 10. _"You know that story you started? The one about the man from Amestris who didn't think the Law of Equivalent Exchange was fair and tried to make it to this world?" Luna nodded. "Well, my story is kind of like that."

Luna's eyes widened and she leaned in, eager to hear more.

Ed drew in another breath. "Okay.

"You already know about the Law, so I'm not going to explain it to you. That is fundamental to this story. The Law governs everything in Amestris, not like you have it here. My story is one about a pair of brothers that tried to do that which is forbidden in alchemy….

* * *

Ed twirled a piece of grass around his finger. The night was winding down, but the sky was still dark. He had finished telling Luna his story, and she had told him that she was thinking, so he was to remain as silent as a Kreewee. What ever that was. Occasionally she would ask a question, and then go back to thinking. She had been silent for a few minutes now, and Ed thought her thinking must nearly be done.

"So," said Luna, startling Ed from his stupor, "is it possible for my mother to come back? Could she be restored to how she used to be?"

Ed thought he should have seen that question coming. He looked Luna straight in her big eyes. "No."

"But you came here to bring your brother back."

"Not my brother—my brother's body. I was able to save his soul the first time. The Gate doesn't give back souls. There is nothing that could be equivalent."

Luna looked disappointed, but also as though she had been expecting the answer. Now it was her turn to play with the grass.

They both heard the twig snap and muffled curse at the same time. Ed brought his hands up and whirled to face the noise while Luna pulled out her wand equally fast.

"Who's there?" called Ed.

No one answered. Luna's wand glowed and she raised it to reveal a group of people huddled together on the other side of the clearing. Luna smiled and lowered her wand slightly.

"Mr. Weasley! It's nice to see you again! And Harry! Ron! Ginny! Charlie! I didn't know you were home from Romania yet."

The group moved closer, traveling on the outer edge of the clearing—as far from the gaping hole the pillar was coming out of as possible. Ed was gradually able to get a better view of the group. He recognized the red-haired man—Mr. Weasley. Then the three red-haired people must be his children. And then there was a boy with messy black hair and glasses. The boy was looking at Ed with great suspicion, so Ed decided to ignore him.

"Luna? Is that you?" asked Mr. Weasley.

"Of course it is," said Luna. "Unless some Glooveparidian had come and copied me down to the mole on my left pinky toe and taken my place." She paused, looking thoughtful, then turned to Ed while leaning down to untie her left boot. "Ed, you check."

Ed recoiled at the thought. "Please, Luna, keep your boot on!"

Mr. Weasley seemed to have noticed him for the first time. "You're the muggle boy that I met earlier!"

_Ten points to the balding red-head!_ thought Ed, but out loud he said, "Yup."

The rest of the group seemed to take a greater interest in him at that, but Mr. Weasley turned his attention back to Luna. "Luna, what have you been doing out here? I thought I told you to keep him from learning anything more about magic! It's going to be more difficult to Obliviate him once we get authorization!"

Luna glanced at Ed. "I haven't told him anything about magic. We were just telling stories."

Mr. Weasley waved his arms in the pillar's direction. "Did you need props? Light effects? We could see everything from my house! Showing him magic is the same as telling him!"

Ed didn't like seeing Luna get in trouble on account of his actions, but there was nothing he could do without revealing to this man that he was from a different universe. Luna seemed to be aware that he didn't want to be found out, and for that he was grateful, but he wanted to try to see if he could take the blame off her a little. He put on an expression that he decided might look a little angelic.

"I'm sorry, Mr…um…Weasley. It's my fault. I was so…um…confused about the whole magic thing that I…uh…ran of into the woods! and…um…Luna ran after me because there are terrible things in here like…um…Ferrous Molkenbloders and…uh…Black Knee-skinning Beetles and…um…Grunbludge Trees that will rip your heads off and lots of other things, so…um…yeah." Ed glanced at Luna. She winked at him and started nodding in agreement. He continued. "So...um…she was telling me a story to help me feel better because I was…um…you know…scared…but I think things got a little out of hand. I'm very sorry."

Ed decided that, in the face of five possible hostile wizards, he wasn't a very good liar, but Mr. Weasley seemed to think it a suitable explanation. He sighed and looked from Luna to Ed. "Don't let it happen again, please."

"We won't," said the two together. They shared a glance.

Mr. Weasley turned to one of his companions. "Charlie, would you go back to the Burrow and tell your mother that we've handled the situation, and that there will be a few more for breakfast? And send Errol over to the Lovegood's to tell Mr. Lovegood that Luna and his—guest—will be at our house." The stocky red-haired man nodded and disappeared with a loud crack. Ed stared. The taller red head laughed at his expression.

"It's called Apparating, mate. It's how wizards get from place to place."

"Ron!" scolded his brown-haired companion. "Your father just told Luna not to tell him anything else about magic! That means you too!"

The one called Ron looked sheepishly down at her. "Aw, come on Hermione! If he's coming for breakfast, I don't understand why we can't tell him things. Apparating's how we're going to get to the Burrow, anyway. I'm Ron Weasley, by the way," he said to Ed.

The brown-haired girl walked forward and stuck out her hand. "I'm Hermione Granger."

Ed shook her hand. "I'm Ed Elric."

"And he's Harry Potter!" breathed Luna into Ed's ear. It scared him quite a lot, and he jumped. Ed looked at the black-haired boy. He seemed sullen and a little distempered, and a little irked that Luna had introduced him, but he stuck out his hand just the same.

"Well, now that we've made introductions, shall we get going?" interrupted Mr. Weasley. "We might be able to get a few more hours of sleep before breakfast is on the table."

Ron yawned. "I could use a few. How're we going to go?"

"I think I should take Ed. The rest of you should be able to Apparate there on you own."

"I don't think we should Apparate there, Mr. Weasley," came a dreamy voice from behind Ed. Luna was watching Harry with a small smile on her face. She turned to look at Mr. Weasley and her face turned serious. "My mother always told me that when you Apparate you might disrupt the sleep of the Twintles that live in the darkness between Here and There." Her eyes grew wider. "Then they'll grab you when you're half way through and hold you there captive unless you can supply them with a lifetime supply of hair from a Seltniwt. Which, as everyone knows, is very hard to find," she finished.

Mr. Weasley looked as though he was trying very hard not to tell her that she was very mistaken and that there were no such things as Twintles, and how could Seltniwts have hair if they didn't exist in the first place. He gained composure and turned to his companions. "I suppose we'll have to walk, then."

Ron groaned and Hermione and Harry sighed. "So much for a few extra hours," muttered Ron as they shuffled toward Mr. Weasley. Hermione detoured to Ed and bent over to whisper to him.

"Ed, you really shouldn't believe everything Luna tells you." She glanced toward the topic of her discussion, who was currently picking a scab on her left elbow. "She's grown up believing the most ridiculous things and she parrots them like they're fact. Please be careful what you believe that she says." Hermione smiled at him and retook her place beside Ron.

Ed glanced over at Luna. She looked up and smiled brightly. _I think I can choose who I want to believe, _thought Ed. _She's gotten pretty much everything right so far. And she doesn't talk badly about people. Except that Ministry thing. She really doesn't like that._

The group followed Mr. Weasley from the clearing. Ed and Luna took up the rear, but that didn't stop Ed from hearing Mr. Weasley mutter to himself,

"What kind of spell makes a giant pillar grow out of the ground?"

Ed smiled as Luna grabbed his non-metallic hand and stood on her tip-toes to whisper in his ear, "Alchemy, that's what." She tightened her grip. "But it's a secret." She smiled.

Ed bent slightly to whisper back. "A secret between friends."

Luna's smile grew wider until the corners of her mouth almost reached her ears and her eyes scrunched. Ed kept hold of her hand as they made their way slowly through the marsh. His powder-covered hands glowed slightly blue as the sky grew lighter. He smiled.

_Maybe this world isn't all that bad._

* * *

Chapter five!! I got stuck at the beginning of this one. I couldn't figure out how to start. I've heard somewhere that if you change characters or points of view or something then it can help, so I tried that. I might end up deleting that part because it really does nothing for the story line and really has nothing to do with anything, but I needed it to help start me writing. I kept it in because I couldn't think of anyway else to start.

I have realized that when you add more characters it gets more difficult to write them all uniquely. Especially characters that people know as well as the Trio. Oh well. I'll get rid of them soon enough. heehee...

No, really. This story is about Ed and Luna, not anybody else. I may add Winry and Al in later, but it's mostly Ed and Luna. Yay! I wasn't able to show Luna's kookiness in this one, but I think the progression of their friendship was pretty good. Jeez, it feels like I'm reviewing my own story! That's for you guys to do!

Thanks so much for reading!

churu

PS. I just finished reading Fablehaven. Awesome book! I highly recommend it.


	6. Lolitrops and Arckloths

Chapter 6—Lolitrops and Arckloths

By the time they reached the Weasley's home, Ed had re-thought his opinion of Luna's world. Since he was wearing his own boots instead of sharing one with Luna, he had sunk into every mud hole they had come across. The fact that there were people in front of him made little difference—they were all wizards and could do a their little disappear-reappear act. Luna had her boots, so she could just walk across. Ed had a metal leg and sunk like a rock. Plus he didn't dare to do alchemy and change the mud to something more walk-on-able, like cement. The only part about it that was semi-enjoyable was seeing Hermione's face as his swearing became more and more explicit.

After Ed had fallen into his eleventh mud hole and made up a few new curses, Mr. Weasley made an executive decision: It was his moral duty to help the muggle as much as possible, and therefore he must aid him in getting out of the swamp.

He also was having trouble holding back a chuckle or two at the mud-laden muggle. Ron had given up ages ago.

Mr. Weasley conjured a stretcher and Ed was placed upon it. It floated a few feet above the ground, and followed Mr. Weasley closely. With the stretcher they made good time, and broke free from the gloomy marsh just as the sun peeked its first ray over the horizon.

"Welcome to the Burrow," said Mr. Weasley.

Ed barely had time to take in the eccentric angle of the house's different wings when he was attacked from behind.

* * *

"I'm dreadfully sorry," Mrs. Weasley said for the thousandth time as she scrubbed mud and matted feathers off the back of Ed's neck. "Errol's such an old owl, but every time we think about getting a new one, I always feel guilty. We have Pig, of course, but he's away right now." She scrubbed a bit harder. "There now. My goodness, mud taken from the swamp at the quarter moon really doesn't come off easily, does it? Now, let me do your coat."

Ed pulled his coat tighter around himself. All he had under it was a black sleeveless shirt. He didn't know what would happen if these people found out he had a metal arm. Luna had been fairly accepting, but that was Luna. He didn't know if any of these other wizards would think of it as she had. He doubted it.

Mrs. Weasley smiled kindly. "I'm not going to bite, I just want to clean it for you."

Ed thought quickly. "Um…I…uh…don't like showing my…uh…arms to people because…um…because…uh…because I was in a fire and they're all scarred…and…um…yeah."

Mrs. Weasley touched his shoulder gently. "Oh, I'm so sorry I brought it up. Why don't I go see if Ron has an old robe you can borrow? Will that do? Then you can wear that one while I clean your coat."

Ed nodded, grateful that she hadn't asked anymore questions. There _had_ been a fire, but it had been of his own making, and it had nothing to do with why he wanted to hide his arms. As Mrs. Weasley toddled off to a different wing of the house, Ed sat quietly and picked at the mud on his 'gloves'. It came off easily, but it brought powder with it, revealing the metal underneath. Ed quickly peeled the rest of the mud off and stuck his hands in his pockets where he had stashed some extra powder. It quickly covered his hands and he pulled them out just as Mrs. Weasley came back in the room with a garishly multicolored bundle.

Ron's robes had to be rolled up quite a few times for Ed's fingers to be able to just poke through. Ed was glad Mrs. Weasley refrained from making any comments about his height.

"There now. I think that will do. You stay up here by the fire and warm up, and I'll go down and make breakfast. You're welcome to stay here until your clothes dry, or you can come down in Ron's robes. It doesn't matter. Come down when you feel like it," said Mrs. Weasley kindly. She opened the door and made a noise rather like a mouse choking on a piece of toast. Luna was standing right outside the door, waiting to come in. "Oh, Luna dear," said Mrs. Weasley after she had regained her composure, "please try to stand a little farther away from the door."

"Sorry Mrs. Weasley," said Luna. She shut the door behind her and tip toed to Ed's side. "Are you alright?" she whispered.

"Luna, I've been mud-covered before and it'll probably happen again. Of course I'm alright."

"Oh, good. I was worried for a while there. Owl attacks are so rare. I was sure it was a Jemle or something like that."

Ed sighed. "What's a Jemle, Luna?"

"Oh, they live in ancient tombs in the mountains in South America and attack people with long sticks coated with venom secreted from the wisdom teeth of Blue-Back Glow Frogs."

"Luna, we were in a marsh, not the mountains."

Luna looked thoughtful. "I suppose you're right." She stood up suddenly, and snatched Ed's coat away from the fireplace. "Your coat is dry! Let's go eat—Mrs. Weasley makes the most wonderful jam."

Ed sighed. "Alright, just give me my coat and help me get out of this thing."

"It's called a robe, though it looks as though someone set a Lolitrop on it." Luna's eyes grew wider. "Quick! Check for swollen stitches along the seams of the armpit!" She wrenched Ed's arm up and peered closer. "Everything appears to be in order," she muttered. "One last test to check." She lifted her wand and pointed it at Ed's armpit.

"Luna! What are you doing?!" Mr. Weasley had come to tell them breakfast was ready. Luna turned with her wand still aimed at Ed.

"Checking for Lolitrops, Mr. Weasley."

"Well…stop checking and get your wand back in your pocket! Really, Luna, stop scaring the poor muggle. He's been through enough already!"

Luna sent a suspicious glance at Ed's armpit and placed her wand in her sleeve. "We'll come down as soon as Ed's changed." Mr. Weasley nodded and went back down to the kitchen. Ed changed quickly and he and Luna followed.

The kitchen was delightfully warm and smelled wonderful. Ed's mouth watered as he took his seat, which was right next to Mr. Weasley. Luna sat on his other side, and Harry was across the table. He was still looking at Ed suspiciously, but Ed decided to ignore it. After a sharp question about wearing gloves to the table, it seemed as though Harry would ignore him as well. It was a relief, because Ed was much to occupied trying to answer Mr. Weasley's questions about the muggle world—a world Ed knew nothing about.

"Ed, I really must know about this thing known as the 'World-Wide Web'. Do muggles use spiders to transmit information?"

"…um…What else would they use spiders for?"

"Fascinating! Just amazing! The ingenuity of muggles. They've discovered a way to use spiders that even wizards haven't!"

"Um…yeah. You know, it's all part of the…um…Web. Yeah."

"So how do you make the spiders do it?"

"…um…well…you….uh…bribe them. With…um…er…flies...um…dipped in honey."

Mr. Weasley shook his head in fascinated disbelief. "Amazing, really, what those muggles can do." He took a bit of his toast.

Ed hoped he wouldn't ask anymore questions. He didn't even know what a world-wide web was. Kind of sounded like the spiders were taking over the earth. He shoveled a large bite of eggs into his mouth and swallowed. He was about to take another bite when he realized the table was deathly quiet except for Luna humming tunelessly to herself. Ed tensed and looked up. He came face to face with the tip of a wand. Ed's eyes traveled up the stick to meet the angry green eyes of Harry Potter.

"You're not a muggle." It was not a question. The rest of the family stared, shocked at Harry's rudeness to the guest.

"Harry!" said the red-headed girl, Ginny. "What are you doing?"

"Really Harry, put the wand down. Do you have any proof?" Hermione's voice rang clear.

"He doesn't know what the internet is, Hermione."

She looked shocked. It was her turn to look at Ed with suspicion. "…oh."

Ed looked from one to the other and knew, for the first time since he had gotten to this strange world, that he had messed up. Hugely.

Evidently muggles didn't use spiders in the World Wide Web.

Luna finally stopped humming, and seemed to just realize Ed's dire situation. "Oh, come now, Harry. How do you know his brain wasn't just fried by an Arckloth and he forgot? After all, everyone knows that they target people who wear red and have blonde hair."

Harry didn't even glance in her direction. As he addressed Ed, his friends got up and stood behind him, all fingering the tips of their wands. "Listen, Ed—if that's really your name. The only people I know of that would have a reason to lie about their origins and impose themselves on a bunch of trusting wizards should be locked away in Azkaban. Now you're going to tell the truth about who you are and where you're from or else you won't like the consequences. Do you understand?"

Ed swallowed. He never thought he would be afraid of a stick, but when it's attached to the hand of a very angry wizard it warrants a little more respect. Ed didn't know what to do. Luna decided for him.

"His name is Edward Elric. He's a State Alchemist from Amestris known as the Fullmetal Alchemist. He landed in Mum's cemetery and I found him and brought him home," said Luna. Ed's heart fell faster than he would have ever thought possible. He should never have trusted her! How could he have been so stupid to trust a girl he barely even knew!

"Luna, shut up," said Ron Weasley. Ed looked at him incredulously. Ron continued, "We've all heard your stupid stories about alternate universes and magical creatures that don't really exist, and I'm fed up. There is no place called Amestris, and this guy's name probably isn't even Edward, so just shut up."

Luna's big eyes welled up with tears, but when Ed caught her eye he saw a laughing twinkle. Of course! She knew no one believed her stories, so she could tell the truth—the unbelievable truth—and no one would believe it! Ed felt bad for doubting her and reached to his side to take her hand.

Unfortunately, Harry didn't like the sudden movement, and Ed found his hand on the receiving end of a rather potent curse which had the unpleasant effect of knocking all the powder off his hand. His _metal_ hand.

The Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione stared at the hand in shock.

"Harry…" whispered Ron.

Harry raised his wand back to point at Ed's forehead. Ed noticed the tip shook a little. "There's only one person I have ever met with a silver hand," said Harry, "and he received that from Lord Voldemort after helping him rise from the dead." He gripped his sand harder. "Now answer me! Who are you and where did you get that hand?!"

Ed knew he was in trouble. In trouble was actually an understatement. He would be in less trouble if he had just waltzed into a Homunculi tea party. Only Ed would know what to do in that situation. Here he was frozen by indecision. Plus he didn't dare reach into his pocket to get more powder, so Alchemy wasn't really an option.

Again, Luna acted before he could.

The spell activated before he could even think, forming a large shield in front of the two of them. Ed watched the shocked faces of those in the kitchen as Luna grabbed his hand and started to run. Luna dragged him out of the kitchen.

"Hurry, that spell won't hold forever! Harry and Hermione are better at doing them than I am, anyway, so they'll be here in a few seconds!" Ed picked up his feet and started to run. They made it to the front door and crashed through it, straight into—and over—a few men wearing blue robes.

"I say, watch it!" said one. He did a double take on Ed's clothing. "Wait, you can't be the muggle boy--!"

"Duck!" cried Luna, and she dragged Ed into a crouching run as the man shot a curse over their heads. They continued running.

"Who were those people!?" Ed breathed heavily.

"Ministry workers!" Luna gasped. She and Ed kept running toward the marsh as the men struggled to their feet. Ed could here their confused voices behind them, as well as the voices of Harry and his friends as they passed. Cries of 'Stop them!' and 'Don't let them get away!' reached Ed's ears and he ran faster as he shoved his hand into his pocket again. Luna glanced back. She pulled Ed closer to her and kept running.

"They're going to send a curse at us," she yelled into his ear. "You keep running and I'll stop and try to buy us some time!"

"What are you going to do?!"

"I'll try that shield spell again!"

Ed shook his head hard. "The only reason that worked the first time was because they weren't expecting it. But they still got past it in a few seconds! Don't you have anything stronger?!"

Luna looked worried and ran a bit faster. "…no, I don't think--!"

"Let me do alchemy!" Ed interrupted. "They won't be expecting that. You keep running!"

"No! I'm not going to leave the person I'm trying to protect!"

They had to do something, and fast. The others were gaining on them. Ed made a fast decision. "We'll do it together! I'll make a shield with alchemy and you make one with magic! Then we'll keep running! Together!"

Luna's big eyes widened. She nodded and tightened her grip on her wand.

"On the count of three!" Ed cried. "One, two, THREE!"

It seemed as if they moved in slow motion. Ed clapped. Luna raised her wand. They both planted their feet, halted, and turned to face the oncoming wizards. Ed pounded his hands to the ground and a wall of dirt and rock formed just as Luna yelled "_Protego!_"

Ed had just enough time to think that this may not have been such a good idea before the ground exploded.

* * *

Well, there's Chapter 6. Yippee! I'm not really liking the flow of the story at the moment, but I'm really excited to get more into action-y scenes and move the plot along. Six chapters and I still haven't really gotten anywhere...

Oh well! I'm enjoying myself and that's all that really matters.

Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed! I always get really excited whenever I open my email and see one. It makes my day!

Okay, I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that my sister's wedding was spifftacular and now that she's gone I have my own room again! The bad news is that after she comes back from her honeymoon and gets all her stuff, I will no longer have a computer that doesn't edit out words it finds 'bad'. Watch out for that word 'red-head', guys. It'll getcha.

...

Anyway, so unless I find a way to get past the server or get my parents to take the filter off for a few minutes, I won't be able to update in a timely manner. I know, I know...college kids should get their own computers and stop living with their parents. But hey, I'm cheap and I'd rather be inconvenienced than spend money. And my university rents desktops for very little. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I'm just apologizing now if I don't update regularly. I'll still keep writing, though, and try to update as soon as I can!

I may actually be making a bigger deal out of this than it actually is. My parents are generally understanding about computer things and they can take the filter off fairly easily. Yeah, I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill.

Well, cliche phrases aside, thanks so much for reading another chapter of my story! I'm thinking about changing the title, but I'm not sure what yet. I've thought of a few options, but I'm not sure. Whatever.

Thanks again to reviewers!

churu


	7. Pyvrolars

Chapter 7--Pyvrolars

Chapter 7--Pyvrolars

Ed fell to the ground and felt Luna hit the dirt beside him. He closed his eyes as a strong wind bombarded them with gravel. It passed quickly, leaving the two covered with a thin layer of fine dust and chickenfeed. Ed wiped his eyes on his sleeve and timidly opened his eyes. He had to blink a few times to clear the dust from his eyes, and then a few more to help him believe what he was seeing.

The wall of dirt and rock that Ed had made through alchemy seemed to have combined with Luna's shielding spell. The rocks of his wall were each now surrounded by a few lines of dust something akin to transmutation circles. Between them and the other rocks were even spaces, leaving about a half foot apart around each. The spaces between the rocks crackled with blue lightning, and the rocks themselves glowed an eerie green. The lightning crackled, occasionally revealing the astonished faces of their pursuers.

"It seems," said Luna in a voice akin to one who has just seen nothing more than a fluffy cloud, "that your alchemy can combine with my wizardry to produce extraordinary effects."

"So it seems," said Ed, echoing her nonchalant manner.

Luna stared at the wall a little longer. "Well, we don't know how long that will hold, so let's go."

"Luna, we just made something that _I've _never seen, _you've_ never seen, and you just want to walk away?!" Ed was flabbergasted. The first thing he wanted to do was try and see if they could do it again, and then see if they could do something else, and then attempt to find the logic in combining magic and alchemy and then see how exactly they needed to time things in order to get the most efficient combining and discover if there was a way he could put them both together in a transmutation circle and—

"We need to go." Luna interrupted his train of thought.

Ed looked where she was looking and saw that their pursuers were not quite as interested in studying the alchemic/magic wall. Once they had gotten over the initial shock, they seemed quite keen on getting through. He turned back to Luna and shoved thoughts of research back to the corners of this mind.

"What's with them, anyway? Why are you guys so suspicious of muggles?"

Luna sighed and tugged Ed to his feet. "It's not that we're suspicious of muggles. It's actually muggles that we're least suspicious of. It's strange people—strange _magical_ people that make us a little wary. The wizarding world just went through a terrible war, and a lot a people were killed by a very bad wizard. Now we need to make sure that no supporters of Him are left. Harry's a little uptight because he just went through a terrible ordeal. He had to go through the brunt of it because he's the only one that could kill You-Know-Who."

"Oh. You know, Amestris is in a war, too."

"I figured that. Mum said they were always fighting with someone about something—usually something ridiculous. Muggles are like that, I suppose. Come on, I'd like to get farther into the marsh." She and Ed walked toward the place she had just mentioned.

"Where are we going?"

"Mum's lab, of course."

"Why there?"

"Well, because that's where we'll find clues, of course."

"Clues for what?"

"For sending you home to Amestris, naturally. Watch out," said Luna as a tree lifted it's roots and plunged Ed face first into a mud hole.

Ed muttered to himself about the timeliness of warnings and annoyance of trees that could think for themselves as he struggled to get back to his feet. Luna held out her hand and helped him to his feet. "Let's go, Fullmetal. We've got a country to get you back to." She kept a hold of his hand and they calmly walked farther into the marsh.

"Um, Luna?" Ed said when they had walked a little ways.

"What?"

"I think we're going to need to share a boot again."

* * *

A twig snapped, and Ed whirled around to check behind himself for the hundredth time. Despite Luna's assurances that the others couldn't just apparate anywhere in the marsh and that they had a little extra time, Ed was still apprehensive. He trusted Luna, but he didn't like the feeling of not knowing exactly what he was up against. Ed was exceedingly relieved when they finally made it to the clearing and hopped down the stump into Luna's mother's laboratory. It looked pretty much the same as they had left it, complete with pillar jutting up out of the ceiling. Ed debated fixing it and removing the pillar, but under further consideration he remembered that the pillar could be seen from the Weasley's kitchen window and that if the pillar suddenly disappeared, their exact location could be discovered, and thus apparated to.

Or at least that's what Luna said.

Then began a small debate about Luna's intelligence compared with Ed's, in which Ed got confused by they word 'Ravenclaw'—"What does being part of a bird's foot have to do with anything?!"—which led to a discussion about Hogwarts, in which Ed got more confused, which led to a discussion about the existence of Briyal Mortenches, in which Ed got even more confused.

"They attach behind the ears of muggle tourists traveling in Hawaii and make them think that their clothing is actually fashionable." Luna shook her head sadly. "Tragic, don't you think?"

Ed didn't know what to say to that since he didn't know where Hawaii was and what muggle tourists looked like (he was also a little frightened as to where the conversation might go next), so he decided to change the topic back to one that in all actuality really needed to be discussed.

"Luna, what does this have to do with getting me back to Amestris and keeping those other wizards from finding us?"

Luna blinked slowly. "Nothing, really."

Ed was really getting antsy that _maybe_ they should get back to discussing more important things. "So, how are we going to do it?"

Luna gave a secretive smile and began to pick her way through a pile of broken bottles and various bits of things that looked a little dangerous. A large door stood at the end of the lab. She put her wand in her pocket and placed her hand on the second nail from the left. As soon as she did so, a large flaming bird burst from the ceiling and hung over Luna's head. Ed yelped and leaped over the pile, almost tripping over his own feet. The glowing bird glared at him.

"_Who dares disturb me?_" thundered the bird.

"Luna and her friend, Ed." Luna looked calm, as though this sort of thing happened everyday. The bird looked from Luna to Ed, and then started to shrink, gradually changing from red to deep green. When the bird was small enough to fit in the palm of Luna's small hand the forest green flames vanished, leaving a miniscule, rather unimpressive-looking black bird with a red stripe on its forehead.

"Luna darling! It's so nice to see you again. You haven't been here in _ages_. I've missed you! You've grown up so quickly! Who's your friend?" The black bird spoke quickly with a slight accent that Ed couldn't identify. Of course, he wasn't surprised. The bird jumped up and down on Luna's hand as it spoke.

"This is Ed," said Luna. "Ed, this is my mother's Pyvrolar and lab technician. Her name is Rosa."

Rosa held out a wing, and it took Ed a moment to figure out he was supposed to shake the tiny wing. The black bird clacked her beak in a smile and hopped onto his arm and up to his shoulder.

"You'd better take good care of Luna, boy," she hissed in his ear. Her tone of voice had completely changed, and Ed could almost hear the flames dripping from her tongue into his ear. He was about to respond, but Rosa had already returned to Luna's shoulder. The three of them went into the Luna's mother's office. Ed looked around and breathed in deeply the smell of books. He hadn't realized how much he had missed it. Every wall in the office was covered in bookshelves bursting with books, scraps of paper, and, Ed noticed as he looked closer, a few plates with bits of fossilized zucchini.

"Rosa, we need a lab notebook of mum's."

"Of course dear, anything you need. What information exactly are you looking for?"

Luna hesitated and glanced at Ed. He tried to arrange his facial expression to give the most support possible. Whatever Luna saw must have convinced her, because she squared her shoulders and said with as much authority as she could muster, "We need to get to Amestris."

Rosa blinked her black eyes a few times, raised her wings, fluttered so she was hovering in front of the two friends, and blew up.

"_How DARE you even THINK of trying to get to that AWEFUL place!_" the giant flame-bird shrieked as each word brought a new torrent of sparks raining down on Ed and Luna. "_That place KILLED your MOTHER! What on earth are you THINKING trying to get there?!_" Rosa grew larger and larger, until the tips of her wings were just inches from the bookshelves on each side of the room.

"Rosa, please! Mum would have--!"

"—_shut you in your room for EONS for even THINKING about it!_"

"But I need it for Ed because—!"

Rosa rounded on Ed with an even bigger spray of sparks. "_So YOU'RE the reason behind this! I should have KNOWN! Probably just USING Luna to get what you want! Trying to steal YEARS of research for WHO KNOWS what sort of scheme!_"

"I'm not trying to steal anything!"

"_A likely story! Who are you working for!? The Droulins? The Yarays? If you even think that for a MOMENT I'm going to--_"

"NO!" roared Ed as loud as he could. Rosa bulged at the interruption, but Ed didn't allow her to get a word in. "I'M FROM AMESTRIS! I WANT TO GO _HOME_!!" He stopped, panting. The heat from Rosa's sparks was really getting to him.

"You're from Amestris?"

Ed nodded. "I need to get back, and this is the only lead I've got. Please. I won't steal anything." Luna nodded as well, her facial expression pleading.

"You should have just said that in the first place. Goodness me, boy. There was no need to shout."

Ed looked up and saw that Rosa had reverted back to her less dangerous form. She was fluttering among different lab notebooks, pulling them out of the bookshelves and making a neat pile on the floor. He stepped carefully over to Luna, who was currently examining a thumbnail.

"Why did your mother _keep_ one of these Pyro--?!"

"Pyvrolars." corrected Luna. "They're almost as good as phoenixes at protecting things, they're fiercely loyal, and they bake the most delicious butter tarts. Pity most people don't believe they exist. They're really very wonderful." She paused and inclined her face toward Ed. "But they do have nasty tempers."

"Really? I would never have guessed. Ouch!"

Rosa had obviously overheard Ed's last comment and didn't appreciate it. She had nipped him on the ear. "I've finished collecting the most current data. There's a lot of it, so you may want to move to the other room to be able to spread out.

Ed glanced over at the pile of data, and then had to look again. There was a pile as tall and a half again as he was.

"Oh, boy." He sighed. "Well, we'd better get started moving them."

* * *

Ed sat sullenly in the laboratory. Luna and Rosa were having a good chuckle in the office. When Ed had tried to reach up to the top of the pile to get the books, he hadn't been able to reach. As if throwing his height in his face hadn't been enough, they had even been laughing at his _method_ of moving the books. And then when he had told them if they were going to laugh, Luna had just wiped a few tears from her eyes, pulled out her wand, muttered "_Locomoter books,_" and they had all just gone and set themselves on the lab benches.

Ed had then decided to sullenly march out of the room, sullenly grab the top notebook, pull a stool sullenly to a clean table, slap the book sullenly down on the table, and sullenly open the cover to begin reading as he sullenly listened to Luna's repeated peal of laughter. It was really quite hard to stay sullen, however, when he realized that Luna's mother's information was good. Really, really good. She thought of things from a magical perspective, which Ed had never even considered before. He soon became absorbed in his reading, and almost didn't even notice when Luna came and sat beside him. He did notice, however, when his stomach began growling ferociously.

Luna grinned. "Come on, Ed. I think the butter tarts are done."

He followed her into a side room equipped with a kitchen, where Rosa was in her flame form juggling six rather substantial tart dishes expertly.

They were delicious.

* * *

Yay for chapter seven! I'm sorry I didn't get this up for a while, but hey. At least it's more often than some people update. I really enjoyed writing this chapter for some reason. I don't know, maybe it's because I finally added a character that doesn't have to obey a different person's view of everything. Rosa's mine and mine alone. That's kind of a nice feeling.

Or maybe it was the butter tarts.

I've never actually had a butter tart that I know of. I was just listening to a song and they mentioned butter tarts and I really needed to add it in my story somewhere. Does anybody know if they're any good? It'd suck if they weren't. Though I suppose it really depends on the person. I know someone who's really picky, so she probably wouldn't like them. I'm not picky--I'll eat anything except...um...taco caserol (yuk)--so I might like them.

If you look 'random' up in the dictionary it has my name under it.

Anyway, thanks for reading another chapter! I hope you all look forward to the next one, which shall continue with the many adventures of Ed and Luna!

churu

PS. Seriously, guys, I need help thinking up a title for this thing. I suck at that. Thus 'A Picnic'. Sucks, right?

PPS. I just finished reading the book _The Redemption of Althalus._ Read it. It's sooooooooooo good. And flippin' hilarious.


	8. Spectrespecs

Chapter 8--Spectrespecs

"Mum told me once that fried Gurdyroot is one of the ingredients in the most powerful love potions in the world," said Luna matter-of-factly as she placed another spoonful of Gurdyroot soup in her mouth.

Ed choked on his own soup and looked at his bowl apprehensively. "Um, Luna, didn't Rosa fry these before she added the broth?"

"Oh, yes. I suppose so."

Ed looked at her, wondering why she could be so calm. "Luna, then aren't these going to…I mean…we're not going to…um…"

Luna's spoon paused on the way to her mouth. "Don't worry Ed," she said, reaching over to pat his hand. "Adding beef stock counteracts the effects."

Still not entirely convinced of the safeness of his soup, Ed grabbed a roll.

"Sho haf oo foud adyshin?"

Luna shook her head and kept spooning Gurdyroot soup into her mouth. "No, I haven't found anything recently. There are a few ideas that keep popping up, but nothing really on exactly how to _get_ to Amestris."

Ed sighed and absently pushed his bangs out of his eyes. Leaning back on his chair, he stretched his powder-coated hands to the ceiling and sighed again. He and Luna had been holed up in the lab since the day before, gradually making their way through the massive pile of books Rosa kept bringing for them. Ed was getting a little frustrated. He was used to ing alchemic codes, so he thought the notebooks would be no problem, but Luna's mother didn't use codes. She used wizard words like 'Treachation' and 'pre-extended Portkey' and things that Luna seemed to understand but he didn't. It irked him greatly.

The two finished their lunch and each grabbed a new book. There was a moment of silence in which each tried to absorb what they were reading. Ed glanced over at Luna, looked back at his book again, and then decided to chance a potentially stupid question.

"Um…Luna? Mine's blank."

"Mine too."

"Is that normal?"

"Probably."

Ed poked at the page with a powdery finger. "Is it hidden by wizardry?"

"Now that's an idea!" Luna smiled at him. She pulled out her wand and started muttering incantations and prodding at the pages of her mother's journal. The only effect was a slight sulfuric odor and the cover of the journal turning fluorescent orange.

Ed waved his hand in front of his nose and pushed himself away from the lab bench. "I'm going to go see if Rosa knows anything about the blank books."

Luna nodded absently; the lab book was floating in a lightning bubble over her head.

Rosa was found in the kitchen cleaning up the remains of their lunch. She seemed puzzled by their dilemma. Luna's mother had written in the notebooks, she was certain. She accompanied Ed to the lab, where Luna was still trying wizardry to see the pages. The book looked a little worse for wear.

Rosa fluttered around it, turning pages with great care. Finally she sighed and turned to Luna. "I really don't know if I can help you. I'm absolutely your mother wrote in this book, but I don't know how she might have hidden the words, unless maybe she made it so you needed something specific in order to see them, something besides wizardry…" Rosa paused, and Luna gasped, and twin looks of comprehension crossed both their faces.

"Spectrespecs!" they shouted together.

"What?" said Ed.

"I can't believe I didn't think of that!" said Luna as she scrambled for the door to the office. She came out again clutching two flamboyant copies of a magazine entitled _The Quibbler_. Luna scurried to the lab bench and started flipping through pages until she came to a cardboard page with a pop-out set of the most bizarre glasses Ed had ever seen. They were huge, with multi-colored spiral lenses and fluffy feathers for decorations. Luna handed Ed a pair and tore another pair out from the other copy. Rosa fluttered out with her own miniature pair, and Ed watched as they both settled down to read. Thinking that this was the most ridiculous thing he had ever done, Ed slapped his Spectrespecs on, paused to take in the now brilliantly multi-colored lab, and pulled the journal toward him.

"Oh, wow!" Ed exclaimed, but quickly fell silent after a dirty look from Rosa. He murmured something apologetic and took a better look at the lab notebook in his hands. The pages, formerly blank, were covered with writing. Smiling at the oddness of wizardry and the Lovegoods in general, Ed started to read.

Unfortunately, the Spectrespecs did nothing to help any of them decipher what exactly Luna's mother was trying to say. Instead of getting clearer, her writing was getting more and more difficult to understand. Her shorthand consisted of abbreviations—most of which neither he nor Luna knew. Rosa wasn't really any help, either. For being a lab technician, she had unfortunately spent a lot of her time in the kitchen making butter tarts and other various tasty treats.

"Luna, I've been trying to get through some of the later notebooks, and the letters 'CHS' keep popping up."

Luna frowned. "Show me," she said, pushing her soup away and reaching for the book Ed was reading.

Ed pushed it her direction. "See? In the later journals the initials 'CHS' keep popping up. I think it's important. Look. Here it says _'CHS may know more about inter-world travel.' _And then '_CHS can punch through world barriers?'_ And then the last one: '_NEED TO FIND CHS!!' _It seems like your mother was trying to find this 'CHS', whoever he—or she—is, and that they have more information than even she has here."

Luna pulled his notebook closer and skimmed through the parts he had been looking at and then a few more. "Hmmm…page seventy-one has jelly stains on it."

"Luna!"

She smiled vaguely and hummed tunelessly for a little while. "You're right. In one of mine she mentioned him as well, and it seemed like she really wanted to find him. I think we should look through more of her later books and see if she ever found him."

Luna gave him back his book, and pulled another one off of the stack. They quickly skimmed through the last ten notebooks, noting each time CHS was mentioned. It got more and more frequent as the books got later and later, but even in the final one the last note about CHS was an even more urgent scribble about the importance of finding him. Ed and Luna then spent an hour trying to guess what it stood for, and see if Luna recognized any of the names they came up with.

"Do you think we really need to find him?" asked Luna after Ed had given his next guess, Charles Humperdink Shultz. "I mean, if my mum was able to punch through with just this"—she waved a notebook—"then do we really need to know what he has to say? It seems to me that she got pretty far on her own."

"Well," Ed responded, "from what I'm gathering your mother only had partial information. She had enough to get through the Gate on _this_ side, but she couldn't open the one that goes to Amestris. That's what the black arms that you saw meant. I think this 'CHS' guy probably knows how to punch through both Gates, and that's why she wanted to find him."

"Oh," said Luna. Then she shrugged, smoothed out another piece of parchment, and started writing names with the initials CHS.

* * *

"That's a stupid name."

"Clink Harthromb Skeenk is not a stupid name!"

"Clink? Luna, who on earth would have the name 'Clink'?"

"CHS, maybe!"

"Luna, be reasonable. Skeenk?"

"Ed, you know close to nothing about my world. How do you know it's not a common name here?"

"…"

"Exactly."

"Shut up, Luna."

"_How DARE you tell her to shut up, you HORRIBLE __**LITTLE**__ boy!"_

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT?!"

* * *

"You ready for a break?"

Luna made a noncommittal noise and turned another page. Ed sighed and removed his Spectrespecs. There was a handy string that came in _The Quibbler_ so he could just hang them around his neck. It took a moment for his eyes to get used to the drabness of the lab after the bright colors from his glasses. Standing up and stretching, Ed decided to go take a look at some of the other rooms in the lab. First verifying with Rosa that it was alright (it was, though the second door on the right sneezed when it was opened), Ed set off down a long corridor. He was reminded of a very similar hall in the Lovegood's house, where he had first discovered magic. Grimacing at the memory, Ed opened the first door.

It was a baby's room. A small white crib with silver coverings was in a corner next to a rocking chair on which hung a clean spit cloth. The chair jerked spastically, as though an invisible hand was trying to rock it but couldn't find the energy.

"The spell is wearing off," said Luna softly. Ed glanced back at her. The baby room had huge murals of Mr. and, Ed assumed, Mrs. Lovegood. They seemed to be alive, though they didn't move. There was a magical quality about them.

The next was a play room, neatly cleaned and organized with all sorts of toys that Ed had never seen before. The murals in this room were of tropical places with bizarre creatures poking their heads around huge trees.

"Luna, were these all for you?"

Luna was prodding a tiny broomstick with her foot. "All what?"

"All the rooms."

"Oh. Yes. We used to live here, you know. Mum would get ideas during the night and have to run out to the lab to write them down, so we couldn't live too far away." Luna left the broom alone and turned her attention to a little box in the corner. "I wonder what this does."

_Squirk._

"Luna, do you think you could give me a little warning before you decide to poke something that squirts pink and green ink all over me?"

Luna shrieked with laughter, so much so that even Ed had to join in. He liked laughing with Luna, he decided. It kind of reminded him of laughing with Al, before—

Well, before their mother had died.

Ed sighed and rubbed his Spectrespecs on his shirt as Luna's wand siphoned away the rest of the ink. He was peering through them to make sure the ink was gone when something flickered at the corner of his eye. Ed froze, lowered his glasses, and took a closer look. There was nothing. Thinking he must have imagined it, Ed continued cleaning his Spectrespecs.

There it was again!

Ed whirled around, and Luna copied him.

"Did you see it?" Ed whispered.

Luna peered at him curiously. "See what? I thought we were keeping Wrackspurts from getting into our ears. I thought I heard one. It confuses them to have two people doing the exact same thing."

Ed was about to reply with another inquiry about what a Wrackspurt did when he saw something again, and quickly turned to face the other direction.

It was as Luna turned as well, with her Spectrespecs bouncing against her chest, that Ed realized what he had seen. He gasped, which Luna copied. Ed slowly placed his Spectrespecs on the end of his nose, which Luna did just after him.

"Oh my goodness," said Ed.

"Oh my goodness," said Luna.

Covering every surface of the wall was handwriting that Ed recognized from the journals. He even could recognize a few rudimentary transmutation circles.

"Luna, I think sometimes your mother couldn't wait until she got to the lab."

"You know, Ed, I think I agree." Luna gazed at the notes covering ever surface.

Sudden inspiration struck him, and Ed turned to face her. "Luna, which room were you in when your mother died?"

Comprehension dawned on Luna's face, the same expression as when she had realized they needed Spectrespecs. "Down this way!"

Ed followed Luna as she raced down the hall, past three other doors, pulled open the door, and into a room with large murals of four different animals—normal ones this time. But neither Ed nor Luna noticed the snake, badger, eagle, and lion. Their eyes were trained on something only they could see. Spectrespecs perched firmly on their noses, they read the large words scribbled on the farthest wall, right under the eagle's half-unfurled wing.

_CHS—in Sweden?_

* * *

Well, there you have it, folks! Chapter 8! Luna's being a little dense right now, as many of the more...shall we say...intuitive readers may guess, but that's just part of her charm, I guess. So Ed and Luna are going to Sweden! Woohoo! I've never been there. I hear it's quite pretty, though. Or is that Switzerland? Whichever, I'm sure they'll have a grand old time!

...if they actually get there, of course. Who knows? I do, but I'll never tell...Mwahahahaaaa...

Thanks for all the title ideas, everyone. I appreciate them all--keep 'em comin'!

A little story that isn't very interesting but may make the other FF writers nod, grimace, and pull their hair out: I've been reading the last few HP books lately, trying to get a little more info about Luna and stuff, and of course I read a few of my more favorite parts as well...(U-No-Poo, anyone?) Thinking I was going to reel out a wonderful, masterfully-written chapter, I started chapter 8. So imagine my shock and horror when I re-read the first two pages and realized that _Luna was turning into **Hermione**_!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! So, I quickly deleted (actually, cut and paste) the two atrocities and started afresh. Again. And again. And again. Argh! Stupid Hermione! Not that I don't like her. It's just I wish she would stay out of my writing! Luna is _**not**_ Hermione. Yes. I suppose the only good thing I got out of starting this chapter three times over was an idea for a short story staring Colonel Mustang that I may have to play with later. I don't think I'm talented enough to write two stories at a time.

Please and thank you for reviews, and may all your dreams come true--except **that** one. You know the one I'm talking about.

Ciao!

churu


	9. The Effect of Tweedlicks

Chapter 9—The Effect of Tweedlicks

"Okay…Gurdyroot...blankets…tent…tent poles…Polkinsty…two brooms… Spectrespecs …" Ed watched, fascinated, as Luna shoved what seemed to be the entire contents of the lab into the various pockets of a patchy sack. He couldn't believe everything could actually fit in there! Luna seemed to realize he was watching her and her hand paused over a few moth-eaten pillows. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she giggled.

"I've always wanted to be able to do that!" Ed laughed and raised the other one, after which Luna let loose with her signature laugh, forgot she was balanced precariously on a stool, and did a face plant into the pillows. She resurfaced, spitting stuffing out of her mouth and laughing even harder. Her long hair was covering her face and she pushed it firmly out of her eyes.

Ed grinned. "How do you get everything to fit in that bag?"

"Hermione taught me how to do a spell that makes packs and things able to hold a lot more than they actually can," explained Luna. "See? I even did it to your pants pockets so you can carry a whole bunch of the silver powder. You should never run out." She surveyed the eclectic pile surrounding her and then glanced up at Ed again. "Is there anything you think we're missing that we're going to need?"

Ed pondered theatrically for a moment, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "How about the kitchen sink?"

"Oh, but we've already got one of those," said Luna seriously. "Do you think we'll need another one?"

Ed didn't comment but merely brought a hand to his forehead. _I should have known_, he thought dryly.

Rosa fluttered into the lab from the kitchen carrying a large black box with silver symbols on the sides. "Luna, dear, here's the Locatorator. Is there anything else you need?"

Luna merely shook her head, but Ed's interest had been sparked. "Locatorator? What does that do?"

Luna smiled at him as she shoved her arm all the way in to a tiny pocket. "Oh, it's one of my mother's inventions. When she was researching Amestris she had to go all over the world and it got very tiring trying to find food all the time. And Rosa was here in the lab with full access to the kitchen, so they invented this box to transfer food from a similar box in the kitchen to this box, no matter where or when it is. It's very handy, and keeps food the proper temperature."

"That's amazing," said Ed, remembering all the times he had gone hungry on the road in Amestris. He was really starting to appreciate this whole magic thing.

"Of course it is," said Rosa. "_I _helped invent it."

Ed rolled his eyes and turned back to the pile of lab notebooks he was going through, trying to decide which ones they needed to take with them to this 'Sweden' place. His Spectrespecs, attached to a thin chain, had become a permanent fixture around his neck. Luna had added a necklace of moldy-smelling corks that she said would keep his luck 'fizzy.' Ed wasn't sure what that meant, but he was willing to bet that it had something to do with magic, and Ed was willing to trust Luna. Even if he did look a little eccentric while doing it.

No secrets were hidden in the book he was holding, so he put it in the rather substantial 'Not necessary to this trip but may come in useful to Luna after she gets that awful boy back to whatever God-forsaken place he came from' box.

No prizes for guessing who gave the boxes their names.

"Luna, dear," said Rosa, "Do you think you should bring a brick of Honeyduke's?"

Ed glanced up at this newest phraseology, and watched as Luna chewed her thumbnail. "Do you think we'll need some?"

"Well, Luna darling, the Department of Magical Malfunctions hasn't been able to round up all the rogue Dementors, and there's talk of them gathering together just west of London. You may encounter a few, and I'd like you to be prepared."

"Oh, but Harry taught me to do a Patronus, and I've been practicing!"

"Yes, dear, but what about after you chase them away? Don't you think you'll need a little pick-me-up?"

Luna agreed, and Rosa fluttered off to find a brick of Honeyduke's—whatever that was.

After a few moments of silence, Ed's curious nature overcame him and he had to ask.

"Luna, what the heck were you two just talking about?"

Luna looked up at him. "Would you like the long version or the short one?" she asked slowly in a voice that seemed dreamier than usual.

Ed paused. He was fairly certain he wanted to know the whole long version, but wasn't sure he could sit through an entire story. Impatience won. "The short."

"Okay," said Luna briskly, all dreaminess gone. "Honeyduke's makes chocolate, which makes people feel better after they've encountered Dementors, which are soul-sucking-happiness-eating monsters that recently got out of control from the Ministry of Magic, so the Department of Magical Malfunctions has been chasing them back under control with the use of Patronuses, which are wizard-produced forms of their happiest thoughts." She took a deep breath. "Understand?"

Ed sat with his mouth slightly agape. "Uh, what are Dementors again?"

Luna shivered. "They're awful. They suck all the happiness out of people."

"You said something about souls?"

Luna glanced away briefly. "The Dementor's most horrible weapon is their Kiss. It's when they suck out your soul."

"Can you get it back?"

Luna's big eyes were the most serious Ed had ever seen. "No."

Ed shuddered, thinking of his little brother and the price he had paid to get Al's soul back. "That's horrible."

Luna nodded. "That's why we like them to be under ministry control. They used to guard our prisons, but they went away to serve another master."

"Is this master still…?"

"No, Harry killed him."

"That black-haired boy with the glasses that knew I wasn't a muggle?" Luna nodded. "No wonder he was so suspicious."

Luna nodded again and she and Ed both got lost in thought. There was a thump, and Rosa returned, flying low and toting a massive hunk of chocolate that she placed with relief in Luna's waiting hands.

Ed returned to reading, and Luna took up her pocketed pack again.

A while had passed before Ed sighed and tossed away another notebook. It seemed that only the last twenty or so were the ones that contained hidden messages. The rest, though interesting, didn't contain the mysterious letters 'CHS.' He was also a little disappointed that there was no further mention of the place known as 'Sweden.' Luna seemed to know where it was, but Ed had never even heard of the place. Luna hadn't had time to answer all of his important questions like, "Are the people at war?" "What kind of powers do they have?" and "What's the food like?"

Thinking of food reminded Ed of food, which reminded his stomach that he was hungry. He was just about to say something about eating when Rosa called them into the kitchen for lunch.

_You know_, thought Ed to himself as he seated himself in front of the table, _I could definitely get used to this_. There were three kinds of chicken, rice, shepherd's pie, a few things Ed couldn't name, and steak with fried mushrooms piled on top. Bowls of mangos and pineapple dotted the table, and in every free inch there was a different kind of vegetable. For dessert Rosa brought out her famous butter tarts and served them with ice cream and a small lump of lemon sherbet.

Ed was just reaching for his second helping of ice cream when a _click-thud-Oof!_ and a muffled curse were heard from the lab room. Ed's metallic hand froze, still clutching the bright red ice cream scoop. His eyes met Luna's, and simultaneously they slipped from their chairs to peer around the kitchen door.

There was nothing there.

"Hmm," pondered Luna aloud. "Maybe a Tweedlick? They have a great nose for sniffing out people that are hiding and spook them into thinking that--"

"_Luna, be quiet_," Ed hissed. He strained his ears, ignoring Rosa's angry pecking. Nothing seemed to be out of order. The dishes behind him were clinking softly, scrubbing away the remnants of lunch. Some 'poly juice' bubbled sinisterly in a corner of the lab over a green fire. Nothing else made a noise.

Ed turned to Luna, who was watching him in awe. He raised an eyebrow at her, and her shoulders shook in silent laughter. It made Ed feel better just to see her so calm.

"Luna, let's go out and check behind a few of the lab benches." Luna nodded and started to crawl out of the kitchen. Ed quickly grabbed her elbow. "Not yet!" he whispered hastily. "You grab your pack and dump in that pile of notebooks. Then meet me at the left corner of that first lab bench and we'll check together. If I yell 'Sweden', then it's that shield spell on three, run to the lab door, and into the marsh, got it?"

Luna smiled and hit the side of her nose with her thumb. "And if I do _that_, it means shield spell on two, shoot through the ceiling, into the marsh, and circle around back to the base of the pillar, where Rosa will have planted brooms so we can escape into the sky!"

"Uh… sure."

"Oh, I do love making plans!" exclaimed Luna. Then she turned and crawled toward the 'Absolutely essential for this trip to return the awful LITTLE boy back to his God-forsaken place of residence' box. Ed held his breath.

Nothing happened.

Luna dumped the notebooks into her pack.

Still nothing happened.

Luna crawled to the left corner of the first lab bench and waved at Ed to come out of the kitchen.

And nothing happened.

The thought went through Ed's mind that if there really wasn't someone there, then this would look absolutely ridiculous. Then he crawled out of the kitchen and joined Luna at the left corner of the first lab bench.

It was when he absently noticed that he couldn't see Luna's shirt against the flamboyant coloring of the lab benches that Ed realized his mistake.

"Luna! Do wizards have ways of hiding themselves?!"

Luna looked confused for a moment. "Oh, you mean like Chameleon Spells and Invisibility Cloaks?"

Ed blanched. "Yes," he whispered softly. "Like that." Then he watched as from behind Luna's head a small cloud of silvery powder that seemed to be caught on thin air moved toward them. "Exactly like that."

Luna, who had noticed neither the cloud nor Ed's quickly paling face, continued. "Well, Mad-Eye could do a really good Chameleon, but he's dead. And Professor Dumbledore could make himself invisible, but Harry's the only person I know who owns a Cloak."

Ed grabbed Luna's hand and moved his head quickly toward hers so his lips were an inch from her ear. "Sweden," he whispered, barely moving his lips. He let go of her hand. "One."

Luna surreptitiously pulled her wand from her sleeve and wiped it gently on her pants.

"Two."

The silver powder that Ed could only guess was clinging to an Invisibility Cloak sped up.

Just as Ed opened his mouth to yell 'three' and clapped his hands, Luna's eyes grew wide and she frantically started thumbing her nose.

But Ed's hands had already hit the floor. A large wall of rock broke free from the floor of the lab, scattering notebooks helter-skelter across the floor. One rammed into the hovering powder and ripped a silvery garment off the surprised forms of Harry and Ron. Ed quickly raised his hands and clapped again, just as Luna leaped behind him screaming, "No, Hermione!"

Ed whirled to face a blobular _thing_ rising up from the floor. It took him a moment to realize that he was seeing the lab, but it was distorted through the form of a bushy-haired girl.

_Oh, so THAT's what a Chameleon Spell is_, thought Ed. He gritted his teeth and plunged his hands to the floor.

But his brief pause had cost him. He heard the girl—Hermione—yell, "_Petrificus totalus!_" and his flesh arm froze millimeters away from the floor. Ed watched in horror as the freezing sensation in his arm traveled rapidly throughout his entire body, numbing his nerves so that he couldn't even feel his metallic limbs to move them. With a heavy crash, Ed toppled sideways to the floor.

Luna cried out and brought her wand up. Hermione was too fast for her. She whispered an apology and put the same curse on Luna as well. Luna's eyes grew wider and she too fell to the floor, her elbow just inches away from Ed's nose, hands still clutching her multi-pocketed pack.

Ed could hear rustling behind him. "Well," said a voice that he knew to be Ron's, "not one our smoothest operations, but all in all quite well done, don't you think?"

The boy Harry grunted in what could have been confirmation or disagreement. Ed felt a shoe pressing into his back.

"Look at his coat," Harry said. "Does that look like a snake to you?"

Hermione moved to stand beside him. "I guess if you look at it a certain way…"

"Hey, he's got a watch!" said Ron.

Ed struggled as hard as he could against the curse, but he couldn't move and had to lie helplessly as the red-head dug into his pocket and opened his watch.

"_Remember…_"

The three were silent for a moment, reading.

"October was the month Voldemort killed my parents."

"Yes, Harry, but the numbers don't make any sense. Your parents—and Voldemort—were destroyed on the 31st; the day here is too early."

Ed was mad. There they were, discussing the PRIVATE contents of his PRIVATE property, and here he was, lying on the ground like an imbecile, unable to move, speak, or do alchemy. He seethed and strained his battle-trained muscles as hard as he could again.

One metallic finger twitched.

The three were arguing (Fidelius? What kind of name was that?)—they hadn't noticed. Ed concentrated as hard as he could, and was rewarded with a slight movement from his automail toes. His flesh did nothing, but one working hand was all Ed needed. He waited until he was sure they were all looking at his watch again and then focused all his energy on moving his metal arm.

It shifted!

The trio seemed to notice something so Ed stilled his arm again. They went back to arguing, and Ed would have grinned—if his mouth hadn't been frozen in a rather atrocious grimace.

Ed moved his arm another few inches, and had just reached his non-metal hand when a shoe pressed into his shoulder.

"Uh-uh, I don't think so," said Harry.

Ed grinned.

On the inside, at least. His face was still frozen, of course. But he really wished he could have turned his head to see Harry's face when his metal hand (holding his real one) hit the floor and transmutated a large cage over his three captors. Still with his hands pressed to the floor, Ed shoved his metal leg deep into the lab's floor, giving him a sturdy foundation to create a 'floor wave' that carried him, the still-frozen Luna, and her many-pocketed pack toward the door.

Ed caught Luna's eye; he could tell she was laughing, even if she couldn't move. Ed wished he could laugh, too. Wizards! If they thought they could trap him with a freezing curse, well! That'll teach them to mess with the Fullmetal Alchemist!

The lab floor, still protectively cradling Ed and Luna, surged up through the stairwell and into the afternoon sunlight.

He should have known, Ed thought as a curse hit him directly in the back. These wizards weren't as stupid as he thought they were. Ropes tightened around his body, pulling his hands from the former floor. The wizards had just been in a war, after all. They knew that in order to win they couldn't just make a front and think that was all they needed. Ed saw Luna apprehended out of the corner of his eye and wrenched his leg from the ground to try to kick everything in sight. Oh, yes. These wizards knew they needed back up, guarding possible escape routes. Another rope curse hit him, tying his legs together. Still his metal limbs fought against the binding spells. Yet another curse hit him on the shoulder, glancing slightly off his automail.

Ed could feel the effects of this one immediately. Several four-letter words traveled through Ed's mind as he felt his eyes grow heavy and his body tiring, forcing him to sleep. Ed struggled to keep his eyes open, but his vision blurred, leaving only the dim outline of a balding red-head.

Ed was well and truly caught.

* * *

Well, Chapter 9!! More of the trio, but oh well. This was my longest chapter yet, I think! It's to make up for the last one or two being kind of short.

Okay, so I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, I'm going back to college in a few weeks! The bad news is I didn't keep my GPA high enough (A 3.54 isn't high enough--I need a 3.6. Shoot me now), so I can't keep my scholarship. So what does that mean to you, my daaaaaahling readers? That means that I have to work during college and work harder on my school stuff so I can maybe get a scholarship for next year, which means I may not have time to keep up the updating schedule. But...

I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON THIS STORY!! I'll need something to relax occasionally, and I'm really getting into this. It's so much fun!! I might get one more update in before school starts, but if I don't, well then, don't panic. It will be updated!!

On a different note, I recently read the Maximum Ride series. Awesome books, and flippin' hilarious. Not enough romance, but they were really good. I definitely recommend them to anyone looking for a few good YA novels.

Thank you sooooooo much for all your reviews! I love opening my email and seeing a big long list of stuff from '' It makes me so happy!

Hugs and um...kisses, I guess, if you want them. From Ed. Not that he would give them. Ever. ;)

churu


	10. Ferrous MolkenbloderAgain?

Chapter 10—Ferrous Molkenbloder…Again?

The earth rumbled in protest to the boy that had pushed it, wrenched it out of shape. It shuddered, sending shock waves thousands of miles, shock waves so small they didn't register even on the most sensitive testing equipment. The waves traveled outward from their epicenter, across the marsh, beneath large and small towns, under lakes and rivers and oceans, through rock, around trees, gradually losing force until only the smallest tremors remained.

The earth shuddered for a final time, causing the tiniest of the tiniest of tremors to push past a large cave covered in snow and ice in northern Russia. The occupant roused from his sleep and raised his head, gently licking the air with a forked tongue. He smiled crookedly, revealing fangs as long as a man's arm. He stood, stretching his long body before sauntering to the entrance of the cave. He unfurled his wings with a cry that reverberated across the barren land, a cry that that spoke of anger, of pain, of hunger, of excitement.

The earth shuddered again as the dragon pushed himself into the air to fly away toward a small marsh somewhere in Great Britain. And the earth kept shuddering. For it knew the thing that had just cried was not supposed to be. It was unnatural, a man-made monster immune to the effects of the rogue Dementors that joined it in it's flight. The earth trembled again, and the dragon-shaped monster gloried in bringing fear to those that, unlike himself, had a soul. He cried out again, sending a chill down even his companions' rotting spines.

He was excited.

It had been a long time since the Homunculus had tasted alchemy on the wind.

* * *

"Do you think we explained our case to Luna enough so she'll leave him alone?"

"Harry, we don't _have_ a case."

"Oh, yeah, Hermione. Silver arm and leg, snake on the back of his coat and his watch, with October mentioned inside of it. Definitely not a case."

"Harry, it could just be coincidence, like Luna said."

"I don't know, Hermione. Dad said she _could_ have been Confunded, but it's too hard to tell with Loony."

"Don't call her Loony, Ron!"

"Sorry."

"She certainly didn't want to go home, though. I wasn't expecting her to put up that much of a fight when the Petrifying curse wore off."

"I know what you mean, mate. My left knee still has a bit of a bite to it. Wish the teeth would hurry up and go away."

"That was a really cool curse, though. I wonder where she learned it."

"Probably from her dad, git that he is."

"Ron!"

"Sorry."

"Anyway, Harry, why don't we just let the Ministry deal with this. Mr. Weasley said that delegates from a few different Departments should be coming soon."

"Yeah, that's just what we need. A bunch of big heads strutting around, making pompous assumptions that don't help anything."

"You're only making assumptions as well, Harry."

"Yeah, but mine…"

"Please continue Harry. I'd love to see what you can come up with."

"Well, his aren't pompous."

"But they still aren't helping anything, are they."

"Mmf."

"And Kreacher's still watching for when he wakes up?"

"Kreacher will watch the little boy that serves his master's enemies, oh yes he will."

"Thanks, Kreacher."

"Yes, Master."

"Um, Kreacher?"

"Yes, Mistress Hermione?"

"Why are you out here if you're supposed to be in there watching for him to wake up?"

"Master Ron requested a sandwich, Mistress."

"Ron!"

"Sorry."

* * *

Ed kept his eyes closed. In general, when you are captured it is best to keep ahead of your enemy in some way. Given that he was gagged, his hands were tied so his arms were perpendicular to his body, and his feet had been chained, the only way he could think of to keep ahead was to stay 'asleep'. Ed kept his breathing deep and calm, occasionally twitching a finger or two. The room had a dank, moldy smell that penetrated the blankets on his bed. He smelled old musty wood and a metallic smell that he only assumed came from the chains holding him down.

Ed felt light hitting his face from two directions, which he hoped meant there was a window in his room. Windows always made it easier to escape. Much less messy than, say, knocking down a wall. But walls had their own charm. Most people—especially guards—didn't expect their prisoner to try to run through the wall. Ed heard a noise outside his door, and he listened.

A conversation was taking place outside his room. He recognized Harry's-, Ron's-, and Hermione's voices, but there was a gravelly one that he didn't know. He made out most of the conversation, and almost sighed in relief when he heard that Luna was safe, followed by a brief surge of pride that Luna had fought back.

Okay, so there were some Ministry people coming to see him. And there was something named Creature that they had guarding him. The Creature came back into the room, and Ed judged from his footsteps that he wasn't the biggest being Ed had every fought. But Ed knew better than to judge something by its size. Creature was probably hugely powerful. Ed listened to the thing's wheezy breathing, almost wishing he could open his eyes for a few moments to see what he was up against.

Alright. He couldn't really do anything about that now. What he really needed to be doing was making plans. If they released his arms, then he could use alchemy to escape. What if they didn't release him? He had a few secrets stuffed up his sleeves, compliments of Winry's 'customizing' his automail, but alchemy was so much easier. Whatever. 'Easy' had never been a part of his lifestyle. If an opportunity came, he was taking it.

It was nice that Luna had been released. If he knew her—Ed was guessing that he knew her better than these people did—then she would try to rescue him armed with Gurdyroots and copies of her father's magazine. Luna would probably try to escape in much the same way. It was nice Ed didn't have to worry about finding her _and _trying to get them both out.

Ed hated pretending to be asleep. It wasn't his style to just sit there and not immediately jump into action, whether that action was doing some kick-butt alchemy, throwing a few punches, or shooting curse words right and left. He was about to go crazy with boredom when a loud CRACK resounded throughout the house.

"Stupid ministry officials," Ed heard the Creature mutter in his gravelly voice. "They think all Apparating at once makes them more official. Well, where were they when my Master was destroying the Dark Lord, hmm?" The Creature continued to mutter on about the stupidity of politicians in general (of which opinion Ed could heartily agree) and didn't even stop when said politicians entered the room. Loudly. With much flair and flapping of their robes. From the noises they were making, Ed guessed there were about five. It seemed as though some of the Weasleys, Hermione, and Harry had joined them.

After a few jokes about his height that had Ed grinding his teeth, the Ministry people got down to business.

"Weasley, do you want to wake him up, then?" one politician said. His voice sounded as though he didn't open his mouth when he spoke—a kind of tired voice that wheezed through his teeth.

"I would luff to," said a haughty female voice that Ed had at first mistaken for a Ministry worker. So she was a Weasley…funny…Ed hadn't thought the rest of them had an accent…

"_Levanseta_," said the woman. Ed felt the spell settle around his shoulders and waited for himself to be forcible 'awoken.'

Nothing happened.

"Fleur, are you sure that's the right spell? He should be awake by now, shouldn't he?"

"Of course eet ees ze right spell, Hermione," Fleur said scathingly. "Ze spell did not wake ze boy because he ees already awake."

"But I have been watching the boy! Master commanded that I watch him and inform him if the follower of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named woke up! He has been breathing heavily and twitching his fingers! He could not possible awake."

Ed _almost_ smiled. He'd always been a convincing fake sleeper. Even Al, who'd been traveling with him for ages, was still fooled by it. It seemed as though the Creature had been fooled, too.

The Creature didn't really like being faked out. It prodded him very sharply with a pointy finger.

"He could not be awake! He could not be!"

Ed tried to decide if he could keep up a convincing fake sleep while being jostled by an angry _thing_. Evidently he took a little too long deciding.

"Alright, we know you're faking. Open your eyes, boy," said a voice Ed didn't recognize.

Ed opened his eyes and came face to face with a pair of muddy, watery eyes that were even bigger than Luna's, with none of the ethereal, slightly kooky beauty that hers possessed.

Ah, thought Ed, THAT's the Creature.

Yuck.

Ed took a gander at the other people in the room. There was Harry looking suspicious, Ron looking hungry, Hermione looking thoughtful, more Weasleys looking red-headed and freckled (all except Mrs. Weasley, who Ed assumed was probably feeding the baby), a fat man in a plaid robe with a squashed nose and tiny mouth, a thin man in a green robe with a long nose and big ears, a thin woman with pursed lips, a red-haired man who _could_ be a Weasley (his face was too scarred to tell if he had freckles), and standing right next to his bed was—

Wow.

Ed had never been a hand at poetry. But he had read a bit, and he remembered vividly reading one book written in poetic alchemic code. Horrid. Al had written a poem once, which was titled something along the lines of "Kittens are great and I want one". Ed had never even attempted to write anything even remotely close to a rhyme. But looking at this woman standing over his bed with an amused and irritated face made Ed feel like forcing out a verse or two.

"My face, it eez beautiful, no?"

Ed squeaked.

Ron snorted.

"Well, getting on with things, then," said the fat man. Ed tore his eyes away from Fleur and tried to focus on what the man was saying. "My name is Pecksniff, and I'm from the Department of Magical Malfunctions. These are my coworkers, Jenepur," he pointed to the big-eared man, "who is an Auror, and Heglebey," he pointed to the woman, "who works in Information." Pecksniff paused, as though waiting for Ed to tell him his name.

Ed simply stared, trying hard not to blink.

Pecksniff sniffed and scratched his squashed nose. "We already know who you are. You are Edward Elric, travelling under the guise of a muggle."

Ed decided that warranted a response. "Not guise. I _am_ a muggle."

"You used previously unstudied magical techniques."

Ed sighed. "Whatever." There was no way he was going to tell this guy anything, especially give him a lecture on the difference between magic and alchemy. "Where's Luna?"

"Miss Lovegood has returned home."

Ed sighed again. These guys were ridiculous. If it had been a homunculus interrogating him—well, they didn't really interrogate, so that was a moot point. They liked to maim. And kill. And brutally dismember. Not really interrogate.

Ed realized Jenepur had just asked him a question. "Wha—!" Heglebey poured a small vial of liquid down his throat. Coughing and spluttering, Ed glared at her. "What did you do that for? Trying to poison me?"

Heglebey didn't even look at him, but pulled out a roll of paper and a quill pen. "Continue, Pecksniff."

"What is the color of your coat?"

What? Was he blind? "Uhhhh….pink with blue polka-dots," Ed drawled.

Pecksniff frowned. "What is the color of your coat?"

Ed almost laughed. More ridiculousness! "Silver stripes with one long gold one right in the—Red." Ed's eyes bulged. His mouth had answered by itself.

Pecksniff seemed pleased.

_Crap, this is not good_, though Ed.

"What is your name?"

"Edward Elric." His mouth! His tongue! His face was forming words, and he didn't even think about the answers! What was happening?

"Are you known by any other names?"

"The Fullmetal Alchemist. The People's Alchemist. Will Parker. Tom—"

"That's enough." Ed was shocked. Those had been his childhood heroes, people he had pretended to be when playing alchemy with Al before their mother had died.

"Why do you carry a pocketwatch with a serpent on it?"

"To make sure I never forget." Ed couldn't control his own responses. The truth was coming out of his mouth, and he was powerless to stop it.

"Forget what?"

Ed didn't want to tell him. He struggled against the Truth Liquid, but he had to say something. "The day I burned down the house."

There were a few murmered comments at this as Heglebey scribbled down what he said.

Ed closed his eyes, waiting for the next question.

"Whose house?"

"Mine."

Pecksniff was silent for a moment.

"What is your connection with Lord Voldemort?" Harry jumped in. Pecksniff glared at him.

"No connection."

Harry looked disappointed, but pressed on. "How did you get silver limbs, then?"

No. Ed was not going to answer that. He. Was. Not. Ed felt an answer growing in his throat. He clamped his mouth shut, struggling against the choking feeling, closed eyes seeing memories flash through his mind of his mother, Al, Winry, biting his tongue to prevent the Truth Liquid to take over his mouth, to force answers out of him. It hurt, fighting it. Ed could feel tears threatening to leak out of the corners of his eyes. Ed would not tell these uncaring, unfeeling strangers his greatest secrets. He had beat their magic before—he could do it again. He could do it again.

He could do it.

He could do it.

He could.

Ed scrunched his eyes further closed, so tight he saw spots. But he was losing. He could feel the power of their magic moving inside him, causing his tongue to loosen and his memories to travel through his head to the roof of his mouth where they hovered, waiting for his lips to part and reveal Ed's largest secret.

Ed's eyes parted, defeat written on every feature. He looked right, left, glanced briefly at the warm sunlight streaming through the tiny window in his prison, and let his eyes rest on the beautiful woman standing coldly at his bedside.

Ed opened his mouth.

"I am a Ferrous Molkenbloder."

And all hell broke loose.

* * *

Well, there we go. Chapter diez. This one is a bit longer, I think. Maybe not, though. I'm not sure. Does anybody really care?

Classes suck. Just started and already I have a monster load of crap to do. Which is why I'm not doing it and writing instead. No, really, though, I'm not just doing this because I have so much other stuff to do. I decided to upload a chapter in celebration of having a wonderful day! Today really was fantastic. I don't even really know why. Well, actually I think I do. I'm going to talk to the girls for a moment. Boys, I guess you can read too if you like really girly moments...

You know those days when you wake up and you just feel like feeling more gorgeous than usual, but then you try and fail miserably? Well, this was not one of those days. This was one of those days where you wake up, want to feel drop-dead, stunningly, beautifully gorgeous, and somehow everything works out and you do!! I don't know about many of you, but I don't have those days a lot. Usually when I want to look really good it flops, but today was like the best hair day ever!! I wore flippin' cute clothes that were even comfortable, had new earings and everthing!! Woot!! I felt like a million bucks even if I didn't look like it, but I don't care if I didn't. I felt like I was gorgeous, and that's really all that matters.

Okay, I'm done with that. But, on this momentous occasion, I decided to give all my wonderful readers, and especially my reviewers a treat. Because, let's face it guys, whenever I open my email and see a little Review email in my Inbox, I feel like a million bucks all over again.

Here's to you guys, may you always feel like a million bucks, too.

clink

churu

Wow, long Author's notes.


	11. The Proper Use of Skemy Pods

Chapter 11—Proper Use of Skemy Pods

Dean Thomas hadn't been expecting visitors. He really hadn't. In fact, he had just settled down on the couch in his small apartment with a big bowl of sugary oatmeal to watch the morning news when his doorbell rang. After arguing with himself about pretending not to be home, Dean finally put his bowl down, grabbed his shirt, and went to answer the door. The doorbell kept ringing. And ringing.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he muttered to himself as he pulled on his shirt. Whoo. He needed to do his laundry. The doorbell still rang persistently. Dean pulled open the door and was almost blinded by the morning sun glinting off a head of white-blonde hair. Dean was suddenly very happy he had answered the door.

"Luna!"

She looked up, her finger still working away at the doorbell. "When I push this round white knob it makes a sound like a Yuriloken! How did you get them stuck inside there?"

Dean sighed and grabbed her hand, silencing the annoying 'bwing-bwong-ooong' of his slightly decrepit doorbell. He ignored the tingle that raced from his fingers to his chest and back down again. That always happened when he touched Luna. "Luna, what is it?"

Luna looked confused for a moment, then suddenly seemed to remember what she had come to Dean's apartment for. Her big eyes widened and she rushed past him into his tiny, dirty living room.

"Dean, I need your help! They've got him, and they're going to set their Man-Eating Swarl Monkeys on him, and they're going to kill him, and I promised I'd get him back home, and, and, and--!" Luna twisted her hands in front of her and looked up at Dean with big eyes. Dean felt the same falling sensation in the pit of his stomach that he always felt whenever he looked at Luna. He hated seeing her so worried.

Fighting back the urge to gently tuck a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear, Dean folded his arms. "What are you talking about, Luna?" It was one of those questions that always came up in his conversations with her. Luna would go on and on and on about things he didn't understand, but that was one of the things he liked the best about her. At the moment, though, it seemed to be a good idea to get as much information as possible. That was his job, after all. He was working part-time in the MMIA: Magical and Muggle Intelligence Agency. Well, he was just an underpaid pencil-pusher right now, but after a little luck and a few promotions and the completion of his final year at Hogwarts…

Luna took a deep breath.

"I met this guy named Ed who's from another world and I'm trying to get him back home, but since he's got metal limbs Harry and those guys think he's involved with Voldemort when he really isn't, but they think he is and they've captured him and I need you to help me rescue him."

There was a pause where the only sounds came from Janice Reddingford, the cute peppy brunette that did the morning weather on channel seven.

Dean absently grabbed the remote and switched off the TV. "You need me to what?"

Luna repeated her tirade.

Dean liked the shape of her lips when she talked. Especially when she talked fast. He shook his head and collapsed onto his couch. "Okay, let me get this straight. There's a guy that is under Ministry custody and you want me to help you break him out of jail?"

"He's not in jail. He's in the second room on the right on the third floor of the Burrow."

"Uh-huh." Dean scratched his chin thoughtfully. He needed to shave. But his razor was dull. Had he already put that on his shopping list?

Luna grabbed Dean's hands and moved her face closer so that she could look into his eyes better. "Dean, please! I need your help!"

She was inches away. He could reach behind her neck, tilt his head slightly to the left, lean forward, and—

_No, Dean, no!_

Dean snapped himself out of his reverie. Jeez, why was she even asking. All she had to do was look at him and he'd follow her off a cliff. Though for a wizard that might not be deadly. He'd follow her into a pit of—what did she call them again?—Man-Eating Swarl Monkeys? Whatever.

"Alright, Luna. I'll help. Tell me what I need to do."

Luna smiled, a big, happy, wonderful, beautiful smile that showed nearly all her teeth. Dean loved her smile. He could look at it all day long.

But, alas, it was not to be. Luna grabbed the least smelly of his socks and shoved his shoes into his hands.

"Come on! We've got to get going!"

Dean hopped on one foot toward the door while trying to shove a crispy sock onto the other one. "Luna, shouldn't we make a plan first?"

Luna turned and gave him another smile that made his heart skip in his throat. "Silly, the best plans _always_ come in laboratories!"

_Dang it,_ thought Dean as he ran out onto the crumbling fire escape to the waiting broomsticks, _I forgot to eat my oatmeal._

* * *

"And that's it!" exclaimed Luna. She had just finished outlining her plan.

_Well, I'd give her ten points for originality_ thought Dean. Out loud he said, "Um…sure. So let me get this straight one more time. You want me to use these," he held up a few nose-shaped pods, "to disguise myself as this 'Ed' person. I'm supposed to go into the Weasley's house, up to the second room on the right on the third floor, and create a distraction so that their attention is taken away from the kid, and I'll look like him so they might follow me. You'll be outside his window and you'll help him escape from there."

"Yup, that's about it!" said Luna happily.

Dean looked momentarily at the pod he was holding in his hand and took a bite of butter tart. He needed to ask Rosa if she delivered. "So how does this thing help me disguise myself as this 'Ed' kid?"

Luna grabbed a pod and shoved it on her nose. "They're called Skemy Pods. If you put them on your nose they disguise your head as a different person's for around twenty minutes. They're inferior to Polyjuice Potion, of course, but you don't have to acquire a part of the other person." As she spoke the pod secreted a tendrilly, oily substance that inched its way across her face, changing her eyes to gold, darkening her hair and skin, changing her face so that it was no longer Luna's but that of a rather attractive young man. "You have to be thinking about the person you want to look like, which is why I'm showing his face to you now. Think you got it?"

Dean nodded, his gut twinging slightly with what he knew to be jealousy. Stupid Amestris kid, coming and taking Luna away from him—who did he think he was?

"Dean?" Luna waved her hand in front of his eyes. "Wrackspurt got you?"

"No," he muttered. He sighed. "'kay, Luna. How do I distract them?"

Luna smiled again and leaned forward to whisper in Dean's ear. Dean got a little distracted by the sensation of her breath lightly falling under his ear, and had to make her repeat herself. Luna complied, whispering just a touch louder.

Dean sat silently for a moment.

"I'm supposed to say what?!"

* * *

Ed had seen Luna outside his window. Luckily Pecksniff and Harry and everyone else were watching him struggle against the Truth Liquid and didn't notice her. Ed was proud of himself that he could think clearly while fighting against such a powerful force. But he couldn't hold out, he knew that. He had to trust Luna would save him before he said anything too revealing. He really, really didn't want to tell these people about how he had lost his limbs. He couldn't keep fighting though. The force inside him wrenched his mouth open and his captors leaned forward to hear what he had to say.

Ed's mouth moved in barely a whisper, which made it very easy to hear the voice of the person who had just burst into the room.

"I am a Ferrous Molkenbloder."

Ed strained against his chains, mouth still rebelliously telling his story in a barely audible whisper. He pulled his head up and saw—himself!

Well, it wasn't really himself. This person was wearing worn jeans and a white long-sleeve T-shirt with what appeared to be the remnants of a butter tart crumbled down the front, but the faces were the same! What the heck?! Was this a wizard thing?!

"Ha ha!" cackled the fake Ed. "You've got the wrong one! Now I really will bring back Lord Voldemort and you will all suffer the same fate as Albus Dumbledore!" The fake Ed cackled again, shot a curse into the group, and raced out the door.

_His acting skills need some work._ But Ed wasn't about to get picky. Especially when the group surrounding his bed jumped up and ran to follow the fake. Ed, still inaudibly muttering his entire life story, watched as his window burst open and in flew Luna, bright hair looking more windswept than usual. She winked and held up her wand.

"_Alohomora!"_

Nothing happened. Ed strained against his chains. Luna frowned. "They must have put a stronger spell on these chains than normal. Hmmm…."

Ed felt himself quickly losing hope. There were shouts downstairs and the sounds of curses being cast and furniture breaking. It sounded like his fake was putting up a good fight. But even the best fighters couldn't keep back all those wizards forever. They needed to hurry. But what was stronger than a wizard's spell?

"Luna I need you to put some powder on my hand. No, not that one! The other one, the one that's real! Okay, now if I just draw a star on this link in the chain…two circles…let's see…iron...carbon…a little silicon…oxygen from the rust…wait, that's just…blood? Whatever. Umm…hydrogen…" Ed frantically scribbled a transmutation circle on a link in his chains. There wasn't much time. "Luna, is there a spell to break things?"

"Yes, but these have probably been spelled against breaking."

"We have to try anyway. On the count of 'three', I want you to aim that spell right at the center of this star, got it?"

Luna nodded and positioned her wand.

"One." Someone was pounding up the stairs.

"Two." Fake Ed burst into the room, panting as he ran to stand by Luna's side.

"Three!"

"Luna!" Harry Potter cried out as he entered the room with wand raised. The Weasleys and the Ministry workers were not far behind.

Harry's shout and Luna's spell were lost in the gigantic _CRACK_ of Ed's chain breaking. The pieces glowed bright blue, striking the walls of the room like bullets. Streaks of lightning shot from one segment of chain to another.

Ed laughed as he pulled himself up. The noise seemed to remind his former captors that their prisoner was escaping. But Ed had already clapped his hands together, and a giant wall formed between the three escapees and the others. Fake Ed turned to look at him, and Ed recognized the look of fear that crossed the fake's eyes. Ed didn't care. He was almost free!

"Luna, come on! Let's go!"

Ed grabbed Luna's hand and together they ran to the window, Fake Ed not far behind. Real Ed had a moment to notice that Fake Ed was about a foot and a half taller than he was before jumping out the window onto a waiting broomstick.

Ed's triumphant shout could be heard by the wizards standing dumbstruck behind a wall that used to be a floor.

* * *

Pecksniff did _not_ want to give his report. It wasn't that he didn't like giving reports in general. It was just that normally there weren't people from all the Ministry Departments waiting to hear what had gone wrong. Which was everything. How on earth could that tiny little boy have caused so much havoc? Things had been going so well…

"They're ready for you, Pecksniff," the orderly droned. Pecksniff squared his shoulders.

It was like any other conference room, long table, squishy rotating chairs, plate of crackers and cheese. Pecksniff shouldn't have felt so apprehensive; he had been in this room a hundred times or more. But this time he had bad news. This time he had really, really, really bad news that a delegate from every single Ministry Department would hear.

The delegates didn't look too pleased to be there. Pecksniff looked at the sullen faces and felt his upper lip start to sweat.

"Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an honor and privilege to be speaking to you today, and I thank you from the depths of my heart for your presence to hear my humble—"

"Just get on with it, Pecksniff." One delegate interrupted.

Pecksniff gulped and started his report.

"Well, you see, this morning at 8:00 we received a report from the Weasley home that they had discovered someone suspected in further involvement with You-Know-Who. My department sent me as a delegate to see what was going on, and with me came Jenepur and Heglebey. We arrived at 2:00 in the afternoon, after Mr. Weasley informed us that it was nearly time for the sleeping spell to wear off. There was a boy lying on a bed, asleep still, when we arrived. He had been captured with another girl, one Luna Lovegood, but she had been released by the Weasleys before our arrival. The boy was awoken and Heglebey administered Veritiserum. I believe the orderly has a copy of the questioning procedure…"

The orderly stood and began to read. "In answer to the question of his name: Edward Elric. In answer to the question of other names: The Fullmetal Alchemist. The People's Alchemist—"

There was a sharp snap as the delegate from the Department of Mysteries broke his quill. The orderly paused. Pecksniff took a closer look at the Unspeakable. What was his name again? It was something musical…Mozart? Staccato?

"Delegate Note, is there something the matter?" the orderly inquired. The Unspeakable stared at Pecksniff.

"The Fullmetal Alchemist?" whispered Note.

Pecksniff nodded. "Yes. That's what he said he had gone by. Just a title, I believe, but there was a name he mentioned that I believe we should look into. The orderly was just getting to it…"

"No, no!" The force of Note's negation took the entire delegation by surprise. The man stood up, leaning forward on the table. "Describe him!"

Pecksniff blinked. "He wore a red coat, black…pants I believe they're called… a black sleeveless top…"

The Unspeakable waved that aside. "Was he carrying anything? Was there anything unusual about his appearance?"

Pecksniff paused. This was the part of the report he hadn't wanted to give. "Well, he did carry a pocketwatch that had something like a snake engraved on it." Note nodded, rapt. "And…one of his legs and one of his arms were…" Note leaned forward even more.

"Were…?" he prompted.

Pecksniff gulped again. "Metal. Arthur Weasley in Muggle Relations said they looked muggle-made, full of odd things like gulleys and pears."

Note's eyes bulged. "And they worked like normal limbs?"

"Better, from what I heard. The Petrifying curse didn't affect them, so they had to put the boy to sleep."

Note's fist clenched, breaking his quill further. "And his eyes, what color were his eyes?" he whispered softly, like he already knew the answer.

"Gold." Pecksniff answered promptly.

Note straightened and turned to the other delegates. "I'm sorry you all had to take time out of your busy days, but this is a matter for my department. Good day. Pecksniff, come with me. You will continue your report in my office."

Pecksniff barely had time to register the astonished faces of the others before Note swept past him. The fat man turned quickly and scurried off behind the Unspeakable.

As much as a man with three chins can scurry, anyway.

* * *

Yay! Dean has joined the Dream Team! I think he'll be a little easier to write than Ed and Luna. You don't really know that much about him so you shouldn't really be expecting all that much! But I definitely think that he likes Luna...there's this part in the last book...:heart:.

Oh, and for those of you who don't/didn't remember what a Ferrous Molkenbloder was, when Ed met Luna she asked him if he was one. It's in the first chapter.

Don't get used to this update schedule, chicos. This probably won't happen again. I just got so many reviews I felt like I had to write something for you guys...:D

Lotsa love!

churu

* * *


	12. A Box of Pjorks is Nasty Business

Chapter 12—A Box of Pjorks is Nasty Business

The Office of Passage was the least spoken about in the entire department of mysteries. Of course, it was kind of a running joke throughout the entire Department that all the Office did was 'pass gas'—meaning sit and throw out theories all day about silly things like Interspacial Travel. Whatever that was. It was one of the least staffed Offices in the entire Department. Howard Note was the head of the Office of Passage, with two subordinates—Bill Williamson and Tom Hatch—and a secretary, Charlotte Troffs.

A normal day for the Office of Passage started out with Note running late. He was almost always late, grabbing a hasty piece of toast and brushing his dark wet hair as he ran out the door of his apartment. A quick Apparation, trip down the elevator, and he was at work.

"Sir, there's a message for you on your desk."

"Call me Howard, Charlotte. Any idea what it might be?"

Charlotte pushed her red bangs out of her eyes and looked innocently up at her mildly incompetent superior. "Well, sir, it's either information on that well in Japan or summons to a report hearing."

Note glanced into his office at his pathetically empty Inbox. "A report hearing, then. As long as it's not that guy Pecksniff, I think I'll be fine. The way he talks bugs me—like he hasn't swallowed his spit in ten years."

"It's at 9:30, sir. You'd better get going."

"Yes, yes, of course." Note dropped his jacket on a dusty chair in the waiting room and walked back to the elevator.

Tom poked his head out of his shared office and raised an eyebrow at Charlotte. She raised one back.

"What's the bet it's Pecksniff?"

"Million to one."

"In favor of Pecksniff?"

"In favor of Pecksniff."

The next hour was fairly uneventful. Bill came in at about ten, rubbing sleep out of his eyes while still insisting that his baby girl was the best thing that had ever happened in his life. Yes, he didn't get much sleep now, and yes, he wished giving sleeping potions to children didn't kill them, but his baby Trisha was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life, as shown in this picture, and this picture, and this picture….and this one….and that one….

"She kind of looks like a potato to me, Bill." Tom held the picture closer to his face. "A peachy-colored potato with a pink dress on."

"You've got it upside-down, stupid." Bill grabbed his picture back from Tom and held it in front of Charlotte's nose. "Don't you think she's the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

Charlotte's quill paused on her parchment. "Bill…"

"I know, I know. Get to work. Really, I don't know what you find to do all day. It's not like we've ever gotten much of a lead for any of our so-called cases. I don't know why I even come to work anymore."

Charlotte looked up from her notes. "Bill, would you like me to find you something to do?"

The man recoiled. "No, no, I can find something. Let's see…" Bill walked over to a large filing cabinet. "I was planning on working with one of our older cases today."

Charlotte sighed. "You mean the ones I've filed away as completely and utterly useless piles of—"

"Yes, those ones," Bill interrupted. "I thought I might start with…" He pulled open the first drawer and stuck his hand in.

What Bill was going to start with was never discovered, because at that moment a small paper bird flew through the door and stopped to hover at Charlotte's eye level. Movement in the office stopped. Tom's quill fell out of his hand. With a surprisingly steady hand Charlotte touched the little bird, which unfolded itself into a note.

"It's a note," said Charlotte.

"Well don't just sit there, read it!" said Tom.

Bill nodded, one hand still inside the first drawer of the file cabinet.

" 'Charlotte'," read Charlotte aloud, " 'We've got a sniffling wolf. May be able to fix a Jack out of the Box. Get a bird and feed it. Musician will play wolf's song in common time at the break of dawn. Recipe includes chocolate and cinnamon, as well as iron and silk. Put in bowl and stir. Watch for sudden burst of electric charge.'"

The room was silent.

"A real Jack out of the Box?" said Tom in a hushed voice.

"Chocolate _and_ cinnamon?" Bill choked.

"He's going to be here in ten minutes!" cried Charlotte. The office was suddenly busier than it had ever been before. Charlotte's wand whirled as she quickly siphoned old dust from the corners and put a teapot on to boil. Bill stayed where he was at the filing cabinet and Tom joined him in his search for the correct files.

"Let's see…chocolate is Interspatial Travel, right?" Tom pulled open a drawer.

"No, no. It's Alter-Uni Passages. Cinnamon's…Amestris. Iron…The Fullmetal Alchemist. And…." Bill paused.

"Silk," gulped Tom.

"Crap," said Bill. "You know what that means."

Tome nodded and pulled open a half-empty drawer. He reached to the very back and fiddled around with something. There was a small pop and a hole appeared in the air right over the filing cabinet. Tom reached inside and pulled out a battered file bursting with scraps of parchment and sticky notes. Bill put his hand through the opening and retrieved a stack of old magazines.

"The Lovegoods," said Bill as he riffled through the pages of an old _Quibbler_. He stopped at a circular drawing with a star inside it.

Tom sighed and grabbed the magazine from Bill's hands. He glanced at the page. "Do you think they ever really guessed how close they were?"

"Xenophilius? Are you kidding?"

"Mmph."

The four files and stack of magazines were placed on Note's desk, and the three employees attempted to make themselves seem busy as they waited for the arrival of their supervisor.

At precisely ten minutes to eleven, the elevator doors dinged open, and out walked an annoyed-looking Note with a babbling Pecksniff scurrying behind him.

"Ah, sir, welcome back!" greeted Charlotte. "Mr. Pecksniff, would you like a cup of tea?"

"Oh, don't mind if I do, Miss…?"

"It's Troffs," interrupted Note tersely. He had been forced to listen to Pecksniff simper and smirk and try to get information out of him about the Fullmetal Alchemist the entire ride down the elevator. He was an Unspeakable, for crying out loud. Didn't the guy realize that he couldn't tell him anything?!

Note sat at his desk and gestured for Pecksniff to take a seat. The large man obliged as Note grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from his desk. He wrote as Pecksniff squirmed.

"Um, if you don't mind my asking…"

Note put his quill down and looked up at the other man. Pecksniff squirmed under his suddenly intense gaze. "This is an official interview with the Unspeakable Howard Note and –what's your first name?"

"Bernard."

"—Bernard Pecksniff. The interviewer is Note, and the interviewee, Bernard Pecksniff, understands that if he even attempts to communicate any part of what is said, heard, asked, or otherwise implied, he, the interviewee, will be incapacitated both mentally, physically, and magically."

Pecksniff's eyes bulged. "What?! I don't understand…what is going on here?!"

Note sighed. "You're being interviewed for official Unspeakable information. Do you really think we wouldn't take these sorts of precautions?"

"But this is the Office of Passage! You're not even—!" Pecksniff stopped.

Note decided to pretend he hadn't heard that. "You will sign here and enter into a legally and magically binding contract."

Pecksniff took the quill from Note and shakily signed his name. As soon as he had lifted the quill, the parchment burst into flame. A small pile of ash lay on Note's desk. Note brushed it into his hand and placed a pinch in each corner of his office and brushed his bottom lip with it. He instructed Pecksniff to do the same. After the large man had done so, the ash glowed purple and disappeared.

"Good. Let's begin."

* * *

Ed pushed his spaghetti around on his plate and tried not to notice Dean glaring at him. It had been a few days since his escape, and at the moment they were hiding out in the other boy's apartment before they went to Sweden. Ed had no idea why Dean hated him so much. It wasn't like it was his fault using Skemy Pods turned your face green! Of course, Dean's face wasn't green anymore. It had started to fade after the first few hours. Luna said that was normal.

Normal. Right.

"Luna," called Ed. Dean's scowl deepened. "Have you gotten in touch with Rosa yet?"

Luna stuck her head out of the tiny kitchen. She had a spoon sticking out of her mouth and was holding her most recent discovery: yogurt. Dean had had a carton in his fridge, and it was Luna's official favorite. "Mmm?"

"Have you gotten in touch with Rosa yet."

Luna popped the spoon out of her mouth and smiled. Dean's frown briefly abated. Ed made a note of that. A hypothesis was starting to form in the back of his mind…

"She sent a letter with some butter tarts through the Locatorator."

"Oh. What did she say?"

"She said there were some men and a red-haired woman poking around the entrance to the lab, but she didn't open the door for them so they didn't get in. She said they weren't anybody she recognized, but they talked a lot about things like chocolate and cinnamon."

"Chocolate and cinnamon?"

"Yeah. She said it sounded like they were making something. But it had all sorts of weird things in it."

"Really? Like what?"

"Like silk and artichokes and iron and stuff."

"Huh. That's weird."

Luna shrugged and put another spoonful of yogurt in her mouth. There was a moment of silence.

"Could it be some sort of spell?" asked Dean. It seemed that he was curious in spite of himself. "You put all sorts of weird things in potions."

Luna nodded. "I guess it could be, but I've never heard of a potion that involved all of those."

"Yeah, me neither," sighed Dean.

There was another silence and Ed rolled his spaghetti around on his fork. The sauce wasn't very good. It was too red. Made the noodles look like little bloody worms. Yuck. Ed pushed away his plate and sighed. Then he had a sudden thought.

"Dean, have you ever heard of anyone with the initials CHS?"

Luna dropped her spoon and leaped toward Dean. "I never even thought that CHS might be a muggle! Good thought, Ed." She turned to Dean. "Is there anyone famous with those initials?"

Dean looked shocked to suddenly find Luna almost in his lap and Ed eagerly anticipating his reply. "Uh…CHS?"

Luna and Ed nodded.

"Um…not that I've heard of…but we could try to look it up on the Internet. If he was a famous muggle, then he'll be there."

Luna jumped up. "Where's the Internet? Let's go find it!"

"It's right here, Luna," Dean laughed.

She looked left and right, up and down, and finally her big eyes settled on Dean. "_You're_ CHS?"

Dean laughed again. Ed could tell he was enjoying himself. "The Internet is a big database where muggles can put information and stuff for everyone in the world to see. I have wireless, so all we need is my lap-top."

Luna was nodding like she understood, but Ed had no clue what Dean was talking about. Database? Lap-top? And what the heck did it mean to 'have wireless?' But Dean didn't really seem to be paying attention to Ed's knowledge predicament. He was rummaging in a briefcase, pulling out wires and all sorts of things Ed wanted to play with. Dean stuck some wires in a flat box and opened it. Ed and Luna gasped.

"This is my computer. It's muggle thing."

Ed had never seen anything like it. A glowing picture was on one side of the box, and there was a bunch of buttons with letters on them on the other side. Dean touched a small square beneath the buttons.

"It moved!" Ed pointed at the glowing picture and Luna screamed and grasped his arm tightly. Dean chuckled and moved his finger on the square. "Don't worry, it's supposed to do that." Ed and Luna watched in astonishment as Dean 'popped up a few windows' and 'logged in' because his 'wireless was password protected' and 'opened Firefox'.

"Alright, now I'll just Google 'CHS' and we'll be in business."

Ed glanced to his left and was glad his wasn't the only mouth hanging open. Luna's eyes seemed to be bigger than normal.

"Congratulations! You have been selected to receive a 1000 dollar Wall-mart gift card! To obtain your free gift card, click on—!"

"There's someone in that box!" screeched Luna. Ed was pretty creeped out, too.

"No, no...that's just a pop-up. Here—I'll turn the sound off." Dean pressed a button and the person's voice faded.

Ed and Luna exchanged a glance. "Are you sure you don't have a Pjork stuck in there? They've been known to mimic a human's voice and try to convince people that they need something they really don't."

Dean looked at Luna. Ed wondered briefly if Dean was going to be like the other wizards and negate everything Luna said. He was just about ready to defend Luna when Dean turned back to his computer.

"Well, it's definitely not a Pjork. Might be a Reezlemot, though."

Luna nodded sagely, and Dean rose a few notches on Ed's 'Good People' list.

"Well, there's about 15,100,000 hits for 'CHS'."

Even Ed, who knew nothing about the Internet, knew that was not a good thing.

"I'll try to narrow it down. Let's see—alchemy…26,000…alternate universe…2,640… Are you Jewish?"

"What?"

"There's a couple of things on here that talk about Jewish alchemy. Are you Jewish?"

"I have no idea what that is."

"Okay, minus Jewish…1,650…and you're not from China…758." Dean paused. "I think we're going to have to go through these one by one." He clicked on the first one. "Might as well get started."

Ed and Luna watched for a little while as Dean went through the list. Then they got bored, and Ed returned to his now-cold spaghetti and Luna dragged out a copy of her father's magazine.

Ed gave up on his spaghetti (again) and took to sighing loudly and scratching his head. Which apparently annoyed Luna, because after his sixth sigh he found a copy of _The Quibbler_ plunked down in his lap. Ed sighed one more time, just for good measure, and cracked open a page.

'The Meaning Behind the Madness—an insider's view to life with Umplerytes!'

'Wobbling Nonatroads and their cousins, Skipping Hexipods'

_Ugh_, thought Ed. He threw the magazine aside and glanced at Luna, who was reading her magazine upside down. Ed took a brief glance at the cover and sighed—almost.

"Erp!"

Luna looked at him over her magazine. "Ed?"

Dean raised his head from his computer. "What's up?"

Ed eye's met Luna's, and with a voice that trembled with anticipation, he whispered,

"What are Crumple-Horned Snorkacks?"

* * *

How about that? Heeheee...I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove Crumple-Horned Snorkacks!! And I like Note, too. I think he and Charlotte and gonna get together...unless...hoo, now that's an idea...haha!! That would be hilarious!! Heeheeeee!! I'm not gonna teell...

Anyway, hope you enjoyed that chapter! I've gotten over 200 reviews! Thanks so much, guys! I have to say, I wasn't expecting so much enthusiasm for my little...what's it called? A plot bubble?

Heehee.

Ciao, mis queridos...which I think is 'darlings' in Spanish...I don't remember...

churu


	13. Snorkackian Code

Chapter 13—Snorkackian Code

"You're kidding, right?" said Dean. The other two didn't appear to hear him. Luna was staring at that little kid, the kid was staring at Luna, and at the moment they seemed to forget he was even in the room.

Dean got up from his computer and grabbed a yogurt. When he got back, they still hadn't moved. Dean sighed. Any other day—any other person—and it would be fine, but he didn't want that little kid getting any closer to Luna than he already was.

"Hey."

No response.

"Hey, kid."

Nothing.

"Hey, shortie!"

Ah, dramatic results. Surprisingly dramatic results. Dean would have to remember that the little guy didn't like being called short in the future. Heh.

"Of course!" shouted Luna. She jumped up and slapped her forehead. "CHS! In Sweden! Crumple-horned Snorkacks! It all makes sense!" She turned to Dean, whose heart leaped to his throat seeing her exuberant expression. "Don't you remember? Dad and I went to Sweden a few summers back to look for them!"

Dean nodded. That was before he had…well, back when he thought she was weird.

The kid interrupted. "Did you find any?"

Luna sank back to the couch. "No. Dad said it must have been a false clue or something. We didn't even find a trace of them. They can hide themselves very well, but there are clues that you can find if you know about them."

"What sorts of clues?" asked Shortie.

"They dance," responded Luna, "and leave elaborate designs in muggle corn fields."

"Elaborate designs?"

"Like this," said Dean, eager to get Shortie's attention away from Luna. He quickly clicked on 'image search' and typed in a few keywords into the search box. About 207,000 results, huh?

Shortie looked over his shoulder and gasped. "That one—that one right there! It looks like a transmutation circle!" (a/n static./gif/crop-circle-5.jpg )

Dean clicked on it. "Looks like it's from Wiltshire."

"Maybe it's a message!" gasped Luna. Her eyes widened. "Crumple-Horned Snorkacks are notorious for leaving coded messages!"

The kid squinted at the tiny picture on the screen. "If it really is a transmutation circle I might be able to tell you what its transmutating, but the pictures are too small to tell what the symbols are."

"Well, that's easy to fix," said Dean, glad he could interject his two cents. "I just have to make it bigger."

"Can you _do_ that?" asked Luna, staring at Dean with awe and delight. He felt his stomach twinge and his breath catch in his throat. He nodded.

"See, I click on it like this, go to copy, paste it here, and then I can make it as big as you want. The quality isn't as good, but you should still be able to see what's going on. It's really easy." Dean paused, wondering if he should go for a small (and cheap) jab. Ah, what the heck. "Pity you can't do that with people."

"What did you just say?" growled the little guy.

"I don't know what you're talking about," replied Dean while clicking on a few more boxes. This was fun.

"Look." Shortie pointed at the screen. "There are empty boxes here, where activation symbols would normally be. These…the square spirals. They represent different elements. Usually squares are metals…and those dashed lines. They're for gases, I think. The symbol in the middle, though. I've never seen that before. Normally transmutation circles have stars in the middle."

Dean tilted his head. "They look kind of like wings to me."

"Wings?" Luna leaned forward.

"Yeah, see? These are the feathers right here…" Dean looked at the information on the page. "It says here this circle resembles an Aztec sun stone."

"A sun stone?" asked Shortie.

"Its how an ancient civilization in America told time." The kid still looked confused. "Here, I'll look up a picture." Dean opened a new window and typed in the necessary information.

The kid grabbed his shoulder. Shortie was apparently really strong.

"An eight-pointed star?" whispered the kid. Dean looked over his aching shoulder at the little guy. His face was frightening—wide eyes skimming quickly over a message only he could read.

"I don't see a star," said Luna as she tilted her head to the side.

"Right here. It's only got the points of the star." Shortie pointed at the corresponding place on the sun circle. "Keep this picture up, and the crop circle. I want to copy them down. Do you have paper?"

Dean laughed. "Paper?"

Shortie nodded.

Dean laughed again. He could tell the kid was getting irritated. Dean clicked on a very special button in the upper left corner of his screen. "How about I do something better?"

There was a noise from Dean's room, a _thank-zzoop-clunk._ The kid's hand tightened on his shoulder, and Luna screeched something incomprehensible, but Dean was pretty sure it was about some sort of lethal creature that only she and her father had ever heard of.

"Relax, guys. It's just my printer."

Luna and Shortie looked at him, confused. Dean beckoned them to come with him. He led them into his room, picked his way through the mess on his floor—thank goodness he always put his boxers in the dirty clothes basket!—and moved some stuff off his desk so they could see the black box on top. "This is my printer. I got it second-hand, and it needs a good kick every now and again to actually work right." Dean banged on the top of it, and with a small grind it started to print.

"That's the picture!" exclaimed Luna.

"That's how printers work, Luna. They don't make the pictures move, though. I don't know the spell to do that yet."

Dean glanced at the kid, who was watching in fascination as more of the transmutation circles were revealed. Looking at them together, Dean had a sudden epiphany.

"Hey, Shortie." The kid tore his eyes from the pages and looked at him.

"Don't call me short."

"Whatever. You said that this crop circle looked like a transmutation circle, right? Just without the star in the middle."

"That's right."

"And this one looks like a transmutation circle with the star, right?"

"Well, not quite. It's got that funny head in the middle that I don't know what to do with. But the rest of it, yeah. It mostly looks like one."

"Well, I've just had a thought. The ancient Aztecs had this legend about where to make their main city, Tenochtitlan. They were traveling and when they got to the right spot they saw their god—an eagle—sitting on a cactus with his wings stretched toward the sun. That's how they knew to build their city there. So, what if the Crumpled-Horned Snorkacks didn't just make one circle with all the secrets to traveling between universes but made a few that you're supposed to fit together?"

The kid's eyes grew wide and he looked again at the pictures.

Dean continued, "Look here. The crop circle has wings—like an eagle—in the middle that led us to the Aztecs. Their sun stone has the eight-pointed star in the outer edges, which would fit in the spot where the wings are in the other one."

Shortie's hands started to shake as he held the piece of paper. "You're right," he whispered. "That's how it's supposed to be. The crop circle represents the physical aspect—the elements required or something. The sun stone is change—you said they used it to tell time?"

"Mm."

"Then maybe…a change in time? Or something?"

"Yeah—or maybe a change in dimensions. Muggles have this theory made by this scientist…Einstein, I think. He did this thing about space and time and how they're kind of the same thing if you're going fast enough. So eight points is kind of like two squares, exactly the same except one is turned. So if your world is like our world except turned…"

"You're so smart, Dean!" Dean barely had time to look up when Luna jumped toward him and latched herself around his neck. At which point his mind stopped functioning and he could feel his cheeks heating up. Jeez, she was short. Her feet dangled a good foot and a half from the floor.

The kid grinned, but Dean didn't really notice. "Well, Dean, you might be useful to have around after all. If you think of any more clever ideas I'd definitely be willing to hear them." He led the way back to the living room.

Dean regretfully unwound Luna's arms from his neck—leaving her there would be too obvious—and followed.

"Well, what do you think we should do now?"

"I think we should go see this Aztec thing," said Luna. "Right after I see if Rosa has anything else to say." She grabbed her yogurt container and headed to the kitchen. The two boys watched her go.

"She really is something else, isn't she," said Shortie.

Dean scowled and turned back to his computer. "Mmf."

The little guy leaned against the armrest. "So…"

Dean looked at him. "What?"

"How come you believe in all the creatures she talks about? The other wizards seemed to think she made it all up."

Definitely not expecting _that _question. Dean's hand paused over the keyboard. "I don't really believe in most of them," he murmured.

The kid seemed shocked. "Then why do you make her think that you do?"

Dean glared at the miniscule boy that was asking too personal of questions. "Because I do, okay?"

For some reason Shortie grinned. "I don't know what to think of all of it. Some of the creatures, like Rosa, she's shown me. Others…I don't know."

"Then maybe it's safe to say that we may not believe in all the things she says, but we believe in her, so that's enough."

The kid scratched his head. "You're surprisingly deep, Dean."

"And you're surprisingly short, kiddo."

"Don't call me short!"

"Short, tiny, miniscule, little…"

"Do you want to die?"

"Do you really want to go there, shortie?"

"….don't stand up. You're freakishly tall."

"And you're a midget."

"Don't call me short!"

"I didn't call you short. I called you a midget."

"It's the same thing!"

Dean laughed. "How old are you, anyway?"

"Sixteen."

Dean feigned surprise to cover up his elated feeling. _He's too young for her! He's too young for her!_ Maybe he could get along with this kid. Ed. This kid named Ed. "Really? When I was sixteen I was about that tall." He held his hand a foot over the Ed's head.

"If you don't stop it right now, I'm going to tell Luna!"

Dean raised an eyebrow. "You sure you're sixteen? Not six or seven?"

Ed's reply was lost in a sudden shout from the kitchen.

"_Dean! Dean! RUN!!_"

But it was too late.

A beam of green light shot through the window, hitting Dean right over his heart. Dean felt a brief sense of astonishment as he looked down at his unmarked chest before collapsing in a heap at the feet of the kid he had been mocking just a moment ago.

* * *

I know, cliffhangers suck. But don't worry--if there's a cliffhanger, it means there's more to the story!

This one was all in Dean's point of view. It was kind of fun. This was actually a really fun chapter to write, even if it wasn't fun to read. It was a 'figuring-things-out-somewhat' kind of chapter--kind of boring to everyone except the author. Or at least that's what I think. But it had to be done. I had a blast thinking of different things to make into transmutation circles. I went through kind of the same process Ed and co. did!

So, I watched Ouran High School Host Club during the past two weeks. If you haven't seen it, go watch it. It's flippin hilarious. Seriously has something for everyone. Kyouya is mine, though. And HikaruandKaoru. And Mori. You can have Tamaki and Honey.

Yeah.

churu


	14. Listen to the Worlimegs

Yeah, I know. I don't normally put the author's note up here. But I believe an explanation is in order. This is the ACTUAL chapter 14. The last part of the former one was written under the influence of a new job at 5:00am, going to bed at midnight two nights in a row (and getting up at 4:00), PMS, having two lab reports due at the same time, freaking out about midterms, feeling emotionally drained and psychologically strained, and large amounts of chocolate-almond-caramel ice cream.

Seriously. I'm not exaggerating at all. This was all happening at the same time. So the ending of the last one was what my mind thinks is funny at times like that. Yeah. Now you know why I write fanfiction instead of going on dates! ;

Anyway, here's the real one with the ending slightly more...normal?

(By the way, if you reeeeeeeeeeeally want to read the other one, tell me and I'll send it to you or post it somehow or something.)

* * *

Chapter 14—Listen to the Worlimegs

Two seconds. That was all it took. Two measly little seconds. One second Dean was laughing, the next he was lying on the floor. One minute all was well, the next—well, not so much.

BANG!

The door to Dean's apartment flew open. Ed whirled to face the assailants, anger and shock evident on his face. They killed Dean! How could they!

"_Expeliarmus!_"

"_Expeliarmus_!"

Luna was running into the living room from the kitchen and was hit twice with red light. Ed roared as she was lifted off the ground from the force of the spell and crashed into the wall. Dean! Luna! Ed's hands were already in his pockets when he felt a small prick on the side of his neck.

"Do it and I'll blow your head off," said a female voice of a witch with her wand at his neck.

Ed took his hands out of his pockets. They were coated in silver powder. If he could just find time to clap—

"_Scourgify_." The assailants all wore dark hooded cloaks rimmed in white and Ed couldn't see their faces, but this was a male's voice. "_Sapius antimotor_."

Ed could feel his muscles seizing up and felt a deadening in his metal limbs. Ah. So they had learned something from the last time.

One of the others that hadn't spoken yet Petrified Luna as she struggled to get to her feet. The other walked over to Dean and turned over his lifeless body.

"Note, I think we may have used too much cream of doxy tongues in the tracking set-up," he said conversationally.

The woman behind Ed peered over his head. Which was annoying. Why the heck was he so short?! "Shoot. I told you we put too much in."

The man named Note put his hood down, and Ed was finally able to see the man that seemed to be in charge of his second—or was it his third?—capture.

_Great,_ thought Ed, _if he turns out to BE like Colonel Mustang as well as LOOK like him, then this whole thing is really going to suck._

Not that it didn't already.

Note's de-cloaking seemed to be a cue for the rest of them. There were two other men, one with blonde hair the other with brown. They had rather non-descript, easily forgettable faces. The wand was removed from Ed's neck and a red-haired woman stepped out from behind Ed. She was quite pretty, Ed noted, but seemed to have a sort of professional air about her. The fact that she _wasn't _wearing high heels gave him a big heads up that she meant business.

"Charlotte, did you bring the antidote?" Wait. Antidote? Then Dean was just poisoned, he wasn't dead?

"I have it right here."

Ed watched as she pulled a small bottle full of red liquid out of her cloak. Note tipped the bottle slightly over Dean's open mouth. A drop fell onto his lips and slowly ran into his mouth. Dean swallowed and Ed would have sighed in relief if he could have.

"_Petrificus totalus_."

Shoot. Dean was Ed's last hope for getting out. These wizards seemed to know what they were doing a lot better than the last batch.

Note stood up and gave the red liquid back to Charlotte. He turned, and Ed braced himself.

"You're the Fullmetal Alchemist." Ed was glad his face was frozen, otherwise his jaw would have dropped to the floor.

"Unfreeze his face, Charlotte."

"Yes, sir." Charlotte muttered a spell and feeling rushed back into Ed's face.

"How do you know who I am?" Ed demanded.

Note sat on the couch and Ed's eyes followed him. "My name is Howard Note and I'm the head of the Office of Passage. These are my co-workers, Bill Williamson and Tom Hatch, and our secretary, Charlotte Troffs. We're here to help."

Ed snorted. "Yeah, right. Attacking us really makes me feel 'helped.' Besides, what's the Office of Passage?"

"The Office of Passage deals with traveling between worlds, finding Gates to other worlds, finding out information about different universes, and trying to find ways to get between them."

Ed's breath caught in his throat. "Have you found any ways to get between universes?"

Note grinned. "I'm the one asking the questions, Fullmetal. The first thing I want to know is how you came to be here."

Ed clamped his mouth shut. Unless forced to by that stupid truth potion, there was no way he was going to tell these wizards anything about anything. He could feel Dean's and Luna's eyes on him. He wouldn't let them down.

Bill sat beside his boss and pulled out a few file folders from his cloak. "Why don't we start with what we already know so you don't tell us that stuff. We already know your real name is Edward Elric. You are known as the Fullmetal Alchemist and have been getting more well known as the People's Alchemist. Your mother died when you were very young of an undisclosed sickness. Your brother's name is Alphonse Elric. He is younger than you. The both of you are very good at alchemy. You became a state alchemist so you could have access to the state library and could research on the Philosopher's stone."

Ed's eyes widened. How did they know all this?

Bill continued, "The reason for this research is unknown, but it is thought that it has something to do with the reason your brother always wears armor and why you have metal limbs. Oh, and the metal limbs were made by your childhood neighbors, the Rockbells."

The room was silent. Ed looked at the battered file folder in Bill's hand. How? How did they know all that? This world wasn't his, this _universe_ wasn't his, and yet they knew almost as much about him as everyone in his old world did. How? He looked at Note.

"Well, it seems you know pretty much everything. I don't have anything else to tell you." Ed was glad his voice didn't shake.

Note smiled, and Ed was reminded of Colonel Mustang when he was about to try to weasel information out of someone. " 'Pretty much everything,' Ed. Not everything. So answer my question. How did you get here?"

Ed glared at him. "I don't know—how did _you_ get here?"

Note raised an eyebrow coolly, but Ed was sensing some annoyance. Good. "I'll ask again: How did you get here?"

"Well, this guy came up to me and offered to sell me a watch from inside his coat, but when he opened his coat he was completely naked and I was so traumatized by the experience I passed out and when I came to I was lying in a field full of wild Yartinokies."

"That's not cute, Fullmetal."

"I know you're not, but what am I?"

"I don't know—seven?"

Ed clenched his teeth. "Don't call me short."

"But I didn't call you…" Note grinned. Evilly. "Bill, add that to the file. He doesn't like being called short."

Bill laughed and created a piece of parchment and a quill out of thin air. "The…Fullmetal…Alchemist…doesn't…like…being…called…short." He spoke as he scribbled the information.

Ed glared. They were just goading him. They didn't matter. Not at all. Show them you're better than they are. Breathe. In. Out. Calm.

"Shortie," muttered Tom.

That was it. Ed was about to explode when Charlotte interjected.

"Shut up, all of you." She turned to Ed. "Sorry about that, Edward. Despite the way my idiotic colleagues have been acting, we really do want to help you. We'd like to help you get back to your world, but in order for us to do that we need to know how you got here."

Ed grinned at the pretty red-head. "Call me Ed, please."

She smiled back. "Of course, Ed. Now, will you let us help you?"

"Please do," said Tom. "We haven't had this much to do since Bill thought he found the Bearer of the Subtle Knife at a muggle Renaissance Festival in Maine."

"Shut up, Tom," said Bill. "He was missing the right fingers!"

"Yeah," said Note sarcastically, "_nobody_ besides the Bearer of the Subtle Knife can be missing a few fingers."

At which point Ed got completely confused and Luna burst out laughing harder than Ed had ever heard or seen. So, the petrifying curse had worn off, had it?

"That's funny!" exclaimed Luna. She got to her feet. "Ed, Ed, I think we should listen to them. The Worlimeg Rosa gave me isn't going off, so it means we can trust them!"

Ed sighed. "Luna…"

She looked at him and smiled innocently. "Mmhmm?"

It would probably be useless to try to explain to her that sometimes you didn't want to put all of your faith in a creature given to you by a Pyrovlar. "Fine." Just because he agreed to it didn't mean that he would trust them.

"Wonderful." Note held out his hand to Ed. "I look forward to working with you."

There was a pause.

"You know, even if you don't like me you should at least shake my hand."

"You know, I would, except there's this spell on me that's preventing me from moving." Ed's tone didn't need to add the implied 'idiot' at the end.

"Ah. Charlotte, would you do the honors?"

Charlotte unfroze Ed and Dean, and the two boys reluctantly shook Note's hand.

"And now we're all friends!" said Luna happily.

"Right," said Ed.

"Right," said Dean.

And they exchanged a glance that anything but agreed.

"So, how did you get here?"

Ed growled under his breath. Note hadn't dropped the question even though they were all sprawled in his apartment. Dean's wasn't really conducive to getting acquainted—it was too small and too dirty. Note's was marginally cleaner, but that was only because he had room to spread his junk around.

"I'd like to know too, Ed." Ed looked over at Luna, who had her Spectrespecs dangling around her neck and a yogurt spoon dangling from her mouth. Ed felt his insides start to melt the same way they always did when Al tried to sneak a kitten home. He sighed. He really should have let Al keep at least one.

"I transmutated myself here."

Silence, broken by Tom. "You're kidding, right?"

Ed shook his head.

Tom whistled.

Note seemed puzzled. "But why? From all of what I've heard, your world seemed fine. A little war-torn, but then so is this one. Why did you want to come here?"

Ed looked away from the quizzical looks. "I didn't want to come here. I didn't even know where I was going. But I had to…um…get out of my world."

"Why?" asked Note.

Ed looked at him, stone faced. "That's really none of your business."

"But it might help! Every detail is crucial when trying to construct an inter-world portal!"

"I think you should drop it," said Luna. Which surprised everyone, including Ed. She was the only one he had told his entire story to, and evidently she understood that she needed to keep that confidential. Ed felt suddenly grateful to whatever had landed him in Luna's mother's cemetery.

"Why didn't you just transmutate yourself back, then?" asked Charlotte.

"Transmutation doesn't work the same here. I have to use this powder, and there's interference from your magic. I would need a completely different circle to account for all the differences, and I don't know where to start."

Dean placed the pictures they had found in front of the members of the Office of Passage. "We think if we can find some Crumple-Horned Snorkacks they might be able to help. We found these in relation to them and we think that if we find enough things like this we may be able put them together and create a different transmutation circle in order to get Ed home."

Note looked at the pictures. "This is really good stuff, guys."

Dean nodded. "The only problem is we don't know exactly what and how to put them together. If we could find the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks they would be able to tell us, but we don't know where to find them."

"Hmm." Note rubbed his chin. He looked at his coworkers. "Do we have any leads on their location?"

"No, sir," replied Charlotte. "There were a few leads a while back in relation to the Bermuda Triangle, but nothing substantial was ever discovered."

"Yeah, I remember that."

"The Bermuda Triangle?" Dean interjected.

Bill nodded. "We think there might be a portal of some sort there—you know, people and things keep disappearing. We sent a recon crew there a few years back but they came up with nothing."

Ed glanced at him. "A recon crew? There are more of you?"

Tom rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding? We're the laughing stock of the entire Ministry of Magic. No one wants to work in the Office of Passage unless they've had some sort of experience with different worlds."

"You've all had experience with other worlds?"

Note shrugged. "More or less. Charlotte's father was the previous head of the Office. I got stuck Between Apparating and found out a few things there that sparked my interest. Bill is muggle-born and has always enjoyed reading fantasy books, which apply directly to this line of work. Tom comes from a family of dream interpreters, which is crucial to our success."

Ed tried to look like he understood what Note was talking about.

Dean didn't really even try. "So I kind of get why fantasy books apply, but dreams? What does that have to do with anything? And the darkness Between Apparating?"

Note smiled. Ed was beginning to notice that whenever Note smiled, he felt stupid. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. "Everything comes from alternate universes. Dreams, imagination, ideas—they reach our minds through tiny channels into other worlds that leak into ours constantly. Every book tells one of their stories. When the mind is sleeping, pieces of parallel worlds can reach into our minds easier. That's why most dreams are so random. A dream interpreter can put those pieces together."

Ed was starting to understand. "So where do Crumple-Horned Snorkacks fit into all of this?"

"They are the universe hoppers. They have every piece to every puzzle in every universe. They could definitely send you home."

"And that's why we're trying to find them!" shouted Luna. Everyone jumped and looked at her. She twirled around with her hand over her head. Suddenly Luna leaped straight up with a yell, making everyone else jump again, and pointed in a random direction. "Let's go that way!"

And Ed found himself grabbed rather painfully by the arm and marched off to discover the strange world of wizards, Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, and Luna Lovegood.

Hopefully he could keep his sanity intact.

It wasn't likely.

* * *

This was kind of an explanation chapter as well, but the plot is getting going again! I'm going to be progressing the plot a little more next chapter. Yay!

Thanks for all the reviews! I love you all!

churu

PS. Cheesecake ice cream is even better than chocolate-almond-caramel. Just so you know.


	15. When Meeting a Gredfilzing Noddingromp

Chapter 15—When meeting a Gredfilzing Noddingromp

Ed's sanity was saved, however, by the fact that no one really knew what they were doing, where they were going, or how they were going to do it.

"We're looking for Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, we're starting at the lab to ask Rosa if my mother left behind any instructions on how to find them, and…um…then we're going to follow those instructions!" Luna explained with gusto.

Thus, with harmonious grumbles from Dean's and Ed's stomachs, they made their way to Note's balcony, whereon lay six broomsticks. Ed did some quick mental math.

"So…who gets to ride with someone else?"

"Luna can ride with me," said Dean in an off-hand manner. Ed couldn't really make their relationship out. He was pretty sure they knew each other from school, but after that he had no idea. Most of the time he got the vibe that Luna bothered Dean. But it wasn't quite like that, either. It was something he couldn't put his finger on. Al had always told him he wasn't the most perceptive.

Whatever. It was probably nothing. Maybe his dad owed her dad money or something.

Note shook his head in response to Dean. "We should probably have the smallest people ride together."

"That would be me and Ed!" shouted Luna.

Dean snorted behind his hand as Ed looked at Luna incredulously. "Dude, I think she just called you short."

Ed sighed. "Uh huh. But she doesn't even realize it so I can't get mad at her."

"So if I accidentally refer to your lack of height, you wouldn't get mad at me?"

"You would never accidentally refer to my—hey!"

"Got you."

"Shut up."

Ed angrily got on his and Luna's broom. Honestly, what were wizards thinking when they thought of these things? It was only his second time riding on one, and the first time he had barely made it to Dean's apartment alive.

"Up and away!" shouted Note, and they all pushed off to fly into a glorious sunrise.

Or, it would have been glorious had the weather not been atrociously cloudy, rainy, and cold.

Ed held tightly onto Luna's waist with slippery fingers and looked toward the clouds. It was almost hard to believe he had only come to this world a week and a half previously.

"We're going to fly above the clouds so we don't get so wet!" shouted Note.

_Too late,_ thought Ed. His grip tightened on Luna as they flew up over a cloud.

_Al would have loved this_. He took a hand from Luna's waist and shielded his eyes to look over the yellow- and gold-tinted clouds at the newly visible sun.

"Hey, Luna!" Ed had to shout to be heard over the rushing of the wind.

"What?"

"What's that black speck over there?"

Luna peered over her shoulder and the broom tipped dangerously. "I don't know!"

Dean swooped over to fly beside them. "What's up?"

"What's that black thing?"

He looked over. Ed noticed that his broom stayed level. "Probably just an airplane."

Ed looked back over at it. "Airplanes are machines, right?"

"Yeah, muggle ones."

"So how come the wings are flapping?"

Dean squinted into the sun. "Huh. Maybe a bird?"

"It could be a Gredfilzing Noddingromp," stated Luna. "They're really rare and have been known to imitate unidentified flying objects."

"That's not a UFO, Luna."

"I don't know, Dean." Ed grinned at him. "We don't know what it is, it's flying, and it's definitely some sort of object."

"Clever, Ed. Ten points for originality."

Note pulled back on his broomstick and the others fell in beside them. "What's going on?"

"See that black thing over there?"

Note squinted. "Huh. That's odd."

Ed peered back at it. "Hey, look. There are smaller black things surrounding it."

Bill dug his wand from his sleeve. "Charlotte, what's the spell to make you able to see farther?"

" 'Arimaquel.'"

"_Arimaquel_." The others watched as Bill quickly scanned the on-coming black specks. Ed's stomach sunk just as fast as all the color draining from Bill's face.

"Well?" Note was not very patient.

"Um…well…I don't really know how to say this…"

"Spit it out, Bill!"

"…You know those rogue dementors that the Ministry has been trying to round up?"

Ed watched as every wizards' eyes grew wide. "What about them?" asked Note. His voice shook.

"Well, they've been round up. By a dragon. And they're coming straight for us."

There was a moment of silence as they took in the gravity of the situation.

"Wait. Aren't Dementors those things that suck out people's souls?" Ed vaguely remembered Luna mentioning them.

"Yes, Ed." Dean's normally dark face was an unusual shade of green.

"And I suppose dragons really exist, then."

"Yes."

"Huh."

"Um…Note? What do we do now?" Ed could see Dean's hands shaking on his broomstick. He looked at Note. The older man wasn't faring too well.

_Great. Trust a wizard leader to freeze in an emergency._

Ed glanced back at the black specks that weren't really black specks anymore. _Wow. Those things can move fast. _Ed looked back at Note, who still looked like he had had the entire world thrust upon his shoulders and had no idea what to do with it. Luckily for the entire group, Ed was very practiced in perilous situations.

"Down!" he shouted, getting everyone's attention, while shoving Luna's head forward, effectively forcing the broom to move downward. "We'll hide in the clouds!"

Charlotte was the first to react, and she quickly dropped her broom a few yards. "That'll work for now, Ed, but the Dementors will be able to sense us!"

Ed swore. Perfect. "Note! Is there any place we can hide on the ground? Maybe back at your place?"

Note seemed to rediscover his leadership skills as he pulled up beside Luna's and Ed's broomstick. "We'd have to go toward them to get back to my place. We're about half-way to the lab now—it should have anti-Dementor spells on it, right Luna?"

Luna shook her head slowly. "Ed destroyed those when he was practicing alchemy."

Ed had a brief flashback of creating a rather monstrous pillar and kicked himself. Mentally, of course. It was rather difficult to kick himself while riding on a broomstick.

Note scratched his chin. "Then that leaves…your house?"

"We haven't put them back up since it was destroyed last year."

"What about the Weasley's?" Tom interjected.

"Weasley's it is, then," decided Charlotte. She tucked her broom into a dive and took off.

"Wait! What happened to me making the decisions!?" shouted Note at her rapidly disappearing back.

Bill _tsk_ed and shook his head as the rest of them followed Charlotte. "She's a woman, Note. They _always_ make the decisions."

Note grumbled intelligibly.

"Just wait until you're married. Then you'll know what I'm talking about."

Ed could hardly feel the freezing rain stinging as it hit his face. He grabbed Luna's waist more tightly as they fell in behind Bill and Note with Tom bringing up the rear. The air grew even colder, and suddenly Ed couldn't breathe.

"Luna…"

He was drowning. The rain-soaked clouds crept around the edges of his vision, soaking through his skin and fogging his mind.

"Luna…what…"

He couldn't see. He couldn't feel. There was a salty taste in his mouth, and Ed realized he was crying. The sound of the wind faded away until all that was left was the scream of a little boy crying for help from his older brother.

"…Al."

It was blessed relief when he finally let go of consciousness—of Luna—slipped off the broomstick, and plummeted through the rain toward the ground below.

*

_There were clouds. Lots of them. Ed reached out a finger and pushed a creeping tendril away. It was soft, like a kitten's fur. Impossible. Clouds were just accumulations of condensed water formed around small particles of dust. They were wet, not soft._

"_That's because they aren't clouds."_

_It was almost as though he was expecting the voice. Ed turned slowly, and there in front of him was—_

"_A pig?"_

_The pig chuckled. "Not _a _pig. _The_ Pig. The _Transcendent _Pig. I've been looking for you." The Pig paused. "Though, in all actuality, I _am_ looking for you, as well."_

"_Me?"_

"_Yes, you, Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist."_

"_You know me?"_

"_Of course. I _am_ transcendent, you know."_

_Ed looked around. "Where are we?"_

"_I believe a better question would be where are _you_, for I am everywhere and everywhen and nowhere and nowhen and it might take a little too long to discuss the exact arrangement of those places with a time- and location-laden person like yourself."_

_The Pig was rather full of himself, Ed decided._

"_What is this place, then?"_

"_An altogether more excellent question, though one I'm afraid I will not answer."_

_Ed sighed and crossed his arms. "What can I ask, then?"_

"_Anything, but I choose to answer or not answer." As an afterthought, the Pig added, "But don't ask me about the meaning of life."_

_Ed shrugged. He didn't really care about the meaning of life. A sudden thought came to him. "How do I get back to my world?"_

"_Your _universe_, Edward Elric. There is a difference, you know."_

"_Whatever. How do I get back?"_

"_The answer lies with you."_

"_That's a ridiculous answer."_

_The Pig smiled. "It is the only one I can give."_

"_Fine. Then where are the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks?"_

_The Pig cocked his head. "Why, you know already. You are wasting your questions."_

"_You haven't answered any of my questions yet! And what do you mean, wasting questions?"_

"_You will ask three more questions."_

_Ed thought quickly. How could he get the most information out of this Pig without wasting questions? And what did he really want to know?_

"_Al?"_

_The Pig smiled again. "Yes."_

"_That doesn't answer my question."_

"_If you think about it, it does. Besides, a one-worded question deserves a one-worded answer, don't you think?"_

_Ed pondered for a moment. Everything about Al—did he have his body back? Was he eating right? Was he being looked after? Was he happy?—all could be answered with 'yes'. "I guess it does answer my question. Then next…_

"_Am I dead?"_

_The Pig laughed. "Yes. And no. You forget that I am the Transcendent Pig. You are dying, you are being born, you are in Amestris, you are in England—all now, all here. This is _you_, Edward Elric. I am merely watching. You must discover for yourself what and where and when you are."_

_The Pig turned his head slightly to glance behind him. "And now you are being called. It is pleasant chatting with you, Edward Elric."_

"_Wait—what about my third question?"_

_The Pig laughed. "That _is_ three, Edward Elric." And It was gone._

"Ed!"

_He looked up. The soft clouds caressed his face._

"Ed!"

_He wiped a particularly fluffy one away from his eyes and felt wetness._

"Ed!"

_That's right. He had been crying. Crying and…_

*

Falling!

"Ed!"

"Luna!"

Ed reached up to the small scared girl rushing toward him on a broomstick. A few yards more—a few feet—a few inches—

She was lying flat on her broom, arm extended as far as she could reach. Ed strained his arm a little farther. Their fingers met and Luna dragged him onto the front of the broomstick, facing her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and Ed could tell she was crying. He put a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you."

"Ed! Luna!" Ed turned to see Dean speeding toward them.

"It's okay! We're alright!" Ed waved at him, but Dean didn't slow down. He shouted something that Ed didn't quite catch.

Ed didn't need to see Dean's dark eyes widen to know that something was very wrong. Ed felt a chill creep up his spine that had nothing to do with the weather.

The meaning of Dean's words suddenly became quite clear.

"Behind you!"

* * *

Was the Transcendent Pig too much? While I was writing it, I couldn't decide, so I just left it in. I've been kind of mentioning things from other books and anime and things like that, so I thought it was okay, but now I'm not so sure. Meh. Whatever. It's from the Young Wizard books, just in case you were wondering.

Hopefully this chapter was better than the last few! More action, maybe? They actually moved! And we've got the homonculus with the Dementors again! Yay! This whole story is kind of random. Oh well. It's Fanfiction. It's supposed to be random.

...right?

Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews! I've almost got 300! That is sooooooooooooo amazing!

Thanks again!

churu

PS. Muahahahaha. Cliff-hangers are so much fun to write!

PPS. I've posted the cracky Chapter 14 under Anime Misc. If you want to read it, go ahead. Don't judge too harshly! ;P


	16. Setting up a Proper Patronus Charm

Chapter 16—Setting up a proper Patronus Charm

Ed had the strange sensation of being slammed into by many things at once. Luna's forehead was jammed into his chin (or was it the other way around?), something had latched onto her end of the broomstick (effectively shoving it upward—very uncomfortable), and Dean had grabbed onto the both of them.

"Hold on!" he shouted, dragging them free of their broom onto his own. They were too heavy and the broom started losing altitude, swirling through the air toward the ground below. They had hardly gotten clear when a sickening _crunch_ told them that Ed's and Luna's broomstick had been destroyed. Flinching against a shower of splinters, Ed glanced up to see what Dean had saved them from.

The dragon was shaking splinters from its mouth. The persistent rain fell on its bronze scales and immediately enveloped it in a cloud of steam. Ed's eyes widened as he watched it rear back. A bright purple flame burst from its mouth with a shriek that sent shudders up and down Ed's spine.

"That's…not…natural," he whispered mostly to himself. The others wouldn't be able to hear over the roar of the wind.

Ed heard Dean swear and tore his eyes away from the monster above them. A black thing…more than one…moving toward them…it was growing cold…

Ed could feel unconsciousness creeping up on him again. Al was screaming in the back of his mind. Bad memories flooded his vision. He could feel Dean moving, doing something.

"_Expecto patrunum!"_ bellowed Dean. Ed vaguely saw a silver shadow erupt from the tip of Dean's wand, and suddenly everything was clear again.

"Luna, come on! You do it too!" Dean seemed to be directing the silver shadow with his wand.

Luna grabbed her wand from her sleeve and yelled the same thing Dean had. Another silver shadow burst from her wand and charged the dementors. The dementors flew in a wide arc as the shadows chased them. Ed judged their path.

"Dean! They're heading for the dragon!"

Dean swore again. "Luna, cut them off!"

"There are too many of them! I can't…I can't…"

"NO! Luna, concentrate! Your Patronus is going to--!"

Ed watched in horror as one of their two protectors vanished, giving the dementors a clear shot at the dragon. Luna was trying to produce another Patronus.

"_Expecto patronum! Expecto patronum. Expecto…"_ Each spell brought only a poof of silver smoke. Without the help, Dean couldn't keep two of the dementors from reaching the dragon. The three froze, Dean's Patronus disappeared, and Luna's spell died on her lips as they watched.

"It…shouldn't be able…to do that…" whispered Dean.

The dragon had seized the dementors and _molded_ them into its body. Its skin bulged and shuddered, bubbling like its blood was boiling. Purple fire shot from its mouth. The bronze scales flashed black and red and gold before settling.

"It just got bigger, didn't it."

The dementors seemed excited, swooping around the dragon like giant wing-less vultures. The dragon looked down at them and grinned.

"Dean…Dean…let's go…." Luna said, knuckles white around her wand.

"But the broom…" They were still falling, and with the extra weight there would be no way for them to move forward. The dragon seemed to know this, and lazily tucked itself into a dive. It knew it had them.

_Where are those ministry officials when you need them?_ Ed looked at the ground, then at the dragon, then at the ground again. What they needed was more time, and to get that they needed more protection, and to get that they could…

"Luna! Do that silver shadow spell again!"

"Ed, it's not going to help! Patronus charms don't work on dragons!"

"Do it, Luna!" Dean pointed his wand at the trees. "I'll get us down safely, you do whatever he's planning! Just think of a happy thought!"

Luna's eyes were as big as saucers. "_Expecto patronum._" There was only a small flash of silver smoke.

_Happy thought, happy thought…_ Ed racked his brain for something that would make her happy. It suddenly struck him what he was doing and he briefly mused over the fact that he was using happiness, not science, to fight an enemy. Wizards. Weirdos. Wait!

Ed grabbed the sides of Luna's face and put his forehead on hers. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Ed…what are you…?"

"I'm your best friend, Luna!" Ed yelled it, hoping she would remember the night she had showed him her tree house. Surely that was a happy memory? "I'm your friend!"

Ed felt Luna straighten a little. He opened his eyes. She was smiling. "_Expecto patronum_," she whispered. A silver shadow burst from the tip of her wand and hovered over her head, awaiting orders. Ed grinned and for the first time realized that it was in the shape of a hare.

"Guys?" Dean's voice sounded a little choked, like he was just barely controlling himself. "I hate to break up the little friend-fest, but THAT THING IS STILL COMING!"

"Not for long," said Ed. He clapped his hands. "Hold that thing still, Luna!" He shoved his hands inside the Patronus.

It seemed as though all sound was sucked into the small ball of blue light hovering around Ed's fingertips. Complete silence reigned for a single eternal moment before exploding from Luna's throat, a pain-ridden shriek that pierced the clouds above them. Ed tried to pull his hands free from the Patronus, tried to stop Luna's screaming, but his hand wouldn't move.

"ED!" bellowed Dean behind him. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

"I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't—" Ed could hear his voice rising higher as he tried harder to pull his hands from the Patronus and make Luna stop screaming. Lightning surrounded his hands, lacing between his fingers and around the hare. Luna's shriek grew louder and Dean stopped trying to steady the broom. He wrapped his arms around the tiny girl.

"Ed, stop it now! You're hurting her!"

"I can't get my hands out! They're not coming out!" Luna's scream was almost hidden by the triumphant cry of the dragon above them. Ed braced suddenly felt completely helpless. He was hurting Luna, he couldn't save them, they were all going to die, it didn't matter, he would never see Winry or Alphonse or Granny Pinako or even Mustang or Riza or anyone ever again…he closed his eyes, bracing for the impact.

And suddenly he could move his fingers. Ed jerked back, and the lightning that had been covering his hands staying in the Patronus, splintering the hare into millions of tiny shards, covering the sky above the three on the broomstick, piercing the sky and the air around them. Ed shielded his eyes as the shards rushed past him. He looked around. Dean was covering Luna's head with his arms, and above them, covering the sky between them and the dragon and the dementors, was a giant net of blue lightning cris-crossing between the shards of patronus. The dragon shrieked, Luna screamed, and the broomstick plummeted to the ground.

Dean toppled off the broom onto the forest floor. Ed collapsed on the dirt, trying to rid his mind of the memory of Luna's cry. Suddenly Ed found himself lifted off the ground, feet dangling uselessly. His eyes met Dean's.

"If…you…_ever_…hurt…Luna…again...I…will…_kill_…you." With every deadly quiet word Dean's hands tightened on the collar of Ed's coat. "Do…you…understand?"

Ed nodded wordlessly. He knew he had been more frightened before, but it was difficult to think of a time. Dean set him down and then ran to Luna's side where she lay in the dead wet leaves. "Is she…?"

"She's fainted," said Dean tersely.

Ed looked at the two of them. Dean's shoulders shook slightly, Luna was motionless. "Um…"

"What?"

Ed shut his mouth, opened it, closed it, then opened it again. But he could say nothing. Dean lifted Luna into his arms, then slowly rose, cradling her softly against his chest. She groaned a little.

"Luna?"

"Dean…" Luna's eyes opened slightly. "I feel awful." Dean tightened his grip.

"Do you think you can walk?"

"…I…don't think so."

Dean glanced up through the Patronus-strewn sky at the dragon attacking the net. Ed waited on tenterhooks for him to say something.

"With that thing attacking it, the net's not going to hold forever."

"Mm." Ed waited for him to say something else, but he just walked off into the forest. Ed scampered after him, grabbing the broomstick as he followed.

_Crap. I've messed up big time._

The walk was mostly silent, interspersed with Luna's moans whenever the dragon hit the net particularly hard. Ed could see Dean's jaw clench whenever she groaned. Each tiny, painful sound from her lips seemed to shove a thousand knives deeper into his gut.

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know it would…_

But even his words seemed hollow to him.

"Ed." Ed turned his head so fast he strained his neck.

"Um, yes?" Ed replied in a pathetically tiny voice.

"I don't want that thing following us to the Weasley's house. I'm going to cast a Chameleon spell. Come over here."

"Um, yes." Still pathetically tiny.

"_Camela cambio._" Ed had a peculiar sensation of suddenly finding his arms and legs see-through.

"You'd better hold onto my belt."

Ed nodded and did as he was told.

"How fast can you a shorty like you run?"

And all was not well, but it was a little better than before. The sense of relief was so overwhelming that Ed almost forgot to choke out, "Just as fast as you can, and don't call me short."

There was a large sizzling crash, and Luna whimpered. The two boys looked up. The dragon had somehow shoved its nose through the net, but seemed to be in great pain.

"Crap."

Dean took off running. Ed was briefly surprised how fast he could run while carrying another person, but the surprise quickly turned into determination to keep up. Ed's legs moved twice as fast as Dean's.

_How fast can he run if he's not carrying someone?_

The dragon shrieked behind them, and Ed chanced a glance back. Its head was through the net!

"Dean!"

"I know, I know!"

Dean put on an extra burst of speed. Ed's lungs were burning, his legs throbbed, his breath came in short gasps.

"De—gasp—n!"

"If you can't keep up, I'm leaving you behind!"

"No—look—above us—Note!"

"Where?" Dean stopped and Ed plowed straight into him. Ed pointed. Dean shoved Luna into Ed's arms and frantically grabbed his wand and started shooting up red sparks.

"Hey Luna."

"Hey Ed." She weakly wrinkled her nose—a rain drop from his bangs had hit her in the face.

Ed shifted so he could tuck his hair behind his ear. "You're kinda light."

"Mm."

"Um…"

"It's okay."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Oi! Take off the chameleon!" Note had pulled into a dive. Dean's wand hit Ed's head with more force than necessary.

"Give me Luna and the broom!" Ed handed both to Dean, who leaped on the broom and took off.

"Wait! What about m—oof!" The wind was knocked out of his lungs as Note swooped in from behind and dragged Ed onto his broomstick. He looked up at the net. "Nice little bit of alchemy there, Fullmetal."

Looking at the ground below, Ed murmured, "…sure."

Ed could feel Note's eyes on him, measuring his response. "Well, I don't know about you, but I for one don't really feel like being eaten by a dragon today." They flew up over the trees and Ed saw a few dark specks that were probably the other wizards. "It'd probably be especially dangerous for you. They tend to go for those they can down in a single bite."

Ed's reply was cut off by a large sizzling crash. He looked up. The dragon had somehow shoved its shoulder through the net, but seemed to be in great pain. Note's sudden acceleration took his breath away.

"That thing's not going to hold forever! To the Weasley's house!"

* * *

"I beg your pardon?"

Ed, Dean, Charlotte, and Tom exchanged glances. Convincing the Weasleys to shelter them for a time was clearly not going well. Note had asked Bill to ask with him, hoping that Bill's wife's friendship with Mrs. Weasley would help their cause a little, but it seemed to have little effect. Ed could feel multiple pairs of eyes boring into him from behind the chubby woman. He leaned on Note's broomstick and sighed. They shouldn't have come here, it was useless to ask these people for help, they were much too suspicious of him to help.

"Please, Molly. I wouldn't ask unless the situation was desperate."

"What exactly is this situation!? Does Xenophilius know his daughter is injured!? Why did you come here instead of taking Luna straight home?!"

"Luna's house doesn't have anti-Dementor spells like this one!"

"Anti-Dementor spells?! That's all this is about? I'll help Luna, but--!"

"Please, Molly!"

The short woman continued undeterred."—but I don't want that boy in my house! He destroyed the guest room with that Exploding Curse and caused Arthur a great deal of trouble at work! Pecksniff blamed the whole ordeal on Arthur's negligence in spelling the chains!"

"Pecksniff is a moron, Molly. You know that!" Bill's voice rose a few decibels. "Please, Molly. We need shelter!"

"And that's another thing! You come here expecting us to just be able to take you in with very little explanation as to what exactly is going on! We have children here, and the only thing you've told me is that you're being chased by rogue dementors and a dragon! A dragon of all things! And one that breathes purple flames?! I'm not an idiot, Bill! There are no purple-fire-breathing dragons! My son works with dragons, or did you forget!"

Ed sighed. They were getting nowhere. Time to use a skill he had picked up from Al. He shoved his broom into Tom's hands and stomped up to the doorway. He could feel every eye in the house—and outside it—focused on him. Slowly, deliberately, he lowered his head in a humble bow. "Mrs. Weasley, I am very sorry for all the trouble I've caused. I realize there is very little I can say that could make you trust me, but from the bottom of my heart I beg your forgiveness for the problems I have created for your family and friends." That's right. Okay, clasp hands, shake them a little. The rain is perfect—it makes him look even more pathetic! "I am truly sorry for destroying your beautiful home." Would a tear be too much? Probably. Alright then, maybe a penitent glance up at her? Perfect, she's falling for it. "I sincerely regret causing such damage to the people that showed me such kindness after I came here confused, grief-stricken, and alone."

"…Grief-stricken?" Mrs. Weasley's voice was soft and tender. Ed looked up through his bangs at her, unshed tears shimmering in his eyes. She was playing right into his hands—now time for the trump card!

"My mother was a…wonderful person," he said softly, slightly accenting the past tense, choking out the last few words. Hide eyes behind bangs, tighten hands…wait for it…and now! Stand up straight, look strong, defiant—but keep those eyes as big as possible! "Please, help us!"

Mrs. Weasley looked tearful. Older women always fell for the 'I'm just acting strong because I'm a boy but really I'm hurting inside' routine. Ed ignored the skeptical look he was getting from Harry and the incredulous glance Note gave him. He kept his defiant look firmly focused in Mrs. Weasley's direction.

"I suppose you could come in…"

Ah, sweet victory.

"Thank you Molly. We'll make sure you're compensated."

"Oh, nonsense, Howard. I suppose it's the least I could do. We've got to get Luna lying down."

Dean moved forward with the girl in his arms toward the door. Suddenly, a loud _crack_ resounded throughout the yard and surrounding forest and Luna shrieked.

"What the--!"

Shards of blue light raced across the ominous sky leaving blue lightning trails in their wake. Luna's scream went on and on and on, and Ed found his legs moving of their own accord toward the pain-ridden girl. Dean knelt on the ground, holding Luna close. Ed could see his wide brown eyes and knew he was frightened. The blue shards zig-zagged across the sky moving toward them, then suddenly they came together in a single mass of blue light. They sped up, moving faster and faster and faster until they stopped, hovering a thousand feet above Dean's head.

It was quiet.

Ed reached Luna and Dean and touched the suddenly still girl's shoulder. Blue lightning crackled from the touch, but Ed couldn't pull his hand away. Luna screamed, long and loud. There was a massive sucking noise, and the blue hovering mass was pulled toward them. Ed had a glimpse of long ears and a fluffy tail before it disappeared just above Luna's heart. Luna's mouth closed, but the shriek went on.

"Dean! Get her out of there!" Ed looked back at Note and Bill, over at Charlotte and Tom, down at Dean and Luna, and finally up, where his gaze met that of a triumphantly shrieking dragon surrounded by a legion of soul-suckers.

"Go Dean!" Ed dragged Dean to his feet with Luna and shoved him toward the Weasley's house. "Protect her!" Tom and Charlotte moved toward him, but the Dementors were already at the edge of the barrier, the dragon hovering just above them. The shouts of multiple wizards fell on deaf ears as Ed clapped his hands.

The alchemy was useless, however, because it was not used. Ed's powder-covered hands fell limply at his sides as another hand grabbed the front of his red coat. A fleshy hand. From above. Connected to a long, long arm. Ed's eyes widened as the arm contracted, bringing a human with black eyes close to his face.

"No…" whispered Ed as he looked into the familiar face. The rain running down his face was cold, but that was nothing compared to the chill settling in his stomach.

"Hello, little alchemist." The Homunculus grinned, and Ed knew his face revealed what he was thinking.

Ed felt sick. Scared. Horrified. But nothing, not even looking at the big eyes and pale blonde hair in front of him, nothing could compare to the fear he felt when from behind him in the shelter of Dean's arms Luna whispered a single, terrifying word.

"Mum?"

* * *

Soooooooo, how many of you were expecting that? Heehee....I'm so evil. But, hey! It's got a semi-plot now!!! I really was just kind of going in circles....If I ever decide to go and edit this thing I think I might just pull out a bunch of the more pointless chapters.

This update is dedicated to everyone who has reviewed thus far, thank you sooooooooooo much! I love getting reviews! It totally makes my day!

I think this chapter is a little longer than some of the others. That works, though, because in two weeks I have finals and won't be updating during Christmas because I'M GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited! I love going home to see my family! I'm going to school about 1300 miles away from them, so I don't get to see them at all during the school year except at Christmas. Meh. I miss my dog.

churu

PS. It has recently come to my attention that I have never put a disclaimer on this story at all. Is that really necessary? I mean, this is FANfiction. Do we really need to put one on there? Whatever. I don't own FMA or HP or this computer, actually. If you want to sue me, just don't take my O-Chem textbook. I need that. Though it probably is the most expensive thing I own...


	17. The Importance of Seven

Chapter 17—The Importance of Seven

Luna's big eyes, Luna's hair, Luna's nose—Ed could barely breathe. Luna was behind him, but this person—this _thing_—that was holding him…

…was Luna's mother?

Luna's face, no, Luna's _mother's_ face swam in front of his eyes. This couldn't be possible. No. No.

"No!"

"Oh, yes, little alchemist." The cruel chuckle cut off his defiant shout. Ed vaguely noticed a giant stag keeping the Dementors at bay as the homunculus's face contorted into a wide unnatural grin. "Now, what to do with you…" She grinned wider, revealing pointed teeth. A long tongue reached out and stroked his cheek. Ed shuddered and the homunculus's smile grew even bigger. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

"I've always found it so much more gratifying to play with my food before I eat it."

Ed found himself flung through the air. Years of combat training with Al kicked in and he quickly spotted the ground and flipped to land on his feet, one hand out for balance. Before he could fully recover, Luna's mother—no, the homunculus—had grabbed his outstretched arm and tossed him thirty yards in the opposite direction. Ed swore. Neither of his arms were meant to be wrenched around like that, and he could feel a dull pain around his shoulder. He didn't want to give that monster enough time to grab him again. He clapped his hands, landed on his feet, looked up to locate his target, and found himself looking into ten rows of sharp teeth. He was too late, there wasn't enough time, he couldn't—

"_STUPEFY!!!!_"

A beam of light struck the Homunculus in the jaw, punching her head to the side with a sickening crunch of neckbones. The monster collapsed in a broken heap. Ed didn't look to see who had sent the shot, just leaped toward the Weasley's house. He saw Harry Potter standing with his wand outstretched and a mildly triumphant look on his face. The black haired boy grinned at him.

"That wasn't so hard."

Ed didn't waste time to roll his eyes. These people had obviously never dealt with a homunculus before. He clapped and transmutated a wall between them and the Homunculus. He could feel a jarring pain in both of his shoulders. "That's not going to hold it for long. We need to get out of here fast." Ed didn't look at Luna. He didn't think he could stand seeing her face at the moment.

"Ed." Note stepped forward. "What was that thing?"

"No time." He looked at the wizards. He was actually a little surprised to see their expressions. Where he expected to see distrust and fear he instead saw a grim determination and a willingness to listen. Maybe they had a chance of survival. "We need to leave _now._ What's the fastest way to travel?"

"Apparation," replied Mr. Weasley. "But—"

"Then that's what we'll do."

"No, we can't."

Ed looked at Mr. Weasley. "I'm sorry, but I've dealt with these sorts of things before. We can't fight it the way we are now. Harry broke its neck, but those things can't die like us. They're not human and they don't have souls so they don't feel anything about except enjoyment."

Mr. Weasley glanced at his wife and broke into Ed's tirade. "I'm not trying to undermine your authority on the matter, Ed, but we can't Apparate with a child that's younger than a year."

Ed fished for something to say for a moment and settled for a word said child probably wouldn't learn the meaning of for at least a decade or so.

Which saved him a bit of time, because he didn't have to think up a new one to say when the Homunculus shoved a long arm through his wall. It had lasted for less time than he had expected. "Listen, we need to go NOW! I don't care how it happens, we just need to go!" The Homunculus's arm bent in multiple places and started grabbing at the dirt that Ed had solidified to form the wall. The wizards' fear was evident on their faces, but Ed had to give them credit: each wizard drew a wand and in their eyes he could see a determination not to go down without a fight.

Which was all well and good, but homunculi were things better run and hidden from and plotted against rather than fighting head on in a battle on their terms. Ed was just about to explain this (with many profanities and irritated waving of his arms) when Note shoved a tuning fork under his nose.

"Um, what?"

Note rolled his eyes in a very Roy-esque manner and grabbed the Fullmetal Alchemist's hand, turned it over, and placed the tuning fork in it. "When I say 'now', hit the fork." Note then preceded to give a larger one to Luna and an even bigger one to Dean. The fact that he received the smallest one was not lost on Ed, though he chose to ignore it momentarily. Besides, nobody, judging by the looks on their faces, except the members of the Office of Passage (who each held a tuning fork of various size in their hands) knew what was going on.

"Buy us a little bit more time," said Note to Ed. He waved his wand, and there appeared a hunk of steel the size of a small car. Ed's hands shook. Steel. _From thin air_. He had thought he was getting used to wizardry, but this was a bit much. Every single thing he had ever learned about the Law of Equivalent Exchange raced through his mind. He froze. The Homunculus ripping through solid rock faded into oblivion. Note grabbed his chin and turned his face so that their eyes met. Even Ed's shock at the creation of the steel from thin air seemed to disappear.

Notes eyes were like looking into the gaping jaws of the Gate. Ed could see Truth there. It wasn't the same Truth that he had seen; it was something different, something much deeper. Ed was stunned silent. As Note spoke his voice reverberated through Ed's bones; his words seemed to come from every direction at once. "Fullmetal Alchemist. You do alchemy. We do wizardry. We do not follow the same laws you do." The intensity in his voice faded and Ed could breathe again. "Now Luna is going to perform a shielding spell, and you're going to work with this steel and make it stronger.

"Now go!"

Ed whirled around and crouched. He glanced at Luna, who was getting a similar speech from Charlotte. Ed grinned at Luna when she met his eyes. Together, perfectly in time, Ed lept to the steel as Luna shouted a thunderous "_Protego!"_

The steel burst into light as Ed's palms made contact. Tendrils of lightning rocketed to the sky where they held small shards of metal directly above Ed's head. Then, just as quickly as they had risen, the shards dropped to the ground to form a dome around the wizards and the house.

"Every one get inside," instructed Note calmly as Ed's original wall broke, revealing the very annoyed face of Luna's mother. His tone made even the Weasleys obey him. They proceded quickly to the kitchen where everyone stood dripping on the floor.

Note pulled out an old notebook with various bits of parchment stuck in it and opened to a page in the middle. "Alright, everyone with a tuning fork hold them up. Stand in a circle—no, Ed, switch with Tom. And Luna you need to go here…" Note pushed around Ed, Luna, Dean, Tom, Charlotte, and Bill until he had them where he wanted them.

"Um…" said Mr. Weasley.

His almost-comment received only a condescending look from Note, and he was quickly silent. Ed smirked and tried to look like he knew what he was doing while holding a teeny tuning fork like it contained the answers to the universe.

"Bill, you've got the bag?" Bill nodded and held up a small brown cloth pouch that looked centuries old. The drawstring was white leather, but even that didn't make the bag look at all special. Bill held the bag as Charlotte gently opened it and withdrew its contents. She reverently placed it in the center of the circle and then retook her place in the circle. Ed peered at the object they were standing around.

"Um…" said Ed.

"Um…" echoed Dean.

"Oh!" exclaimed Luna.

"It's _hair_," said Ron, who seemed to be unable to keep silent any longer.

Hermione suddenly gasped. Ed could almost hear the 'click' in her mind as she put everything together. He was glad she could do it, because he was absolutely clueless. "There's no _way_ you're going to attempt _that_!"

Note paused as he read through the page on his book again. "What do you mean?"

"Yes, what do you mean?" asked Mr. Weasley. His expression of befuddled dread mirrored that of every other person in the room.

"You're going to try to sing the Seven Songs!"

Luna giggled, the wizards gasped, and Ed and Dean exchanged equally confused looks. Ed was at least relieved that the other wizards around his age looked like they understood just about as much of that as he did.

"That's impossible!" Mr. Weasley eyed the hunk of hair on his kitchen floor like one would eye a hunk of hair on their kitchen floor. Probably a carnivorous one.

"Not really," said Note as he turned back to his book.

"But the ancient texts were lost ages ago! They've reached such a mystical status among runes-men and –women that they're almost like the Holy Grail is to muggles!" said Hermione.

With an unperturbed shrug Not said, "So I found the Holy Grail."

Hermione shook her head emphatically. "Even if you _did_ find the texts, there's no way to translate them. They were Spelled by Merlin himself—there's no way to break that code! You couldn't possible know how to sing the Seven Songs!"

Note glanced at his employees and they exchanged grins. "Seven _Notes_, actually," said Note with a smile

"What?"

"We're just going to use Seven Notes. The use of Songs is for a larger area."

"There's no way you would know that."

"Would _you_ try a spell that messes with the fabric of the universe and _not_ know everything about it?"

Hermione spluttered for a moment, giving Harry enough time to voice an opinion forming in each of their minds. "Wait a minute—messing with the fabric of the universe?"

Note sighed. "Charlotte, would you…?"

Charlotte stepped forward in such a Riza-like way Ed almost laughed. "The Seven Songs refers to the Seven Songs of Merlin, which, though they served a different purpose when he used them, can bend the space around an area so that it can only be found when you're not looking for it. Thought lost for centuries with the disappearance of Merlin and his journals, the Seven Songs have been relegated to myth and fantasy. However, the Office of Passage was given a way to perform the spell, though," Charlotte raised an eyebrow at Note, "it has yet to be explained exactly _how_ this came about."

Note sighed and dismissed her comment with a wave of a hand. "Now," he said, addressing those in the circle, "if you would all hit your tuning forks when I point at you individually. And make sure you _hold on_. If you let go of your fork, the spelling is lost." He looked at his book again. "Oh, Charlotte, if you would take a single hair from the bunch and leave it there, the rest can go back in the bag." Charlotte complied.

"Alright, now…I will begin, to show you how it's done, and then I'll point at you."

"Howard," asked Mr. Weasley quietly, "do you really know how to do this?"

Note paused with his tuning fork half raised. "Of course I do, Arthur. I offered to do this before, remember? When Potter was hiding here. Extra protection, remember? I even offered to do it to specific people, and when it looked like Voldemort was targeting the Ministry I offered to do it around that building." Note gave a wry smile. "I even offered to do it to Hogwarts once or twice when things got really bad, but was never allowed to."

"The words 'insane' and 'ludicrous' come to mind," muttered Tom just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Mr. Weasley looked a little sheepish. "But it is quite outlandish, Howard. It's considered to be impossible."

Note just looked at him, letting him reach his own conclusions.

"Then how—" began Hermione and Ed noticed that she had the same yearn to learn and know that had so often kept him in the Library until the wee hours of the morning. He decided that perhaps Hermione was the least annoying of the Weasley group. Ed's thoughts and Hermione's protests were cut off quickly.

"This is not the time. We will discuss that at a later date when we do not have a ly monster knocking at our door. Now, to sing the Seven Songs."

"But--!" began Hermione, but she was quickly shushed by Mrs. Weasley.

Note held his tuning fork perpendicular to the ground and in his left hand held a small silver rod. He touched the rod lightly to the fork, and the hit it three times. A deep _gong_ sounded with each strike, and the final note held, not wavering in pitch or volume. Note then passed the rod to Charlotte, to his left, and she copied his motions. Thus the rod moved around the circle, each tone higher than the last, until at last it reached Ed. He took the rod from Tom.

With the first strike, the hair on the back of Ed's neck stood up. With the second, he felt something pressing outward from his tuning fork. Ed lifted the rod for a final strike.

Something screamed, and it took Ed a moment to realize it was the air. His breath was sucked away, twirling at the center of the circle over the single strand of hair. Ed vaguely noticed Note taking the silver rod from his hand before saying with a loud voice,

"_Hallia, Lady of the Lake and Forest and Meadow, we beseech thee to appear before us and bind this house, hide this house, protect this house!_"

The room was silent. Ed suddenly had a brief feeling of being watched before a small light appeared in the center of the circle. The light grew larger and took form.

A glowing doe surveyed the room.

_You are not Merlin._

"We ask for protection." Note bowed humbly.

_And yet you know to summon me._

"The ancient father of my people has given me the ability to summon thee."

_You know, then, of the Seven Powers._

Note started reciting, and as he chanted the doe joined in, their voices lifting and falling at exactly the same moments.

"_The lesson Changing be the first,_

_A treeling knows it well._

_The power Binding be the next,_

_As Lake of Face can tell._

_The skill Protecting be the third,_

_Like dwarves who tunnel deep._

_The art of Naming be the fourth,_

_A secret Slantos keep._

_The power Leaping be the fifth,_

_In Varigal beware._

_Eliminating be the sixth,_

_A sleeping dragon's lair._

_The gift of Seeing be the last,_

_Forgotten Island's spell."_

The doe bowed her glowing head. _The spell is granted._ She began to disappear, looking at each member of the circle in turn. At last she faced Ed, and with a flash of light she was gone.

And so was Ed.

* * *

I LIVE!

In a manner of speaking. I've already worked thirty-two hours this week and it's only Wednesday! Gah. Anyway, I decided that I wanted to write, and since I no longer have classes to worry about I could actually do it! By the way, not writing did not help with getting better grades. It was brutal. 'Organic Chemistry' should become a swear word. Ugh. I have to take it again.

But enough about me! Enjoy the update! I thought it was a little long-winded! And dull! But enjoy it anyway! Woot!

Hugs and kisses and cheesecake to all reviewers thus far!

There were too many sentences there that ended in exclamation points!

Good-bye!

Don't EVER take organic chemistry!

And keep your shirt on. I'll be back.

churu


	18. How to Maneuver an Sbend

Chapter 18—How to Maneuver an S-bend

In a manner of speaking. Note was starting to feel sorry for the poor boy. He had spent more time unconscious than awake in the time of their brief acquaintance. He gently picked up the Fullmetal Alchemist and was struck by how small the boy really was. When awake Ed tried to compensate for his size with his language and energy and gruff manner, but when asleep he seemed to become the child he actually was. Except for the fact that he weighed about three times as much as he should. That was annoying. How could the boy _walk_ with all that extra weight?

"Molly, do you have a sofa or something? I think the spell exhausted him."

Molly waved her wand and a pile of clothing dispersed to the various corners of the room, revealing a lumpy, rather well-used couch. Note made the conscious decision to _not_ wonder if the original color had indeed been that splotchy brown as he placed the small boy upon it. Luna trotted over as he adjusted Ed's feet to a more comfortable position. She gently lifted his head and scooted underneath. She grinned up at Note.

"Look! I'm like a Ryophlabit!"

"A what?"

"A Ryophlabit! You know, they hold you when you're sleeping and suck your brains out your ears with a long orange straw shaped like a carrot!"

Note gave her a little smile before turning to the others in the room. Dean was looking a little green. "Bill, Tom, Dean—I need you to debrief the Weasleys and Mr. Potter and Miss Granger. Charlotte, please come with me." He turned to Mr. Weasley. "Arthur, do you have somewhere private? Charlotte and I need to do a little follow-up on the spell and we need absolute privacy." He glanced at the unconscious boy lying with his head on Luna's lap. "Obviously the boy is not supposed to be unconscious."

As Arthur led them upstairs, Note heard Bill mumble to Tom, "Didn't you feel like the spell wasn't quite done?"

Bill replied, "Yeah. Like it needed one more rhyme."

Note glanced at Charlotte and was sure she had heard the comment as well. She gave a brief shake of her head and entered a small room piled high with preservatives and extra potion ingredients. Arthur muttered a spell that made the ceramic jars full of oil sputter to life and begin to burn. "Will this do?"

"Of course. Thank you."

"Not at all. Just try not to smash the jars of thistleburr oil. Molly spent ages on those." He closed the door behind him.

Note sighed and looked up at the orb of light bobbing above their heads before turning to his companion.

"Well? Shall we?"

Charlotte nodded and sleeved her wand. "We shall."

Note absently flicked a finger at the door and a spell more powerful than a thousand Imperturbable Charms swept along the door frame, covering the wall, filling in and openings, forming protective bubbles around the jars on the shelves.

Inspecting to make sure the bubble was secure around the door frame, Note asked, "Do you think they suspected anything?"

"Possibly. Either way, that was the signal."

"Mmhmm. That woman really needs to find a better way to tell us she wants to talk to us."

"The number of unconscious people that show up while we're doing spells is a slight reputation destroyer."

He stretched and took a deep breath. "Well, we'd better get going, then."

Charlotte made a simple hand motion and recited the final words of the Spell of the Seven Songs of Merlin:

_And now ye may attempt to find_

_The Otherworldly Well._

_But lo! Do not approach the Well_

_Until the Songs are done._

_For dangers stalk your every step,_

_With Balor's eye but one._

Note touched her fingertips as she finished. A wave of light spread beneath their feet, and a thin strand of light appeared just to his right. He gave Charlotte an ironic grin as he grasped the glowing string.

"Don't you always feel like you're flushing a toilet?" He pulled, and suddenly they were falling through the bright hole beneath their feet.

Traveling through the Light Tunnels was the fastest way to get anywhere, as long as you didn't know specifically where you were going when you first jumped in. Once in the Tunnels, a trained eye could interpret the flashing images that swirled around them, pick out the image of the person or persons they wanted to see, and manipulate the Tunnels into spitting them out precisely where they wanted to be.

To an untrained eye, however, the Tunnels were more like the plumbing of the various universes. These travelers would get swept away with images of forgotten places and times and eventually (though it may take a few hundred million years) end up in a gigantic glowing refuse bin, where in time they too would be forgotten. They could of course eventually be returned to the Tunnels, but only if someone's imagination required it.

Luckily, Howard Note and Charlotte Troffs were experts at navigating the Light Tunnels. They synchronized their motions and flowed around difficult S-bends and through Light Valves. The Tunnels were difficult to maneuver, but they were the only way the two could get were they were going.

How better to find a being that could be anywhere and nowhere at the same time than to visit the conduit of his travels?

Charlotte suddenly reached out and seized an image. "Here!" Note grabbed on and with a great sucking noise they were spit out into a foggy wasteland.

"Ugh," said Note as he picked himself up off the ground. "Clingers." He brushed the image of a group of four young children locked in an underground cave with a small rock as their only light source off of his sleeve as Charlotte pulled a string of symbols out of her hair.

"If I wasn't everywhere and everywhen, I would say that it took you long enough."

Note and Charlotte looked across the wasteland as they brushed images off of their clothing.

"Hey, Pig," said Note.

The Transcendent Pig waddled up to them and gently blew a particularly stubborn piece of light off Note's shoe.

"What's the meaning of Life?" teased Charlotte, which only elicited an exasperated sigh from the Pig.

"At the moment, I think it has something to do with saving the universe from the stupidity of teenage children, but I don't think that's the answer you're looking for." Charlotte laughed and nodded. The Pig gave a rather strange looking half-grin and continued. "Put on your circlets. The others are waiting at the meeting place. Though," said the Pig as an after thought, "they were waiting and aren't waiting as well."

Note rolled his eyes and sighed before digging in his pocket for what looked like a golden double-ended unicorn horn that circled around so the tips met. Dangling from the tips was a short gold chain with a black stone at the end. Charlotte pulled out a similar one, though her stone was gold-flecked white. The stones fell right between their eyes where nose met forehead when the circlets were placed on their heads.

"Have I told you I think these things are ridiculous?" asked Note. "You know what they call us because of these things?"

The Pig sighed and plodded along in front of them. "Of course I do. I was, am, and will be there when the Lovegoods invent that silly name." He glanced at the two humans behind him. "Though I believe changing your name and pretending not to be married is a little excessive."

"Tell that to Hallia," muttered Note. He gently took Charlotte's hand. "She seemed to think the initials would give it away if they thought long enough about it."

The Pig shrugged. He ed his head to one side before responding. "That, and she loves the name. She gets a kick out of a being such as me being referred to as," the Pig sniffed, "one of _those_."

Note had to agree, and said so.

"It was for the best, Howard," said Charlotte. "Besides, even though I don't use it, I like the name 'Note' a whole lot better than--"

"Good evening, night, day, and morning," interrupted a new voice. "Did you find the Tunnels to be satisfactory?"

The new member of the group was a tall man with messy red-brown hair and a long cloak covered with the images of stars. His circlet had a bright green stone that exaggerated his colorless eyes.

"You need to clean them out again, Gainel. We each had about six Clingers on our way out."

The God of Dreams sighed. "Beings these days do not get enough sleep, and when they do sleep it is so deep I cannot access their dreams as easily as I used to."

Note clapped the god on the back. "Someone getting a little lazy?" he teased.

Charlotte elbowed her husband in the ribs. "Surely with the amount of day-dreaming that's done you could get them a little cleaner?"

Gainel lifted a shoulder in a non-committal shrug as Note laughed at a sudden mental image.

"Time to grab the plunger, people! The Universe is backed up! Stand clear or it'll overflow!" He laughed at his own cleverness and mimed plunging a toilet.

Charlotte just rolled her eyes and exchanged amused glances with the Pig. "Howard, dear, would you like me to remind you who did most of the plunging during the early years of our marriage because someone, and I quote, 'couldn't stand the thought of poo on his hands'?"

Note sobered quickly. "Don't you dare."

The group entered a ring of seven grey rocks that blended into the foggy background. A woman reclined on the largest of the rocks, idly fiddling with her long red-brown braid. She had a long chin and big brown eyes. Her circlet had a clear stone with a jagged white line down the middle. Gainel, Charlotte, and Note stopped at the edge of the circle and bowed deeply. The Pig just ambled to the smallest rock and sat down with a huff. The woman nodded to the others and they each took a place in front of a rock. Gainel's cloak hardened to form a star-studded chair, and the Note and Charlotte each waved their wands to form chairs of their own.

There was a brief moment of silence before Note coughed.

"Well, Hallia, we got the message, though you probably could have picked another person to render unconscious. That poor kid has been through enough already without having to fall into a magically-induced slumber."

The woman raised an eyebrow at that comment. "He has already interfered with the fabric of the Several Universes enough. I decided to put him to sleep so that he could not find more trouble while you are not there to look after him. His presence is already a nuisance."

The Pig stomped a hoof and each pair of eyes turned to look at him. "As the unofficial leader of this group, I suggest we get things underway in the proper order. First, roll call."

"We already know who's here," muttered Note, earning him a glare from the Pig.

"Howard Note, Keeper of Legends."

"I think we've already established that I am here."

"Charlotte Troffs Note, Golden Child of Time."

"Here."

"Gainel, God of Dreams and Caretaker of the Light Tunnels."

"Present."

"Hallia, Lady of Lake and Forest and Meadow, and Surveyor of Light and Dark."

"I am here."

The Pig's ears sagged as he looked at the other two stones with no one seated in front of them. "Our other two members are fallen from their station."

The other three bowed their heads.

There was a moment's pause before the Pig pulled out his own circlet, which surprisingly did not look as odd as one might think as he rested it on his head. As he spoke, the red stone dangling between his eyes began to glow, and the light reflected in the stones of the other members of the group.

"Very well. I am the Transcendent Pig, and I hereby affirm that all acting members of the Council for the Harmony of the Several Universes are present and accounted for."

"Thus," continued Hallia with a laughing glint in her eye that rivaled the brightness of her stone, "we commence a meeting of the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks."

* * *

Well, there it is! Yeah, the beginning was kind of anti-climactic from the last chapter, but I thought Note and Charlotte being Crumple-Horned Snorkacks was pretty funny. The next chapter is going to be REEEEEEEEEEEEALLY explanatory, with the meeting and everything. They'll decide what to do about a lot of stuff, and find out some stuff about Luna's mom. I'm actually looking forward to the next chapter, where a lot of the questions people have been asking me will be answered!!!!!!!!!! Yay!

(Yes, I know, there hasn't been a lot of Ed and Luna and Dean stuff going on lately, but we'll get back there, don't worry!)

Thanks to all the people who are still willing to read my story after that horrendously long wait and to all those who are looking at this for the first time! I *heart* you all!

churu

PS. Word from the wise--If you go out in tall grass, use bug spray! Mosquitos and ticks are , not to mention they are diseased and gross and they suck your . Yuck.


End file.
